gracie

I normally post on the Al Anon side but I wanted to drop in for a second and share that my husband has entered a treatment facility. This is a miracle. He has been drinking beer steadily for the last 20 years and recently used cocaine for an isolated period . The cocaine was the catalyst for getting him to this point, I believe as it has forced him to look at his addiction. After he left our home at my request last week, he spent 3 days in a row wired out of his skull and drinking heavily. This past weekend, he called for help. He says he is terrified about being able to quit drinking because he has used it for so long to numb painful emotions. It's so true that alcoholism is a family disease and unfortunately his family has had a hand in this whole thing. It seems that he tends to minimize a lot of things and downplay stuff, he has perfected the 'Everything is fine' act and has hidden behind it for years. His family played into it also. I feel so very grateful that he has come to some sort of honest place in himself although the journey is going to be difficult. I am so excited for the possibility of a bright future and a healthy relationship.
When he comes home, I hope he will come on line and chat with everyone.

Chy

Hi gracie! I am so glad to hear hubby took this step. Yes it's so true we fear sobriety.. or that was my case. I didn't know how to carry on conversation outside of work, or make freinds and keep them I alway's needed that liquid courage. We can stuff things so far down in us when we get sober it's very painful to see and deal with reality sober. So be patient when he comes home he may be a "grizzly bear" for a while.. it's normal. I congratulate you for sticking with him and being his number one supporter. My hubby put up with me 24 years and I don't know if we'll ever mend, but I am trying and you must to. That would be great if he hopes on board. Best to you both!

Music

Hi gracie,
My wife sobered up almost a year before I did....23 days short a of year to be exact. We'd been married for about 15 years at the time. In about 27 days we'll celebrate 41 years. These programs, yours and his will work if you work them. Just remember, they're two separate programs so don't try to work each others.
We went to therapy, separately and together. We did this because we "both" wanted to stay together.....ya know, soulmates and all that....Ha! I truly believe today that we are. You both have to want to put in the work to make it work though.
Good luck and am glad your hubby is getting help. Keep getting the help you need so no matter how things turn out, you'll be ok.

Peter

I sincerely hope that your husband's decision to sober up signals the beginning of a better future for both of you.

Recovery starts primarily with the "detoxification" of the body from all drugs.

But "detox" is only just the beginning of what may very well turn out to be a lifetime experience.

Twenty years of "numbing painful emotions" with alcohol is not something that will go away overnight when the alcoholic stops drinking. In fact the real work has only just begun.

For me the close association with my friends in AA was what helped me to deal with some of the painful issues associated with a lifetime of dysfunction.

Alcoholism is a "family disease" which also means that spouses as well may become ill. So usually, when one spouse decides to address their drinking problem it is often suggested that the wife or husband also seek some form of therapy in order to help him/her deal with the adjusting process of living with a sober individual.

I think online therapy is great but there are elements in a live and direct face to face meetings which I personally find extrtemely beneficial.

Recovery is possible and the rewards are great but it takes commitment and hard work for all parties involved in the process.

avasmiles

Hello, My husband is also in recovery right now after 20+years of alcohol abuse. I understand what you are going through and I too look forward to healthy and wonderful journey with my Husband. It is going to take work, but every day I am so grateful to even have a second chance with someone I love so deeply. I do hope everything goes well for you both and it is a happy reunion.
Aloha.
Avasmiles

CarolD

I do hope you and your husband
will enjoy a healthy lifestyle soon.

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum
and I see you also are using other SR resources.
Good for you!

adore79

So glad your hubby is getting help gracie. I know the "everything is fine" thing, I do it with my parents. They know I have a problem but they have given up on me I think. Oh well, I will get better on my own with help from SR and maybe AA if I can just get to a meeting.

Kellye C

If you note, gracie wrote this back in 2003. I would be interested in an update as we all know so much can happen in 4 - 5 years!

Avasmiles I wish the best for your hubby in recovery and I hope you will seek support for yourself if you haven't already done so. Recovery is a radical change and we are not always graceful while in the throes of early sobriety so you might want to look into some support of your own through Al-Anon or our Family and Friends section here at SR.

All the best,
Kellye