pinkgurl87

Well here we go again. I ended up drinking, still a little drunk right now. I went downtown to try to find drugs but noone was around so I ended up buying alcohol. Didn't drink that much but enough is enough. It was horrible made me worry my parents. I'm stupid but oh well. I forgot how gross alcohol tastes.

CarolD

Ok...so do you have a plan in mind to start fresh?

I know if I go looking to drink or drug....I can find them.
Instead..I prefer staying with my AA recovery lifestyle.

My recovery required change and positive actions...

susanlauren

Pinkgurl87,
Do you want to stop drinking and drugging? Are you done yet?
Susan

newby1961

Good question cause I am not real sure why you posted?

pinkgurl87

so your saying I shouldn't have posted I'm sorry i guess i won't post when i'm struggling.

artsoul

I think that pretty much describes it - we keep repeating the same behavior until...... until what? Maybe that's a question you should ask yourself. How far down are you willing to go?

And thoughts about what you're going to do next time you want to go downtown? It's easy to give in to the urges but it's going to cost you. I hope you know that you deserve a better life.

Kadybug

No, no - no one's saying you shouldn't have posted, pink. This is the perfect place for you to be when you're struggling! Sometimes the first step in solving a problem is to identify the problem - which you did when you admitted that you drank. So the problem is that you drank, you got drunk, and now you feel bad. What about this can you control? What about this can you ask your HP for help with?

It is as important for us to communicate when we're struggling as it is when we're not ... maybe it's even MORE important. Please keep coming back!

artsoul

It's not that, pink.......

I think maybe it was the way the post read, like "oh well....." (almost like you're resigned to it, not like you were struggling, ya know?). I just hurt for you because you've been through so much - some very dangerous situations, in fact. I'm sure everyone here is just wanting to support you and see you get sober. Hugs..........

newwings

Pink, if you read back over your postings over the last week, even I can see you were totally revving up to that relapse. You could see it brewing! I really think you might need more support with what you are dealing with. What are your plans?

wellwisher

Sorry you chose to pick up again, but based on yesterday's postings, I'm not surprised.

Look to your previous postings to see how the desire came about. Objectively, I could see that your thoughts were way, way out into the future, and you spoke of self-sabotage.

IMO, that is exactly what you did. You talked yourself right in to making a reservation to drink or drug.

Plus, you have succeeded in getting your parents worried. Mission accomplished (and I'm basing this on your posts).

Doing the same things in the same way and expecting different results....

My suggestion (and it is only that) is that when you're "left brain" starts going in that direction, you will need a plan to deal with it. Crappy feelings won't kill you; walking downtown and doing the things you know may harm or kill you will do just that.

It really comes down to making a decision and then taking action that will help you achieve the objective. This SR Forum has many links that will help you obtain the help you need, and you have many, many voices in here that can help straighten out those harmful thoughts, if you CHOOSE to listen.

It really depends on what voices you choose to listen to.

Stand up, brush yourself off, and start all over again. You CAN do this.

Zebra1275

So what are you going to do differently so that you don't go back out again?

Crow3000

Sorry to hear about the relapse pink. Your showing a lot of courage getting up and posting here about it. Your tough, don't ever forget that.

freeinhim

I'm sorry to hear that. But I do want to encourage you. You said, "I'm stupid but oh well."

You're not stupid. You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. What really matters now is what you do about it. Will you kick yourself and put yourself down? Will you tell yourself that you are a failure? Will you give up?

Or, will you accept responsibility that you made a mistake and learn from it? You can't change the past, but you can change how you feel about it. And, you can turn this into an opportuntiy to succeed. Because you failed before, does not mean that you will fail again.

So what did you learn? And how can you leverage what you learned so this doesn't happen again? What could you have done differently so you won't do this next time? If you answer these questions, you are well on your way to taking control rather than being defeated!

FIH

pinkgurl87

I went to Celebrate Recovery tonight which was good , was able to talk to some people about it. The one girl was like call me next time you feel like doing it. I have a massive headache now, but that's my own fault. I will try getting back on track. I still have a bit of alcohol left, if my parents didn't find it and throw it out, I haven't checked recently. I know I shouldn't have it and should get rid of it but there's part of me that still wants it. I really don't know. I have an appointment with my Therapist on Thurs and an appointment with CADS ( Community addiction services) on friday.

whatevername

never give up trying, all the best

newby1961

PG I didn't say you shouldn't have posted. That question was posed to me after I had several relapses and some of the others summed up what I meant. What are you going to do so you don't have to pick up again? It sounds like you already have a great jump on that. You went to a mtg, you are going to out patient see that is what I was looking for.
Sometimes when it comes to e mails less said isn't always read the right way it seems to easy to put in what you think others are saying.

Keep on posting and keep on having a plan thats all. Peace

pinkgurl87

ok sorry for jumping to conclcusions.

Froglet

I've gone through the same w/ alcohol, we all do.

YUCK, PUKE, never again.

Then it's

Just this last one, just this last time, i'll be clean next week.

This is a never ending cycle unless you pull the weeds out completely !

Kjell

Hi Pink-

I simply had to change who I was or the same me will drink/use again and again and again.

Maybe this is true with you too?

Kjell~

ZZworldontheweb

Yeah, do keep trying. The people who end up succeeding are usually the ones who don't quit.