eire

Q: if someone in your family needs money would you give it even though it would leave you short and insecure financially?

My sister split up recently and can't make ends meet. I've a lot of bills myself but have some money to spare. However, I'm afraid of being without money.

I've already contributed. My heart says keep giving but I'm afraid of being without myself (I'm not working). Her partner isn't contributing as much as he should.

The answer is already in my heart: if you have and someone needs then give...

Thanks for listening

nandm

Good question. Honestly I wish I had an answer for it. I am not sure what I would do in that situation. I hope someone else comes along that can give you more insight

KissMyTiara

So many unknowns here. It depends on how much you can afford to give in a short term if they can re-pay. If you can't expect re-payment soon or ever then you give what you can and say I'm sorry this is the best I can do. Make sure they know your circumstances. As in pretty much anything....you have to make sure you are in a good place before you can help someone else.

suki44883

There are too many unanswered questions to give a knowledgeable answer. Does your sister work? Why is she unable to make ends meet? Are there children involved? What is your relationship with her? Does she have a habit of spending money frivolously? Does she pay back what she borrows? Are you the only person she has to ask for help? Are other family members involved?

BackToSquareOne

I always consider it a gift when loaning money to relatives. It puts you in a very awkward position if you expect to get paid back, I hate getting turned into a collection agency.

eire

no she's fine. doing everything OK, no drinking etc. she's gonna need few thousand euros. I can do that but it will leave me with no room to maneuverer.

I know a lot of people wouldn't hesitate to help but there you go. Its not simple especially since her ex isn't pulling his weight.

eire

for me it's not a loan. I don't expect to be paid back

suki44883

Is there any other family who can help? Could you maybe put in half and someone else put in half? I'm all for helping when we can, but if it's going to put you in a tight spot, I'd think about it and see if there's someone else who might be able to help besides just you.

Also, is this going to be a recurring problem? Is this time going to fix the problem for good?

eire

thanks suk. no i think it'll be recurring problem. my father gave eur150 today for Nicola's car tax - he saved that up for 3 months to buy clothes for himself.

I felt guilty about not doing more especially since there's a kid involved.

Nicola's working on social support alternatives etc at moment.

The thing is I could do more but I'm too attached to what I have that's the truth!

suki44883

Well, if you aren't working, then you need to be sure you have enough to sustain you. What if something happened and you needed some of that money? Like I said, I'm all for helping when we can, but again, if it's going to put you in a tight spot, then give what you are comfortable with and let her figure out how to get what she needs.

I don't know how things work in Ireland, but shouldn't the child's father be required to help out in these circumstances?

SASA

I always believe in giving and not expecting it to be returned, but than I always get screwed over by peopel....

CarolD

I'm no longer able to work....so my funs are limited. I budget monthly...put a bit away.

Here is what I do....I keep x ammount as a reserve....then I share cheerfully with others in need not expecting to be re paid
tho it's nice when some have done so.....

All my best to you and your family...

Froglet

Hmm. This is a tough one because everyone has a diff't perspective and relationship level w/ their kin & immediate family.

I would give my suggestion based on my relationship w/ my own sister. Although we don't have both individual families yet, if there was ever a time where she ran into such an event where her significant other left her, I would open my doors to her w/o a doubt. Seeking help from family is a sign that they are in pretty dire situation.

I would sit down and discuss things out, from talking about her own situation to yours as well. By doing so, you both can understand each other and come up w/ the best solution. If it does mean giving some money to your sister for a temporary fix to be the best, then try that out. But at some point if there is ever a hint of red flag, then you need to speak out about it.

IIRC, Ireland is in a tough situation economically, and if worst comes to worst, maybe she can live with you folks for a while?

Bottom line, it goes back to your relationship level w/ your siblings. Some cultures/family see it difft'ly, especially in the Western ones. To me, Blood is thicker than water. W/ relatives, that's a diff't story too.

Good Luck.