Justfor1

Well SR friends I've been sober nearly a month since my 3-4day "bender" that included the usual trip to ER, bruises, blackouts ect.... I have made some efforts to employment. I went to my SecretaryOfState hearing to get a restricted license that will allow more job opportunities. Joined an internet dating site & managed to meet 2 women. But after meeting them I ceased contact because I had told them so many crazy lies. I couldn't even keep my lies straight & I felt silly. Basically, sober life seems too difficult sometimes. My life that I destroyed is probably too far gone. I been having trouble sleeping/eating and not attending meetings as much. Waiting for an appt. at my new clinic. Wow 30 days sober & I feel this way?????

Dee74

Congratulations on 30 days

I had to think of this way - I spent 20 years digging myself a deep hole - it was going take a while to climb back out to the top....But I did it. Support helps...and patience

I know you can do it too, J41

D

Aeon

30 days, huh? I'm 60 days sober and wouldn't dream of dating or trying to land a "good job" right now. I know the job thing might not be an option for everyone, but I went and applied for transitional sober housing and food stamps just so I could put myself through recovery boot camp for 8 weeks. From sun-up to sun-down EVERY waking moment was dedicated to establishing myself firmly in the program. I just started looking for a part time job as a "sandwich artist" and even that feels daunting.

And guess what, my life is STILL incredibly difficult. The difference is that today I'm alright with it. I see it improving in increments, and that's improvement from the muddy bog of misery I was stuck in for a decade.

I don't know the extent of your decent into the murk, but I would reckon that at 3-4 weeks the mind and spirit are still in the thick of the fog. I've done everything humanly possible to recover and I'm still hazy after 9 weeks, so don't sweat it.

If I may be presumptive for a moment, perhaps your endeavours to date stem from loneliness? I frequently find myself not wanting to be alone with my thoughts. In fact, that's probably why I'm here on this forum.

As for not going to meetings as much, "people who don't go to meetings don't get to hear what happens to people who don't go to meetings" :P

JimE

It was nearly 60 days before I could hold a small Styrofoam coffee cup without spilling any while at meetings. It sounds like you're doin' okay to me.

sugarbear1

At 30 days, I broke up with my boyfriend. Anything I put in front of my sobriety I may lose anyway. We are still in contact, yet I believe he's too needy, as am I....

Sobriety is #1 for me now.

Best wishes to you!

Beebizzy

Hi J41,

30 days!! Nice going, man, hats off!!

Like Aeon said, I also wouldn't dream of dating or looking for a job right now (5 weeks). I mean, I have a bf and a job now - LOL :-) - but I've had doubts about the former and am damn sure the latter does me no good either. But I was strongly advised not to make major decisions about either right now. It's extremely good counsel.

As JimE & Dee say, you're doing great already. Sobriety has to come first - without it you have nothing anyway.

Take your time (at least with the dating - don't know if you have that option job-wise), and rock on!

Well done,
BB

CarolD

Just...I sure hope this will be your time for LASTING sobriety...

CarolD

Aeon...Welcome to our recovery community...

Well done on your sober time...

Justfor1

Thanks everyone. I have to get a job ASAP. Otherwise I will be homeless. So right now job seeking is #1 priority. I believe that I need to find balance in my life. I use to attend meetings 2 or 3 times a day and do absolutely nothing to clean up my real life. I believe I was hiding out in AA. I still will attend 2-4 meetings a week though. I was previously about 9 months sober yet was doing nothing to clean up my past. I will not make recovery my entirely life because IMO that isn't the real world. I know some may disagree & thats okay.

tomdecel

Before you can build a house you have to build the foundation. I spent more than a year working on that foundation. The rest of the house is coming around just nicely, but it would have collapsed without those deep footings.

Congrats on the almost 30 days sober. Hope you get a job soon.

TheEnd

Congratulations......You have been here before, what will you do differently?

Justfor1

What I'm doing differently is giving myself a break. I am grateful that I only spent 3-4 days drinking/using and returned to sobriety. I usually spend months drinking/drugging until I am forced into sobriety via jail or hospitals. I'm learning that being under the influence doesn't even give me much relief anymore. It took me a few weeks to recover from drinking 3-4 days though. I don't think drinking is worth the price that I have to pay. It makes my mental illness 10X worse as well.

DayTrader

I did a lot of that stuff too Just.... hid out in AA, sought comfort in women, tried to create balance in my life, etc etc.... 90% of it ended in frustration for me and/or hurting someone else......again! ugh!

......and believe me...that crap went on for more than just 30 days - in my case anyway. So...don't get down on yourself. What you're experiencing is really quite normal. Sure, it sucks...but it won't last forever if you're continuing to seek, continuing to look for recovery, and working the program. I PROMISE!