Back to where I started
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Western PA
Posts: 416
Back to where I started
It's amazing how alcohol creeps up and takes control. I was in the class of Nov. 2010 and had a superb 4 months of sobriety. Everything was going great and then spring hit.
I decided to test the waters and have "a few" occasionally to see how it would go. Held it together for a month or so...you know "controlling" how often and how much.
Then somewhere along the way this summer 2 turned to 4 then 4 turned to 6 and so on and so on...you all know the story. By the end of the summer I was right back into the old routine...sneaking some before goiong out so no one would notice that I was drinking more than others and all the other deceitful crap that comes along with this garbage called alcoholism.
So here I am back to where I started last November. Drinking just about every night...only taking the occasonal day off here or there because I need a whole day to recover. There is no way for an alcoholic to control drinking...absolutely no way.
So here I am on day four and committed to give this another go...thanks for listening to the ramble. Talk to you soon.
Coop
I decided to test the waters and have "a few" occasionally to see how it would go. Held it together for a month or so...you know "controlling" how often and how much.
Then somewhere along the way this summer 2 turned to 4 then 4 turned to 6 and so on and so on...you all know the story. By the end of the summer I was right back into the old routine...sneaking some before goiong out so no one would notice that I was drinking more than others and all the other deceitful crap that comes along with this garbage called alcoholism.
So here I am back to where I started last November. Drinking just about every night...only taking the occasonal day off here or there because I need a whole day to recover. There is no way for an alcoholic to control drinking...absolutely no way.
So here I am on day four and committed to give this another go...thanks for listening to the ramble. Talk to you soon.
Coop
former walking pharmacy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Watertown, CT
Posts: 146
Hi Coop,
I can definately relate to the 'testing the waters' thing...I had a number of false starts before I truly drove it into my head that I CANNOT DRINK if I want to be happy and productive in life. Any time the thought of 'just having one or two' pops into my head, I recognize it as the addicted side of me trying to have it's way. I tell it to go to hell.
I can definately relate to the 'testing the waters' thing...I had a number of false starts before I truly drove it into my head that I CANNOT DRINK if I want to be happy and productive in life. Any time the thought of 'just having one or two' pops into my head, I recognize it as the addicted side of me trying to have it's way. I tell it to go to hell.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome back to sR and I sure hope this will be your time for lasting sobriety..
When I started my AA Steps I went from shakey sobriety into solid recovery....
When I started my AA Steps I went from shakey sobriety into solid recovery....
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
That was me too. 6 or 7 times over 3 or 4 years. 6 month sober, 6 week bender. Always started with the innocent "if I can stop for 6 months, I can control this."
Problem was, the escalation went from just a couple at wedding or with a friend to 4 - 1.75 of the hard stuff 6 weeks later. I kept walking into the cage voluntarily, and every time, the beast would beat the cr@p out of me.
Only way I can do this is to not confront the beast. I know that in my mind and in my hearth, and I am truly convinced that the beating is just not worth it. The rest is easy.
Congrats on your determination.
Problem was, the escalation went from just a couple at wedding or with a friend to 4 - 1.75 of the hard stuff 6 weeks later. I kept walking into the cage voluntarily, and every time, the beast would beat the cr@p out of me.
Only way I can do this is to not confront the beast. I know that in my mind and in my hearth, and I am truly convinced that the beating is just not worth it. The rest is easy.
Congrats on your determination.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
coop - you're back, that's what really matters. You could have continued on until something terrible happened. Now you're going to try again, more determined than you were before. That's great news!
I spent decades trying to control and moderate what I drank. I never had success, not even one time. In the end, every drink I took led to a dangerous and unexpected outcome. Plus, it wasn't even fun or exciting anymore - just something I did out of habit. It's such a relief to be free of it. I know you can do this coop!
I spent decades trying to control and moderate what I drank. I never had success, not even one time. In the end, every drink I took led to a dangerous and unexpected outcome. Plus, it wasn't even fun or exciting anymore - just something I did out of habit. It's such a relief to be free of it. I know you can do this coop!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 432
You know it's amazing that, in all the web forums' I've read, I've NEVER come across a person who claims to have returned successfully to controlled drinking, AFTER drinking alcoholically. Not ONE. But there are hundreds of stories like yours where people ended up where they started.
Thanks for posting, you are helping re-enforce the idea that complete abstinence is the only solution for problem drinkers. It helps the rest of us stay vigilant.
Thanks for posting, you are helping re-enforce the idea that complete abstinence is the only solution for problem drinkers. It helps the rest of us stay vigilant.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Corpus Christi Texas
Posts: 76
Hey Coop1
Yeah, I have tried that many times in the past, controlling it, and yes, it works for awhile but then it all falls apart. Just proves how cunning and baffling alcohol really is. I don't control "it," "it" controls me and I have to constantly remind myself of that. I am only on 41 days sober but it sure feels good. I am jobless, because of my last binge, but I am still happy to be sober, and do not want to return to that darkness again. If I was still drinking without a job, I would be in a horrible place and the depression would be overwhelming. I am really glad I don't have to deal with the combination.
Those "one" days of missing work turned into 2 and 3 at a time for me and I was such a mess on the last binge that I just never went back to work.
Good luck and like I always say.......if I can.....you can !
Yeah, I have tried that many times in the past, controlling it, and yes, it works for awhile but then it all falls apart. Just proves how cunning and baffling alcohol really is. I don't control "it," "it" controls me and I have to constantly remind myself of that. I am only on 41 days sober but it sure feels good. I am jobless, because of my last binge, but I am still happy to be sober, and do not want to return to that darkness again. If I was still drinking without a job, I would be in a horrible place and the depression would be overwhelming. I am really glad I don't have to deal with the combination.
Those "one" days of missing work turned into 2 and 3 at a time for me and I was such a mess on the last binge that I just never went back to work.
Good luck and like I always say.......if I can.....you can !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Western PA
Posts: 416
Thanks for all of the replies. I agree with everyone....there is no such thing as moderaton. I made it through the weekend unscathed so here I am on day 7. Funny thing is on Saturday there was a block party in my neighborhood and I found myself trying to justify having a couple. Crazy and baffling is all I can say. Good news is I shut the voice up, left the party and went home and relaxed. Thanks again for the replies...I really missed being around SR. Have a great day.
I guess our adventures weren't over yet. I don't think I have another drink in me....
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