Mariano

Hello Tuesday. I think you should analyze that fear with the aid of a counsellor/therapist.
It is very difficult to quit alcohol without aid of others. There may be underlying issues that you cannot identify. Perhaps those issues drive you to drinking.

I tried AA some time ago, and although I continued drinking it was very useful for me. I am now using the lessons I learned there. I visit a therapist, that is very useful for me. Now I dont go to AA.

I pray, meditate and relax. I believe this is the reason I remain sober.

Just a question: Why don't you dare to say to your boyfriend that you would prefer not to have beer in home? Fear? Lack of self-confidence? Sorry, I am rambling. Just saying that fears and lack of self-confidence are frequent triggers. These are the things that a therapits can teach you.

Hugs.

Tuesday24

Thank you for all of your wonderful responses. Each of them spoke to me. I guess that I need to stop searching or waiting for something to happen. I guess that I am used to the instant gratification that I felt alcohol gave me. I can see from the different responses that there is no one "right" way, just "my" way.

Tuesday24

I have tried to tell him. I broke down one night and told him everything. He is the "strong silent type" He did not have much to say but one thing he did say was "You don't have to hide it" I am not sure what that meant. We have not talked about it since. I guess that I poured my heart out to him and told him things I have never told anyone and he didn't seem to think I had a problem. It kind of hurt but I truly think that he didn't want to be confrontational with me- he never does.

Mariano

Sorry, I only want to make think-provoking questions.

You dont have to ask him not to drink, but you can say not to bring beer in the house. That is quite reasonable. May be you have a communication problem, that is, may be you dont have communication abilities? Do you find difficult to assert your legitimate interests/rights? This might be a problem. I have that problem and it was the main reason I drank. It is called lack of assertivity

A therapist can help you to identify this kind of problems, that are very difficult to analyze without aid.


PS: This post was published before reading your previous message. I have left it unchanged though.

Mariano

Perhaps you should talk a little more about it. No drama, only talking normally. "Talking normally" is not to so easy. I dont know how to do it. I tend to be extreme or frivolous. A therapist can teach you communication abilities or other abilities that would prevent drinking.

I used to drink alcohol to avoid some other problems: lack of communication, solitude, lack of self-confidence, self steem, assertivity... To obtain a full recovery I have to solve these problems... not terrible ones, but the ones that lead me to drink.

sugarbear1

I define dry drunk as one not growing spiritaully, remaining angry, judgemental and feeling worthless, criticizing others, not focusing on self, making assumptions, not working a program of action and not drinking alcohol..

AA has solutions for me, if I follow suggestions.

My sponsor calls it Good Orderly Direction.

BurnToBuild

Creating a plan for myself has gotten to be more difficult than i thought. I first had a month off from work to detox and recover but now due to changes within my department, i'm looking at 7 days max and back into battle.

Physically, it's straightforward as i've got a store of workout supplements ready to go and am hooked up to the point that i could get 100% doctor prescribed steroids if i want.

Mentally, psychiatrists that can help me deal with my problems and allow me to become who i want to be are rather scarce. Too many touchy feely hippy types who are afraid of aggressive, goal orientated strivers. From my prior experiences and observations, lots docs encourage submission over empowerment.

Finally, the biggest undecided thing is....What do i do with the next few years? I have two choices... I have a high risk/high reward path that can make me either well off financially or break me to my last penny and homelessness. If i push hard and make it, i can be rich as hell.

The second is a musical one. I'm currently involved in something that could become a band. Intentions are to ceaselessly write and rehearse, play hard on the weekends and tour on vacation time from work. The drawback is that as satisfying as it is as far as art and ego goes, we'll be broke as hell. The reality of music outside of top 40 pop is that you''l live in poverty.

I can have one or the other and it's killing me trying to make a choice.

Tuesday24

I hear you about making a choice about something difficult. For so long I tried to avoid making decisions and later realized not making a decision IS making a decision. Good luck with your decision

Soberpotamus

BTB & Tuesday... ditto! I'm at that place where I am gonna need to start deciding between things and making decisions, career-wise.

It can be scary and a bit debilitating sometimes... It's hard not to want to control outcomes and you just never know how things will turn out when you take a chance on something... guess that's life, huh?

Tuesday24

I couldn't agree more Jenny- I am in the same boat. The only thing that I do know is that I have to do what is best for me (that is a nice change).

DayTrader

Tuesday.....

Smacked beat me to it.

Up until I got serious about sobriety.......I didn't have any quality sobriety. No coincidence, huh? lol

I ran "my" version of life, I tried what made sense to me, I did what I thought would work....etc etc etc. Pretty normal thinking, I'd say. The problem was, life wasn't getting better and I just knew, sooner or later, I was going to drink again SOMEtime down the road......and I couldn't afford that choice anymore.

I didn't know what to do either......didn't know where to start or anything.....so I made a committment to AA in my head. I figured I'd give it ONE SINCERE HONEST-TO-GOODNESS shot. And bear in mind, I already had 3 or 6 months dry-time by this point. I'd actually get the sponsor, try to learn and practice the steps......all that stuff. And trust me, I haaaaaaaated AA (mostly due to traumatic alanon / alateen experiences as a kid growing up).

Deep down, I kinda hoped it WOULDN'T work so I wouldn't have to keep doing it. LOL, that sounds particularly "alcoholic" doesn't it? - Preferring to stay sick vs. recovering and feeling wonderful because the recovery might come in a fashion I don't "like." LOLOL.

That was more than several years ago and, much as I didn't believe them when I first got there, "it really does keep getting better - IF you're willing to continue working it."

Maybe you'll find something and be able to keep your fears......maybe you'll have to just work right through them..... I can't say. I'll make a bet on which one will likely be the best for you though.....