Self Discovery...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Self Discovery...
Just curious what self discovery meant to you once you removed alcohol and most mind/mood altering substances from your repertoire. Did you find that giving up your drugs of choice marked the end of your journey or just the beginning of a new exploration into who you really are?
For the most part I always followed the Ayn Rand, (Objectivism) school of thought. The idea was that man was responsible for his own happiness and as long as you didn't harm anyone you had no obligation to others or society at large. It was a horray for me and the hell with everyone else kind of thinking.
Once I got sober on a full time basis I began going through a catharsis of sorts. My old way of thinking no longer seemed to work, it threw up one road block after another in trying to move forward in rediscovering who this sane, sober all the time person even was.
My goal was to learn how to live in the present, to be at peace with myself, to be able to sit quietly, to accept the fact that what is, is and for the most part that's OK. To be able to actually enjoy the simple things in life was a quality I lost a long time ago but the good news is that it seems to be comming back a little at a time.
To be able to sit here and type this with a quiet mind, at peace, without my thoughts running wild in a thousand different directions is still kind of new to me. It truely is a gift but it seems that it was there all along. It was me and my thinking that resisted it every step of the way. Everything doesn't have to be perfect, you just have to let go and look beyond the imperfections...
How's your journey unfolding? Anyone care to share with my late night rambling?
For the most part I always followed the Ayn Rand, (Objectivism) school of thought. The idea was that man was responsible for his own happiness and as long as you didn't harm anyone you had no obligation to others or society at large. It was a horray for me and the hell with everyone else kind of thinking.
Once I got sober on a full time basis I began going through a catharsis of sorts. My old way of thinking no longer seemed to work, it threw up one road block after another in trying to move forward in rediscovering who this sane, sober all the time person even was.
My goal was to learn how to live in the present, to be at peace with myself, to be able to sit quietly, to accept the fact that what is, is and for the most part that's OK. To be able to actually enjoy the simple things in life was a quality I lost a long time ago but the good news is that it seems to be comming back a little at a time.
To be able to sit here and type this with a quiet mind, at peace, without my thoughts running wild in a thousand different directions is still kind of new to me. It truely is a gift but it seems that it was there all along. It was me and my thinking that resisted it every step of the way. Everything doesn't have to be perfect, you just have to let go and look beyond the imperfections...
How's your journey unfolding? Anyone care to share with my late night rambling?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
To be honest, my journey really began when I started looking at things through my children's eyes. I'm living my life, yes. I got clean and sober for myself. But I really KISS (keep it simple sister) and having children has made that possible, and sometimes more than necessary.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hmmmm....can't say that I agree with Ayn that much although I loved the Fountainhead
I started working on myself when I was in my mid-30s which was also when I first tried to stop drinking. The two were tied together. And though I made a lot of progress I couldn't quit drinking until last year. Once the alcohol removed my self work accelerated by leaps and bounds.
I too believe we are responsible for our own world view and approach to life. Happiness is a choice we make
I started working on myself when I was in my mid-30s which was also when I first tried to stop drinking. The two were tied together. And though I made a lot of progress I couldn't quit drinking until last year. Once the alcohol removed my self work accelerated by leaps and bounds.
I too believe we are responsible for our own world view and approach to life. Happiness is a choice we make
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
It gave me time to reflect on where I have been, (what I can remember at least), and set a path for where I am going. Once I took alcohol out of the equation the possibilities are infinite. This self discovery turned me into the person I have always wanted to be, and now I have the power and the strength and the tools to happily move forward with confidence.
), and set a path for where I am going. Once I took alcohol out of the equation the possibilities are infinite. This self discovery turned me into the person I have always wanted to be, and now I have the power and the strength and the tools to happily move forward with confidence.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
My drinking and using life was journey,nearly to my death. I learned live in a reality of my own making and in isolation so that I could have constant contact with my alcohol and pot. In recovery I will not live isolated in my head and reflect much on the past except to release the negitive emotions that I put in the "numb bank" of my being. In my new journey I WILL FEEL emotions postive and negative. I will learn to live and that is a trek that I hope will be made in 24 hour increments, in immediate mindfulness of the present until........
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
I did not sign up for a voyage of introspection and discovery. But it was ultimately the only way up from the spot I'd wound up in. Much of my life had been about running - running from accountability, running from my past, running from reality, running from vulnerability. All of that running ultimately culminated in dramatic tragedy and a massive existential crisis.
A couple of years ago I found myself hopeless, in jail, and actively suicidal. With instruction and coaxing from a trusted advisor, I began to meditate for long stretches of time. It was at first terrifying to be so disarmed, but I stuck with it and it slowly began to affect my thinking. Pretty soon, my perspective started to became less rigid, my mind wandered less, and I began to recognize bits of humanity and decency in others, including my fellow inmates. On the night of a birthday I spent locked in a solitary cell, I was awoken by a chorus of voices - the 100 or so other inmates on that cell block, singing 'Happy Birthday' in unison. It was oddly poignant and affecting. I noticed also that the more I recognized this sort of genuine goodness in others, the more I began to recognize it within myself... The idea of interdependency had taken root.
Eventually I left jail, and returned to work and the mainstream, but the practices of turning within, which I learned there as a literal survival technique, and respecting interconnectedness, have stuck with me and likely will forever shape my way of thinking. These practices are what make my sobriety at all possible and sustainable today.
A couple of years ago I found myself hopeless, in jail, and actively suicidal. With instruction and coaxing from a trusted advisor, I began to meditate for long stretches of time. It was at first terrifying to be so disarmed, but I stuck with it and it slowly began to affect my thinking. Pretty soon, my perspective started to became less rigid, my mind wandered less, and I began to recognize bits of humanity and decency in others, including my fellow inmates. On the night of a birthday I spent locked in a solitary cell, I was awoken by a chorus of voices - the 100 or so other inmates on that cell block, singing 'Happy Birthday' in unison. It was oddly poignant and affecting. I noticed also that the more I recognized this sort of genuine goodness in others, the more I began to recognize it within myself... The idea of interdependency had taken root.
Eventually I left jail, and returned to work and the mainstream, but the practices of turning within, which I learned there as a literal survival technique, and respecting interconnectedness, have stuck with me and likely will forever shape my way of thinking. These practices are what make my sobriety at all possible and sustainable today.
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
I was a closet drinker. Removing alcohol from my life not only relieved my physical misery but more so mentally and socially. I no longer have to hide, lie, circumvent and create excuses and road blocks between me and those around me. Removing the baggage that accompanied my drinking is like removing 100 lbs from my body. It is with great joy that I can talk to people and look at them in the eye again.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
For me self-discovery has been a long process .... even after a few decades sober I'm still learning about myself. When had 17 years I did another fourth step and discovered a huge amount of self-will in myself, never realized that before.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
My drinking did not lead to happiness, I got a pleasant buzz for while. My actions caused misery for myself and my family. There are strong signs that things are improving for us.
I have under-performed at work and in my friendships. The more I drank the less I had to give others. I was there but almost absent, the superficial me.
In the past I have tried exercise programs, rewarding myself as a way of maintaining sobriety. Now I think the spiritual dimension is important to explore. I have not done it before and at it's heart the desire to drink can be seen as a problem of "dis-satisfaction".
I have under-performed at work and in my friendships. The more I drank the less I had to give others. I was there but almost absent, the superficial me.
In the past I have tried exercise programs, rewarding myself as a way of maintaining sobriety. Now I think the spiritual dimension is important to explore. I have not done it before and at it's heart the desire to drink can be seen as a problem of "dis-satisfaction".
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 99
Interesting question.
After 9 months sober, I'm still trying to discover myself or, more accurately, what I am capable of without alcohol in me, dictating my actions. What I have discovered though is that alcoholism still very much dictates my thinking and behaviour even though I've been sober awhile. I take this as a sign that I haven't put the necessary work into my recovery yet.
Hmm, though-provoking post, Back2Square1!
After 9 months sober, I'm still trying to discover myself or, more accurately, what I am capable of without alcohol in me, dictating my actions. What I have discovered though is that alcoholism still very much dictates my thinking and behaviour even though I've been sober awhile. I take this as a sign that I haven't put the necessary work into my recovery yet.
Hmm, though-provoking post, Back2Square1!
...is learning and growing...
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 573
Self discovery and human behavior have been a passion (and a career) for me; unfortunately, I've had more success helping others than myself. Recovery, or my attempts at it, has really begun to open my eyes to the personality, oh let's call them quirks , that have kept me stuck for a long time.
I definitely see sobriety as marking the real beginning of my exploration as anything I did while drunk/hungover/thinking about the next drunk was a skewed version of reality.
This is an interesting topic and I could go on all day, lol.
, that have kept me stuck for a long time. I definitely see sobriety as marking the real beginning of my exploration as anything I did while drunk/hungover/thinking about the next drunk was a skewed version of reality.
This is an interesting topic and I could go on all day, lol.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
When I quit drugs and alcohol and went to rehab, it was just to get clean and move on from the pain of my addiction. For months, my goal was to stay sober and if I did it was a successful day. I was obsessed with my clean time and just making it through the day, and I was "high" on the thought of getting past this huge issue and I wasn't really dealing with my mental/emotional issues. After I was able to do that for some time the excitement wore off and the pink cloud of sobriety passed, I was re-introduced to my self and really had to deal with life instead of being numb.
I wasn't comfortable with myself and I lived in a constant state of anxiety and depression. I didn't get professional help for this, but I started exercising, read spiritual books (I highly recommended Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - it really helped me big time with seeing things in a healthier light), meditated, and tried to step out of my comfort zone everyday. This was a really painful process for a while and a big test for my sobriety because I knew getting high would instantly make me feel better, but I stayed clean.
Today, my main motivation for staying clean isn't because of my addiction and to avoid the negative consequences if I go down that road again. (though that's enough reason in itself). What really motivates me is my desire to keep growing as a person. I really value my new consciousness and peace that I've found. It required me getting sober to do this so it's a huge priority to maintain it, without it none of this would've been possible. But it was only step one.
I wasn't comfortable with myself and I lived in a constant state of anxiety and depression. I didn't get professional help for this, but I started exercising, read spiritual books (I highly recommended Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - it really helped me big time with seeing things in a healthier light), meditated, and tried to step out of my comfort zone everyday. This was a really painful process for a while and a big test for my sobriety because I knew getting high would instantly make me feel better, but I stayed clean.
Today, my main motivation for staying clean isn't because of my addiction and to avoid the negative consequences if I go down that road again. (though that's enough reason in itself). What really motivates me is my desire to keep growing as a person. I really value my new consciousness and peace that I've found. It required me getting sober to do this so it's a huge priority to maintain it, without it none of this would've been possible. But it was only step one.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
I'm starting to figure out that the real subtext of self discovery/self help isn't so much about comming up with some grandiose scheme that will transform us into enlightened beings able to transcend everything that life cares to throw at us. Quite to the contrary it seems to be an ongoing process where we must work on the little things on a daily basis.
For example, one of my biggest faults was always a lack of empathy toward others. Traffic and people ahead of me in a check-out line were just obstacles in my way. I never stopped to think that we were all in the same boat, each of us very different but alike at the same time. So each day I try to bring into my conscious awareness areas that I need to work on and try to incorporate them into daily life.
Last week I had to go to the hospital for a nuclear stress test because I had a slightly enlarged heart from years of anabolic steroid use back in my bodybuilding days and I would assume that all of the alcohol abuse also contributed to it. Anyhow this is a very long test, about 4 hours and most of that time is waiting. They inject a radioactive dye, then you wait, then they take a few scans and wait and so on.
The waiting room was very small and there were about 8 of us that had to sit there and act like we really cared about the magazine or newspaper we had picked up or the news on the TV playing in the background. I noticed that everyone in the room would occasionally steal a glance at someone else in the room but if the other person made eye contact they quickly looked away.
I decided to give this empathy thing a try so I made some small talk to the woman sitting next to me about the weather, then she asked me what test I was getting done, I told her, then someone else chimed in that they were getting the same test. Others were there for cancer testing and the room was suddenly alive with conversation. On the way out the woman had finished up about the same time that I did so we walked out together. She remarked that she had to call a cab so I gave her a ride home. I know this sounds like trivial stuff but random acts of kindness were just not part of my usual bag of tricks.
You can even make up a short meditation to reinforce whatever it is you are trying to change. Through the use of imagery you can visualize yourself as already being the person you want to be. Do this every day and it will make a difference!
For example, one of my biggest faults was always a lack of empathy toward others. Traffic and people ahead of me in a check-out line were just obstacles in my way. I never stopped to think that we were all in the same boat, each of us very different but alike at the same time. So each day I try to bring into my conscious awareness areas that I need to work on and try to incorporate them into daily life.
Last week I had to go to the hospital for a nuclear stress test because I had a slightly enlarged heart from years of anabolic steroid use back in my bodybuilding days and I would assume that all of the alcohol abuse also contributed to it. Anyhow this is a very long test, about 4 hours and most of that time is waiting. They inject a radioactive dye, then you wait, then they take a few scans and wait and so on.
The waiting room was very small and there were about 8 of us that had to sit there and act like we really cared about the magazine or newspaper we had picked up or the news on the TV playing in the background. I noticed that everyone in the room would occasionally steal a glance at someone else in the room but if the other person made eye contact they quickly looked away.
I decided to give this empathy thing a try so I made some small talk to the woman sitting next to me about the weather, then she asked me what test I was getting done, I told her, then someone else chimed in that they were getting the same test. Others were there for cancer testing and the room was suddenly alive with conversation. On the way out the woman had finished up about the same time that I did so we walked out together. She remarked that she had to call a cab so I gave her a ride home. I know this sounds like trivial stuff but random acts of kindness were just not part of my usual bag of tricks.
You can even make up a short meditation to reinforce whatever it is you are trying to change. Through the use of imagery you can visualize yourself as already being the person you want to be. Do this every day and it will make a difference!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
That is simply awesome Back....good for you...
the more I practice random acts of kindness....the more grateful I am that I took the time to do them..
I did have something similar ...2 PeT test were done at the beginning and after my cyber Knife surgeries for lung cancer.
I hope your heart issues work out as well as my cancer ones did
the more I practice random acts of kindness....the more grateful I am that I took the time to do them..
I did have something similar ...2 PeT test were done at the beginning and after my cyber Knife surgeries for lung cancer.
I hope your heart issues work out as well as my cancer ones did
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne 
For example, one of my biggest faults was always a lack of empathy toward others. Traffic and people ahead of me in a check-out line were just obstacles in my way.
But seriously, years of alcohol abuse, and the baggage that came with it have made into a somewhat bitter, impatient, get the heck out of my way person and I am trying very hard to reverse that as part of my recovery.
Good luck with your condition. I will try more of that random acts of kindness. Sometimes just smiling at strangers goes a long way. Even in bad traffic. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Back....your story made me smile...thank you
I've always been of the mindset that everyone in line is just as important as me and I even try not up think negatively about the people who cut lines and speed up the emergency vehicle line...it is after all possible they have a life or death event happening like the time my dad had to rush my sister to the hospital...suffice it to say he had a Charger and it was the fastest he ever drove...the cops couldn't actually catch him (my sister survived).
I'm pretty poor but looking someone in the eye, smiling and taking a minute to really see them is worth gold
I've always been of the mindset that everyone in line is just as important as me and I even try not up think negatively about the people who cut lines and speed up the emergency vehicle line...it is after all possible they have a life or death event happening like the time my dad had to rush my sister to the hospital...suffice it to say he had a Charger and it was the fastest he ever drove...the cops couldn't actually catch him (my sister survived).
I'm pretty poor but looking someone in the eye, smiling and taking a minute to really see them is worth gold
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