This is all going from bad to worse, I'm on the edge of a breakdown.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 125
This is all going from bad to worse, I'm on the edge of a breakdown.
So, my partner only understands this alcoholism when she wants to. Over my sober days I have began to realize that I don't like her at all, I need to get rid of her. This week she has pushed all the wrong buttons, even to the extent of attacking me to try and get some retaliation from me the other day, I think she has broken a bone in my hand after hitting me with a stick and I went to protect myself. The worrying thing about this is I have felt when drunk that I could quite easily kill her if she pushes me just that little bit further. I know I could have killed her because in the morning I awake and have to check to make sure I haven't done so, that is worrying.
So now she is using this 'she will only change if I stop drinking' thing. I have told her time and time again, I want to stop but I can't get a hold of it properly, my alcoholism is like a slippery eal, just when I think I have it under control it wriggles free and off I go again trying to get a grasp on it as it sirals out of control.
I have asked her to leave while I recover myself, to at least an extent where I can be in her company without shaking with anger, I am concerned for the both of us, her safety and my future in prison. I walk away when sober, but by the nature of my problem, that sober state does not last long when I am worked with as she now seems to consider a sport, I really can't get my head around why she would refuse to go to her mothers if I told her I hated her, get out of my life I will continue to support our daughter, but you my love are a nasty piece of work I wish I had never met. Even writing this now I am clenching my jaw in anger that I am being so abused.
I am in a 3rd world country, that I moved to because I wanted to support my family, I lost my job because of her, now she comp0lains we have no money. I have nowhere else to go but I do not think she sees the danger she is in if she stays here. We have a daughter in the middle of all this who now wants to spend all her time with me as her mother can't be bothered, I am not much use right now as my limit of tolerance is so low. I hate that my daughter is not having the best upbringing, the best I can offer right now is to love her and ask that her mother grows up and looks after her better.
Just right now I am asking my partner something and she snaps like a real nasty bitch, for nothing, I can't handle this, to continue will result for sure in one of us ending our lives prematurely, through voluntary circumstances or an attack.
Why will she just not leave, this is a game she enjoys playing, she sees I am weak and looks at me a cheap sport.
I can't carry on like this, truely I am on my countdown!
So now she is using this 'she will only change if I stop drinking' thing. I have told her time and time again, I want to stop but I can't get a hold of it properly, my alcoholism is like a slippery eal, just when I think I have it under control it wriggles free and off I go again trying to get a grasp on it as it sirals out of control.
I have asked her to leave while I recover myself, to at least an extent where I can be in her company without shaking with anger, I am concerned for the both of us, her safety and my future in prison. I walk away when sober, but by the nature of my problem, that sober state does not last long when I am worked with as she now seems to consider a sport, I really can't get my head around why she would refuse to go to her mothers if I told her I hated her, get out of my life I will continue to support our daughter, but you my love are a nasty piece of work I wish I had never met. Even writing this now I am clenching my jaw in anger that I am being so abused.
I am in a 3rd world country, that I moved to because I wanted to support my family, I lost my job because of her, now she comp0lains we have no money. I have nowhere else to go but I do not think she sees the danger she is in if she stays here. We have a daughter in the middle of all this who now wants to spend all her time with me as her mother can't be bothered, I am not much use right now as my limit of tolerance is so low. I hate that my daughter is not having the best upbringing, the best I can offer right now is to love her and ask that her mother grows up and looks after her better.
Just right now I am asking my partner something and she snaps like a real nasty bitch, for nothing, I can't handle this, to continue will result for sure in one of us ending our lives prematurely, through voluntary circumstances or an attack.
Why will she just not leave, this is a game she enjoys playing, she sees I am weak and looks at me a cheap sport.
I can't carry on like this, truely I am on my countdown!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: La La Land
Posts: 503
Scrub- I am sorry that you are going through this. I can sense the anger in your words. It does sound like a dangerous and volatile situation to be in. If she will not leave then why don't you?
We have to be responsible for our own actions and some we cannot take back and have to live with for the rest of our lives. What about your daughter? is she in this living situation as well?
We have to be responsible for our own actions and some we cannot take back and have to live with for the rest of our lives. What about your daughter? is she in this living situation as well?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Are you a US Citizen? If you are then so is your daughter, and go to the Embassy, they can get you back to the states where 'rehab' is an option.
Do you have family in the states, or whatever country you are from? Can they help you find a temp placement for your daughter while you work on your primary problem of alcoholism?
There are ways to get away from her and take your daughter also and get your OWN life in order to be the best father you can be for your child.
All is not lost.
PM me and let me know what country you are from and what region and I can get you more info quickly to help you along, IF, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.
Love and hugs,
Do you have family in the states, or whatever country you are from? Can they help you find a temp placement for your daughter while you work on your primary problem of alcoholism?
There are ways to get away from her and take your daughter also and get your OWN life in order to be the best father you can be for your child.
All is not lost.
PM me and let me know what country you are from and what region and I can get you more info quickly to help you along, IF, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.
Love and hugs,
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Scrubmuncher 
...Over my sober days I have began to realize that I don't like her at all, I need to get rid of her.
If that's the case, start learning about boundries and detachment in one of the many fellowships for friends and families of alcoholics.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 125
Hi,
I am from the UK. Like I said I lost my job through her refusing to look after our daughter and me being drunk enough to screw the job, mistake. I am kind of living on a whim at the moment. Every penny I have goes to keeping food on the table and paying the bills. I have no option to get back to the UK. The reason I want her to move out is that she has family just a short bus journey up the road, she just won't go. I can not go as all my money is tied up here, I don't have cash to move . She seems to not beable to understand that the position I am in is incredibly stressful, she thinks I can magic money from nowhere, I have nothing spare.
I am having another session of just wanting to cry, it is the only release I have, but that only makes me feel even lower, I just want to go to the colmado and get slaughtered, but I know that brings crazy things. Lately I have been getting more drunk than usual, complete memory loss, I gave a computer away the other day, drunk at 11am having started at 7,30 am when the colmado opens. God knows what I have been up to. Money has vanished from my bank, fraud is common here but I have no idea is I withdrew the money or not. I woke up with a haircut I can't remember getting the other day, so I must have been to town with someone. God knows. Anyway I am going to go to the Colmado for some peace in a while, I'll finish this beer I've just opened and then go and drown my sorrows. Just like the pathetic waste of space I know I am right now. Saying that I do deserve better than her. I just hate her so much, I am scarred to come home at night, I hide the knives before I go out as I know I have looked for them before when she jumps on my back. I dunno if she is trying to drive me insane or just enjoys what she is doing. God help her, I am feeling like I want to jump up and beat the hell out of her right now as she sits, starring at the TV and I am in the kitchen trying to avoid the bad atmosphere. Something needs to change today or one of us will not see tomorrow.
I am from the UK. Like I said I lost my job through her refusing to look after our daughter and me being drunk enough to screw the job, mistake. I am kind of living on a whim at the moment. Every penny I have goes to keeping food on the table and paying the bills. I have no option to get back to the UK. The reason I want her to move out is that she has family just a short bus journey up the road, she just won't go. I can not go as all my money is tied up here, I don't have cash to move . She seems to not beable to understand that the position I am in is incredibly stressful, she thinks I can magic money from nowhere, I have nothing spare.
I am having another session of just wanting to cry, it is the only release I have, but that only makes me feel even lower, I just want to go to the colmado and get slaughtered, but I know that brings crazy things. Lately I have been getting more drunk than usual, complete memory loss, I gave a computer away the other day, drunk at 11am having started at 7,30 am when the colmado opens. God knows what I have been up to. Money has vanished from my bank, fraud is common here but I have no idea is I withdrew the money or not. I woke up with a haircut I can't remember getting the other day, so I must have been to town with someone. God knows. Anyway I am going to go to the Colmado for some peace in a while, I'll finish this beer I've just opened and then go and drown my sorrows. Just like the pathetic waste of space I know I am right now. Saying that I do deserve better than her. I just hate her so much, I am scarred to come home at night, I hide the knives before I go out as I know I have looked for them before when she jumps on my back. I dunno if she is trying to drive me insane or just enjoys what she is doing. God help her, I am feeling like I want to jump up and beat the hell out of her right now as she sits, starring at the TV and I am in the kitchen trying to avoid the bad atmosphere. Something needs to change today or one of us will not see tomorrow.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by Boleo
One of the side effects of getting sober is we start to see just how delusional we were when we were drinking every day. It may be that you got together with her for all the wrong reasons and now see that for what it was... Delusional.
If that's the case, start learning about boundries and detachment in one of the many fellowships for friends and families of alcoholics.
If that's the case, start learning about boundries and detachment in one of the many fellowships for friends and families of alcoholics.
Seems I found the oposite of love, I am living in hate, she just won't go, even though I have offered to pay for the rent and keep our daughter on another apartment.
Yes, things are very clear in days of sobriety, painfully so. But it is not correct our daughter is part of this, it could affect her mentality in future years.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Since the Dominican Republic is a 'separate country' contact the British Embassy. Go talk to them. They can help you and if presented correctly your daughter (a citizen by birth with you as her father) to get back to the UK where recovery options are certainly more possible than the current situation you are in.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
ps: you continuing to drink 'periodically' is not helping the situation at all nor is it helping your ability to think clearly.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
ps: you continuing to drink 'periodically' is not helping the situation at all nor is it helping your ability to think clearly.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Originally Posted by laurie6781
Since the Dominican Republic is a 'separate country' contact the British Embassy. Go talk to them. They can help you and if presented correctly your daughter (a citizen by birth with you as her father) to get back to the UK where recovery options are certainly more possible than the current situation you are in.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
ps: you continuing to drink 'periodically' is not helping the situation at all nor is it helping your ability to think clearly.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
ps: you continuing to drink 'periodically' is not helping the situation at all nor is it helping your ability to think clearly.
....that is precisely what I was going to suggest...However...I've onlyseen it in movies so not sure if the embassy will intervene or not. I'd sure give it a go tho....
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
It's not just in the movies Carol. Countries like the United Kingdom, Australia, United States, France, Germany, etc have Embassies in foreign countries to ASSIST and AID their own citizens while those citizens are in the foreign country.
And vice versa. When I was applying for my long term "Retirement Visa" to Australia I used their Embassy in Los Angeles, and not only were they very helpful, they expedited everything and I received it in about 4 weeks, and ........................ instead of for a 10 year period which is normal mine is stamped "Permanent".
Embassies are great for LOTS of things.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
And vice versa. When I was applying for my long term "Retirement Visa" to Australia I used their Embassy in Los Angeles, and not only were they very helpful, they expedited everything and I received it in about 4 weeks, and ........................ instead of for a 10 year period which is normal mine is stamped "Permanent".
Embassies are great for LOTS of things.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
It is possible to quit without rehab. PM me if interested.
I will say this, though: you do not want to end up in prison for murder in the Domincan Republic. I have seen prisons in other more developed third-world countries in Latin America, and I can assure you that they are quite different from what you might see in a first world country like the UK. Your average American or European often does not last more than two or three years.
I will say this, though: you do not want to end up in prison for murder in the Domincan Republic. I have seen prisons in other more developed third-world countries in Latin America, and I can assure you that they are quite different from what you might see in a first world country like the UK. Your average American or European often does not last more than two or three years.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
Originally Posted by SSIL75
That's what I figured (not the DR part specifically but that you were stuck outside the US).
I think you have to move out of the house you share with her, at least.
I think you have to move out of the house you share with her, at least.
Hi - I totally agree with SSIL75 on this.
What happens when you ask for your space for recovery? It sounds as though she doesn't respect that boundary.
Great advice from Carol as well.
Wishing you the best of luck and welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Drinking makes us unable to understand other human beings. It makes us dishonest, emotionally wacky, ill-tempered, impulsive ("Would you like to have my computer, New Best Friend??), sick, scared, and eventually dead.
Your daughter needs you, and your lady may not be the evil wombat that she looks like in your worst moods.
There is one thing that needs to happen in your life and you know what it is. She can't make you drink and she can't make you sober. Hurting her won't make you feel better, at all.
What is that little girl doing right now, and where is her dad?
Best wishes for you to make the one change that will start everything getting saner minute by minute.
Your daughter needs you, and your lady may not be the evil wombat that she looks like in your worst moods.
There is one thing that needs to happen in your life and you know what it is. She can't make you drink and she can't make you sober. Hurting her won't make you feel better, at all.
What is that little girl doing right now, and where is her dad?
Best wishes for you to make the one change that will start everything getting saner minute by minute.
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