BurnToBuild

The more i read up on PAWS, the more i wonder about how i'm going to be able to get through a single workday.

My job is high stress and sometimes high speed as well. I detest it but it keeps a roof over my head. Some of personnel aren't the most civil people around. More than a few times i've had situations which were just short of actual violence. Mainly, if someone tried to take advantage of me i offered send them to an ICU as i'm known as a insanely agressive person when provoked. Most of the guys i'm tight with are semi retired gangmembers and we engage in verbal sparing as a form of entertainment. Sometimes, one will say something outrageously offensive just to see if they can push someones buttons. The ability to keep your cool and make a snappy comeback is the goal. Needless to say, these guys just don't give a @#$% if one can't keep himself together. Having problems? That's your tough luck

For the life of me, i don't know what to do.

I've been cursed/blessed with a nasty hair trigger temper. Most episodes of violence in the past tended to be displays of over the top mayhem as i went beserk in a heartbeat and did my utter best to smash the problem to bits

I've destroyed company property in the past. If i was in a bad mood or something set me off, something was bound to be broken. Knowing myself, i think i'm probaly going to get fired rather quickly after i get back to work.

Any ideas?

michelle01

It's a good question, there's a variety of tips out there to deal with PAWS in stressful situations, I just tried to suggest some in another thread. Some people release anger through exercise/workouts.

In the end I resorted to Campral medication to get through PAWS, it did help calm me down and clear my thoughts, I had to keep working on personal recovery for long term sobriety though. And there are people who don't like relying on medication to deal with these things. There are other means out there, I probably didn't give them all a fair go. But it's a personal choice. I hope it doesn't seem I'm trying to advocate something, just saying there are choices out there these days to decide with your doctor, and it was helpful in my own experience.

I didn't have PAWS all the time, it was intermittent.

Hope more people can add some suggestions for you. I do recommend that you engage in a recovery plan of some sort and get some support if it's going to be difficult.

michelle01

*You should perhaps focus first on your initial withdrawal/recovery, PAWS comes later and you should seek professional diagnosis.

Supercrew

I drank heavily for the better part of 20 some years, and almost daily for the last 4 years of my drinking career, and I never had any PAWS symptoms. Plus believe it or not, once you cut the alcohol out and start thinking straight I think you will be able to handle your workplace environment a little better. I also think the advice of starting a workout/weight lifting program will benefit you both mentally and physically. It will take the stress off and burn up steam as well as make guys more apt not to screw with you especially if you are already somewhat of a lose cannon.

Dee74

I wouldn't worry about it BTB...not everyone gets PAWs, and my inner rage and irritability was all in the withdrawal period, not later with PAWs.

I can also recommend exercise.

If you find your temper getting out of control tho, I'd look into counselling and anger management, stuff like that, maybe?

D

BurnToBuild

I'm already making workout plans since getting sober is part of a total life overhaul. Getting rid of this addiction is merely the first step.

I don't like who and what i am. I've spent my entire life as a loser. The good life is out there and i want it, but i can't make it if i'm drinking.

stugotz

Man I feel ya. I too have that short Italian fuse. I can really relate to the "mayhem" comment. Its almost like there was no stopping it once it started. Plus I come from a "throwing" family. A split second decision that would lead to long term consequences. But... AA taught me to take just an extra nano-second to think about things and that made all the difference in the world for me. For me Alcohol and Drugs were just secondary problems, I had to fix me first. Good luck and thanks for sharing.

ZZworldontheweb

Just don't participate in the verbal banter. Smile and say thanks and go about your work.

You'll be amazed at the amount of strength you have if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And it WILL get easier, just be patient.

CarolD

BTB....Wwelcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum...

If I did have PAWS I never noticed it
I have noticed how much I've changed for the good since I quit...:yup

I did make a job change to protect my early fragile sobriety but that may not be possible for you.

CarolD

Not until I came on line in 92 ...already successffly 3 years into my AA recovery DID I hear a thing about the possiblity of PAWS

fOR ANYONE WHO IS NOT AWARE....HERE IS THE LINK...

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
.

Gwizz

Withdrawal is easier if you know you want to give up FACT, withdrawal is also harder if you have a lot of worry in yourself knowing life will be without drink. If alcoholics REALLY wanted to give up and gave it 100%, and dedicated all their thoughts and strength going through withdrawal many would be very surprised with themselves on how it was easier than they thought..

Mark75

Since the consequences are so high... possible property destruction or violence on another human being, I suggest strongly that you seek some professional help... really... it may help you come to some serenity over this whole thing. It will be time and money well spent.

Also, after you are clean and sober, you may find your anger issues subside, maybe not, but it worth a try, huh?

PAWS for me was always better when I was working, I had something to focus on.

NYCDoglvr

I drank daily for 15 years, have been sober for 20 and never had PAWS. You just don't drink TODAY.

BurnToBuild

I worry very much about how i'm going to cope with things.

When i first started 2 decades ago, i was a neurotic, phobic mess. Things have gotten much worse since. Over that core developed a cynical, angry, beast with murderous thoughts who does not tolerate opposition well.

At work the other day i was in a disasterous situation and while trying my best not to break down weeping. At the same time i was having severe dry heaves and was sweating loads from what i know now is withdrawal (i used to just think i was getting sicker than usual). I also knew that when came to work the next shift, failure to finish what i was doing is going to be something that can and will be used against me.

As soon as i clocked out, i virtually ran home and guzzled my first few beers in near record time. It took hours to calm down somewhat as i reflected over the futility of my past and the chances of achieving a new life. I also pondered as to how i will be able to survive the everyday war without the consolation of the bottle to help me get ready for the next day's battle.

Being stripped of the daily solace and admitting addiction to those at work is pretty much a glowing neon sign of weakness. I'm already figuring on who's going to move in on me. I try to put myself in their shoes and work out various ways they'll attack and undermine. Given the chance to get rid of someone i don't like who's vunerable, i wouldn't hesitate and so i know what i'm facing on that front.

I figure the first six months are going to be misery. If i can hold my own and counterattack with proper strength and timing, i'll have it made.

I want to be able to do something else with my life. I know what i want, i know what i need to do, i'm not 100 percent on success but the odds are favorable.

There's a job i've been looking at for the last twelve years or so but only recently have developed the self confidence needed to function in that world. To be honest, i'm somewhat conning myself about my abilities but sometimes you just have to jump into the deep end and sink or swim. Provided i don't get in stupid situations and play my cards right, i should have income sufficient to allow me to live life how i want.

The wall between the life and the current one is a solid mass of addiction and disorders. That yet another reason to wait just over a month to begin detox as i'm in the process of detailing a proper plan of attack against the wall.

I intend to leave nothing to chance.

My user name is a declaration. One must burn down the old to build the new.

Itchy

BtoB,
Simple answer is how are you going to cope at work if you continue and drink yourself to death?

Brucel

Surrounding myself with people whom I want to emulate, or behavior i want to exhibit was my first choice in recovery. I ran with a crew that was a lot like you discribed and after a minute, I outgrew them. Then what? I found a home group in AA and weeded thru the landscape. Today, I, after a pause, choose how I act and my friends in recovery call me on it when I don't. We can do this together, but I can't by myself with the same thinking I showed up with. Keep posting and seek other help if you can.

BurnToBuild

Lose/Lose situation isn't it?

Knowing just how gossipy the workplace is, i can empahsise sudden mood swings and irritability to keep people on their toes. One guy i've worked with on many occasions actually told our supervisor once that he was worried about his safety after he heard me telling another guy who tried to screw me over that i would blow his brains out if he tried me just one more time.

It was over the top but that's how the workplace is. Supervisor's reaction was to ask me what went down, laugh, and send us back to work after i guaranteed i had nothing against the fearful one as he was a right guy and probaly the sole honest man in the whole department.

Otherwise it's like being in the jungle.

Why do i continue to work there? The cheap housing available through the company and awareness of the everyday evils. I quit, i'm homeless again and have to start over at yet another nowhere job where the fight to establish reputation and position begins yet again.

I want more.

I want to be an all conquering dynamo. I want to be a single minded deal setting, cash making machine. I'm out to get paid!

First step is overcoming alcohol and enduring six months of sobriety.

NoelleR

"...First step is overcoming alcohol and enduring six months of sobriety..."

I sort of had to cringe when I read this. When I first quit (drinking/drugs, etc.) and started on the 'road to/of recovery' one of the first things I learned was all the silly li'll acronyms heard around AA...............

We all know that 'AA' stands for Alcoholics Anonymous, but early on in recovery a favorite game was coming up with different meanings for this acronym. One of these (my personal favorite) was/is 'AA' stands for Attitude Adjustment.....

You may want to rethink your first six months of sobriety; if I had thought of my first six months of sobriety as something to be endurred, well, I'd probly still be 'out there' drinking/using (actually, I'd more than likely be dead). I quit drinking/drugging to 'get a life' to really start 'living' and that's what my life in recovery has been (absolutely no enduring atall).

So, BTB, here's to your journey, you ole 'all conquering dynamo, single minded deal setting, cash making machine,' you...............


(o:
NoelleR

BurnToBuild

Noelle,

If i am really, really lottery winning lucky i can maybe get a month off from work. In reality i'm looking at 5-7 days then it's back to work and i better be firing on all cylinders or i'm going to be out of job and home soon after

I'll be without my alcohol shelter of the last two decades. Not to mention the mental issues that are mountain sized and have to be dealt with now as well. And it's all going to be outpatient care of the lowest quality since i don't have any money worth a damn and my HMO will not pay for a stretch in rehab.

So here's what i figure is coming up...Detox and it's hell, dealing with a screwed up brain that's trying to rewire itself, phobic reactions and and other mental defects kicking in which the alcohol kept from boiling over, side effects from the various drugs i'll be taking, hostile co-workers at a job i despise, a physical workout routine that would be agonizing to a healthy 20 year old, much less someone who is middle aged with various ailments, isolation from every single person i know in my social circles since without exception they all drink and hang around in bars and clubs and last but not least, i can't go anywhere because all the gigs are swamped in alcohol.

I'm also wondering about how i'll relate to people in AA. I can imagine this exchange...

Me-"My god,this is killing me and i hate dealing with idiots in my face all the time"

AA type-"Well, what coping methods did you have in the past"

Me-"Eh, if they got to be too much of a pain in the @#$ when i was younger, i shot them, or at least i tried to." "Now i prefer doing my best to beat them to death if i can get the chance as the workout does me good"


I'm not fooling myself, the first six months are going to be grim without a doubt.

If i can't stay sober for that time, it confirms the fact that i am unworthy of a better life and am little more than skid row trash awaiting a paupers grave or a future suicide.

The war commences in just over one month.