Mixed feelings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
Mixed feelings
I just wanted to introduce myself. I have been sober 2 weeks. I am in my mid thirties and have been drinking for well over 10 years. The past few years have really gotten out of control. More than anything the black outs are what really scare me. More of what I do not remember than what I do …
I come here with mixed feelings. I know sobriety is what I really need. I also feel like once I say it out loud cannot take it back. Kind of like opening Pandora’s Box. I have to admit I am scared to lose what I have known for so long. I am scared of what being sober is going to change in the relationship with my husband. Isn’t that silly .. I should be worrying about what NOT being sober would do to our relationship. I am afraid of who I am being sober .. One thing I know for sure is I will be a better mother sober..
I have started reading the a lot of AA literature and books. I am not sure if it’s for me , but I am going to to keep reading and try it out . I have been keeping a journal of thoughts that I have about my own life while I read the posts here and also from the recovery books I am reading.
Thanks for listening.. ready or not .. here I go…
I come here with mixed feelings. I know sobriety is what I really need. I also feel like once I say it out loud cannot take it back. Kind of like opening Pandora’s Box. I have to admit I am scared to lose what I have known for so long. I am scared of what being sober is going to change in the relationship with my husband. Isn’t that silly .. I should be worrying about what NOT being sober would do to our relationship. I am afraid of who I am being sober .. One thing I know for sure is I will be a better mother sober..
I have started reading the a lot of AA literature and books. I am not sure if it’s for me , but I am going to to keep reading and try it out . I have been keeping a journal of thoughts that I have about my own life while I read the posts here and also from the recovery books I am reading.
Thanks for listening.. ready or not .. here I go…
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 86
Welcome and good luck.
The journey to sobriety isn't easy but it is certainly better.
My journey has had several restarts and it took some bad things happening to me to get me on my path.
AA does work. Reading the book won't help you alone but getting together with a sponsor and really doing some of the fourth/fifth step work...and REALLY truly doing it... finally gave me the peace and serenity in my life that let me live sober. I was a skeptic and resisted for a long time but once I did it, I'm so grateful to finally have crossed that bridge.
Best of luck!
The journey to sobriety isn't easy but it is certainly better.
My journey has had several restarts and it took some bad things happening to me to get me on my path.
AA does work. Reading the book won't help you alone but getting together with a sponsor and really doing some of the fourth/fifth step work...and REALLY truly doing it... finally gave me the peace and serenity in my life that let me live sober. I was a skeptic and resisted for a long time but once I did it, I'm so grateful to finally have crossed that bridge.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, DanMel, welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support here. It's made a huge difference for me.
I was scared too. It definitely was a leap of faith for me to believe that sobriety would be better. Now it seems strange to even write that—life is so much better without the hangovers and disappointment, the endless cycles of vowing to moderate or take a break, only to slide back into the old patterns. Freedom, self-respect, clear improvements in my health and appearance—the benefits of sobriety are just amazing. It wasn't easy at first, but it's so worth it.
I'm really glad you found us.
I was scared too. It definitely was a leap of faith for me to believe that sobriety would be better. Now it seems strange to even write that—life is so much better without the hangovers and disappointment, the endless cycles of vowing to moderate or take a break, only to slide back into the old patterns. Freedom, self-respect, clear improvements in my health and appearance—the benefits of sobriety are just amazing. It wasn't easy at first, but it's so worth it.
I'm really glad you found us.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I was a blackout drinker, and I recall the fear, too -- who would I be without alcohol in my life?
Keep reading the literature. If you can relate, especially to the OR statement found in the first paragraph of Chapter 4 of Alcoholics Anonymous ("We Agnostics"), AA can help.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Keep reading the literature. If you can relate, especially to the OR statement found in the first paragraph of Chapter 4 of Alcoholics Anonymous ("We Agnostics"), AA can help.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you do not have the book..."Under The Influence by Milam & Ketcham
I recommend you buy it. It's the book that convinced me to quit
While not all the info applied to me. certainly was an eye opener.
yes I too was a blackout drinker...had been for years.
I took that info ...re connected to AA and Yes! I've learned how to live a different way...
I've not read the sequel by Ketcham & ?? but Amazon usually has both very inexpensively.
congratulations on decideing to find a sober future....Welcome...
I recommend you buy it. It's the book that convinced me to quit
While not all the info applied to me. certainly was an eye opener.
yes I too was a blackout drinker...had been for years.
I took that info ...re connected to AA and Yes! I've learned how to live a different way...
I've not read the sequel by Ketcham & ?? but Amazon usually has both very inexpensively.
congratulations on decideing to find a sober future....Welcome...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by CarolD 
If you do not have the book..."Under The Influence by Milam & Ketcham
I recommend you buy it. It's the book that convinced me to quit
While not all the info applied to me. certainly was an eye opener.
yes I too was a blackout drinker...had been for years.
I recommend you buy it. It's the book that convinced me to quit
While not all the info applied to me. certainly was an eye opener.
yes I too was a blackout drinker...had been for years.
Thank you all for the warm welcome..
Carol,
That was the first book I read a few months ago that " planted the seed" that I need to take action. I have since bought the Big Book and I am reading through it now. I know I cannot just read .. I will need to work it but right now I am just aquinting myself with what it's all about .
Again thank you for the great welcome. I look forward to using this support often.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Welcome DanMel78,
I was, at the end, a blackout drinker, a every day drinker, a morning before I could leave for work drinker, and probably a bunch of other kinds too. But I was also right here:
It seemed like, as long as I didn't officially acknowledge the completely obvious, there was still some possibility that it was not true, that I would not have to stop drinking, and that the whole problem would just magically disappear.
I'll tell you that my decision to stop drinking and do what it took for me to stay stopped drinking was the most important decision I ever made. It did take awhile for the full impact of recovery to arrive but I have never wished to put the lid back on the box. I used AA as the core of my recovery, but it's not the only way.
I was, at the end, a blackout drinker, a every day drinker, a morning before I could leave for work drinker, and probably a bunch of other kinds too. But I was also right here:
I know sobriety is what I really need. I also feel like once I say it out loud cannot take it back. Kind of like opening Pandora’s Box.
I'll tell you that my decision to stop drinking and do what it took for me to stay stopped drinking was the most important decision I ever made. It did take awhile for the full impact of recovery to arrive but I have never wished to put the lid back on the box. I used AA as the core of my recovery, but it's not the only way.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I can relate a lot to your reservations/hesitations! (see the 3 year lag b/w my joining here and my quitting).
IME a lot of it is misperceptions/alcoholic thoughts. In sobriety I have found that life is really not that different. I mean it's different in huge ways. I am calm now, I am not obsessed with alcohol anymore, I can enjoy things without worrying about my next drink, etc. But all the worries I had about how sobriety would impact my relationships was totally unfounded. I have found that most people live in the real world with normal relationships with alcohol. And a normal relationship with alcohol means you don't really care about it and don't care who drinks or not. It's just kind of been a non-issue from that perspective.
If AA is not for you, no biggie. Lots of other options! Check out the secular forum here!
Welcome!
IME a lot of it is misperceptions/alcoholic thoughts. In sobriety I have found that life is really not that different. I mean it's different in huge ways. I am calm now, I am not obsessed with alcohol anymore, I can enjoy things without worrying about my next drink, etc. But all the worries I had about how sobriety would impact my relationships was totally unfounded. I have found that most people live in the real world with normal relationships with alcohol. And a normal relationship with alcohol means you don't really care about it and don't care who drinks or not. It's just kind of been a non-issue from that perspective.
If AA is not for you, no biggie. Lots of other options! Check out the secular forum here!
Welcome!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please read ...in your Alcoholics Anonymous book..."A Vision for you"
Check out the bottom of page 83 to the top of 84.....I FOUND MUCH HOPE THERE IN MY EARLY aa DAYS..
Many AA meetings read them aloud too.
I carried a copy with me....it was a good reminder of why I wanted to stay sober...
The very best way to decide if AA is or is not for you....go to meetings and just listen with an open heart and mind....IMO
I'm still an active AA member ..AA gives me purpose and joy....
Check out the bottom of page 83 to the top of 84.....I FOUND MUCH HOPE THERE IN MY EARLY aa DAYS..
Many AA meetings read them aloud too.
I carried a copy with me....it was a good reminder of why I wanted to stay sober...
The very best way to decide if AA is or is not for you....go to meetings and just listen with an open heart and mind....IMO
I'm still an active AA member ..AA gives me purpose and joy....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by SSIL75
I can relate a lot to your reservations/hesitations! (see the 3 year lag b/w my joining here and my quitting).
IME a lot of it is misperceptions/alcoholic thoughts. In sobriety I have found that life is really not that different. I mean it's different in huge ways. I am calm now, I am not obsessed with alcohol anymore, I can enjoy things without worrying about my next drink, etc. But all the worries I had about how sobriety would impact my relationships was totally unfounded. I have found that most people live in the real world with normal relationships with alcohol. And a normal relationship with alcohol means you don't really care about it and don't care who drinks or not. It's just kind of been a non-issue from that perspective.
If AA is not for you, no biggie. Lots of other options! Check out the secular forum here!
Welcome!
IME a lot of it is misperceptions/alcoholic thoughts. In sobriety I have found that life is really not that different. I mean it's different in huge ways. I am calm now, I am not obsessed with alcohol anymore, I can enjoy things without worrying about my next drink, etc. But all the worries I had about how sobriety would impact my relationships was totally unfounded. I have found that most people live in the real world with normal relationships with alcohol. And a normal relationship with alcohol means you don't really care about it and don't care who drinks or not. It's just kind of been a non-issue from that perspective.
If AA is not for you, no biggie. Lots of other options! Check out the secular forum here!
Welcome!
Couldn't have said it better myself!! Best of luck I have to agree with others, take it one day at a time and you will see the benefits out weight anything..
Never having to think about a black-out, worry about a hang over or look for your belongings in the morning is a great feeling.
Keep us posted on your progress.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome DanMel!
Congratulations on making a great decision and on your 2 weeks sober. Keep taking it one day at a time, like others have said. It will take some time to stop thinking about drinking all the time, but you'll get there!
Good to have you with us. The support here has been a lifesaver for me......
Congratulations on making a great decision and on your 2 weeks sober. Keep taking it one day at a time, like others have said. It will take some time to stop thinking about drinking all the time, but you'll get there!
Good to have you with us. The support here has been a lifesaver for me......
a southern belle
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: tennessee
Posts: 265
welcome...
welcome dan...glad to have you as a friend here. fear was huge in my early days of sobriety. fear of the unknown. fear of the known. fear. one of my deepest beliefs is to focus on the now. when i focus on the now and present, fear does not own me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
Thank you everyone for such a warm welcome. The more I read about AA the more I feel like it is for me. My only reservation and I do not mean to offend anyone by this ... is I do not want to become a fanatic. I do not want o replace one obsession with another. I need to learn a healthy balance( With AA not drinking ) . Had a rough day yesterday.. just all over emotionally. Felt like I was going off the deep end a little but.. but I made it through 100% sober so thats all that counts. It was a good day .
Again thank you all for such a great welcome and I will be looking up meetings in my area this afternoon.
Again thank you all for such a great welcome and I will be looking up meetings in my area this afternoon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 28
I have similar reservations about finding a group. I've found several that I could probably make work from a scheduling perspective, but the alleged "cult"/"fanatic" reputation and the fear of being "outed" get in my way.
This whole process is a struggle to stick with what I know and not what I feel.
This whole process is a struggle to stick with what I know and not what I feel.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 86
Some AA groups are more "cultish" than others. I started going to a group as a home group...
They mandated:
Arrive 30 minutes before meeting
Stay 15 minutes after meeting
Must have sponsor, must actively seek to sponsor
Must volunteer at district level
Must volunteer at group level (make coffee, whatever)
Must volunteer at other recovery areas
Must attend monthly hour long group business meeting
They were all around very strict. I remember one woman leaving the meeting in near tears and the leader type person of the group saying "don't worry about her, principals in front of people".
If you weren't working a "hard' program you were doing "weak" AA and were going to fail.
I go to a much more relaxed and laid back home group now. Great people, found a sponsor I can relate to well and am enjoying recovery. Take it in stride, if you see something you don't like - try another group!
They mandated:
Arrive 30 minutes before meeting
Stay 15 minutes after meeting
Must have sponsor, must actively seek to sponsor
Must volunteer at district level
Must volunteer at group level (make coffee, whatever)
Must volunteer at other recovery areas
Must attend monthly hour long group business meeting
They were all around very strict. I remember one woman leaving the meeting in near tears and the leader type person of the group saying "don't worry about her, principals in front of people".
If you weren't working a "hard' program you were doing "weak" AA and were going to fail.
I go to a much more relaxed and laid back home group now. Great people, found a sponsor I can relate to well and am enjoying recovery. Take it in stride, if you see something you don't like - try another group!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by TheEnd
If you have any doubts about sobriety, then you will surely go back
Thank you
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