Justfor1

I've been sober since the beginning of the year and my depression is creeping back in. I see a doctor and take medication for it but the truth is medication will only do so much. I am slowly developing an addiction to casino gambling as well. I find that I get the same "escape" when I am playing blackjack or video poker. I recently ran into a ex-girlfriend who was with someone & I feel horrible. I go to AA three times a week, have a sponser and it doesn't seem to be enough. The truth about depression is sometimes it never gets better. Some of the feelings I experience in sobriety this time are overwhelming. I struggle with the believe that I deserve to have a miserable life. While I can identify these negative thoughts, I can't shake them.

Terminally Unique

Have you tried regular exercise? Even a half hour a day would do a lot of good. I have depression, and it is a struggle to force myself to do it, but it is one of the best ways to combat depression. Also, if you tend to stay indoors, out of the sunlight too long, try getting some sun.

laurie6781

You need to go back to your doctor. Many times the first medication or the second does not work. There are so many Anti-D's out there today and some work great for some folks and not for others that it can become a 'trial and error' by your doctor and you to find one that does work.

You also need to discuss 'your gambling issues.' You're trading one addiction for another.

Having been married, in sobriety to another sober alcoholic who changed his addiction, to gambling, I do understand how that can happen.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Justfor1

Laurie, I've been on all sorts of anti-depressants and mood stabalizers. I don't believe medication will change my life. Yes it will help but only to a certain degree. Alcohol helped for a number of years, however, as most people on these boards know it stops working and turns on you. My anxiety is out of control as well. This doctor that I see refuses to prescribe the medication that I really need. I look at it is what is worse taking 1 Klonopin or chugging a pint of Vodka? I don't believe in the benzo type drugs are alcohol in a pill form. I'm considering going to another doctor but I don't have insurance so I will have to seek out another free clinic. The psych doctor that I currently see once a month can be mean and even checks her computer sometimes to see if I filled any controlled substances! I haven't and I been off alcohol/illegal drugs and benzos since the beginning of the year.

Terminally Unique

Some formerly alcohol-dependent people do take benzodiazepines as prescribed for legitimate reasons. Personally, I don't think I would be able to, since I have used them before to avoid withdrawal, and they produce massive alcohol cravings for me when they start to wear off. Make sure to let any PDOC know about your history, however, and if you notice yourself deviating from the scheduled dosage even once, take note.

keithj

What Step are you on? Prey to depression and misery is one of the symptoms of untreated alcoholism. Having a sponsor doesn't do much if you aren't actively taking the suggested treatment.

nandm

Have you considered therapy? Many times the YWCA/YMCA will offer free or reduced cost therapy and your city should have a mental health center that also offers help to those with limited financial resources.

I know for me medications are only part of fixing the problem I need therapy to address the underlying issues. Yes, there are mental health problems that I will need medication to keep stabilized for life but in the meantime I can be proactive and continue therapy to address the other issues that it can help.

Justfor1

I am currently working on the beginning with my sponser who tells me that discussing step work is between him and me. I chair a step meeting once a week because I believe I can help the person who is in their first 30 days. I believe that my depression and misery are outside issues that I have struggled with since I was in high school.

TwelveSteps

Yup, exercise is really key, even if it's just walking. Studies have shown that regular exercise is as effective as anti-depressants. Until you get moving it's tough to move forward on anything else.

GG

Supercrew

Casino gambling while being unemployed would make me depressed everytime I lost, and casinos weren't built to lose money. Just thinking this might be a cause and not a solution.

Justfor1

Being unemployed does not mean I necessarily don't have money. I also get "comped" a significant amount of money each month by the the casinos. The truth is I have been so depressed lately that I haven't been going quite as much. I've been struggling to make my 3-4 AA meetings a week as well. I refuse to relapse though because I really enjoy the meeting I chair. I would never show up intoxicated when I chair a meeting ever again.

Supercrew

I don't know your financial situation, but losing any money depresses me. Being that you said you don't have a work history for the past couple of years and you have lived on the street and you occassionally beg and con people out of money I would guess that gambling would be a hard hobby to enjoy. For me it was very stressful and depressing when I tried to make a go of it about 15 years ago.

BurnToBuild

What kind of gambling did you try? I actually know a couple low key pro poker players (aka grinders). The way these guys operate, there's little to no gambling involved.

Supercrew

I was into the ponies. I played for about 2 years while working, and I tried to get a nice bankroll and keep it going. I was successful for a while, but evn with jockey and trainer tips and a couple of systems it became more work than....work, and it was stressful to boot.

Poker is a different world nowadays. Win a few tourneys, get a sponser and go. It's almost like a pro sport now.

keithj

Whether you discuss it or not, that statement indicates where in the Steps you are at. All I can suggest is, get a thorough Step 1 and continue all the way through 12, the sooner the better. You might be surprised at the effect that process has on your other issues.

DayTrader

I found myself in a similar spot somewhere around 8 - 11 months in Just.....

I kept going to meetings and or listening to open talks and everywhere I turned the 9th step promises were discussed: ....We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness....will not regret the past (even the past of today)....comprehend serenity.....know peace....feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear....lose interest in selfish things.....gain interest in our fellows.....self seeking will slip away.....fear of ppl and economic insecurity will leave us....etc. Well, that stuff wasn't happening for ME, that's for sure.

Just prior to those promises it suggests that if we're painstaking about this phase of our development, we'll begin to see those promises manifesting in our lives. Well, painstaking about WHAT phase of our development? --> steps 1-8, obviously. That's when the light bulb went off in my head...... I hadn't been painstaking with 1-8. That bummed me out......cuz I'd done a lot of work, been to a lot of meetings, met with my sponsor a lot, and did a lot of changing........ I absolutely was different.....but I wasn't "there" yet - no question in my mind anyway.

It started to occur to me that these were the same old feelings that drove me nuts in the past......the junk that I'd typically go out and drink away, as best I could. It seemed to reason that, unless this garbage got cleaned up, I was probably going to repeat the exact same behaviors that I'd done 100's or 1000's of times......I'd get drunk. There were maaaany times where I'd decided not to drink.....yet drank anyway....and this situation, when I looked at it objectively, didn't look any different. It hit me...... I WAS going to drink again......sooner or later.....unless I found a way to recover from alcoholism - and this was around 9 months from my last drink.

The next big revelation came from "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." Man......that was news to me. I always thought I'D straighten out mentally when I straightened my mental state out. It never occurred to me to attack the mental issues with a spiritual sword.......it just didn't seem like it would work. I'd done the Xanax route, the Effexor route, the therapy route, the self-will route .....and several others....... but I hadn't really given a fair shake to the Spiritual Route.

So..... I went and tried that last house on the block..... the darn basis for AA - a spiritual solution. Back into the steps with some big-time sense of urgency and willingness. My defiance was gone (or, at least, greatly reduced)..... I was rather willing to try just about anything. Finally......with the threat of my life sucking...possibly forever......and probably drinking again......I was finally willing to set aside my preconceptions about what I thought I needed, what I thought I should do, what I thought would work and wouldn't work, what I thought made sense, what I though I should try and not try......so on and so forth.

As Keith suggested above..... actually doing the steps......and applying them in my everyday all-day life (not just "talking about them at meetings" like I had been doing)....... all I can say is...... Wow, what a difference.

Mark75

My own experience is that I did suffer a fairly significant period of depression my first year or so... and my experience was that the steps helped enormously.

However, everyone's experience is different and I would only suggest you stay close to your sponsor but also don't rule out seeing a professional.

LOL, I love blackjack but I HATE, HATE losing money, so I play it on my iPhone, mostly, LOL... My grandfather was a gambling addict as well as an alcoholic which made for a really difficult early childhood for my father... so I keep casinos a rare once a year treat.

Justfor1

I hate the way it sounds but I believe that I have a addictive personality, in addition, to mental illness. I guess I'm getting away from my thread I started but I want to see a different psych doctor. Some people will say that I am "drug seeking" but I look at is as getting a "second opinion." I've been battling addiction & mental illness long enough to know how others think. It's hard to find services that are free but I always seem to manage when I am determined. It upsets me to see my doctor look at the computer and see if I've been bad & filled controlled substance scripts. She even told my therapist that I can be a very difficult patient! I believe that anti-depressants can only help a person so much. I'm going to go to a meeting today and turn in a job application maybe I'll feel better then.