alcohol you win
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
You have not wasted one day in your recovery journey, which, you are by the Grace of God, back on.
The anxious feeling you describe I remember all too well. I truly didn't feel like I would make it thru that after my last relapse.
Now, I know, I never have to feel that way again.
The anxious feeling you describe I remember all too well. I truly didn't feel like I would make it thru that after my last relapse.
Now, I know, I never have to feel that way again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Ok so I screwed up and drank saturday...ancient history. After work I went to tan and then a run by the lake (its 80 here today) I feel much better. I'm recommitted and stronger than before. I'm going to do 90 in 90-wish me luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 104
Hey Okla.. just back home from my seventh in ten. When I left the meeting tonite, I was really struggling with thoughts about stopping at the store for some beer. But then guess what happened? THE TITLE OF THIS POST popped in my head!! And I thought, "Yeah, alcohol. You win. You've beat the sh*t outa me 'til there's no more fight left in me. If you wanna keep fighting, you'll have to go find someone else cause I'm just a bloody pulp." And I quit fighting. And you know what?? It was a piece of cake after that to go to the store, get my bagels and peanut butter, not even the teensiest interest in walking down the beer aisle, and then coming home and logging on here (bagel spread with tons of pb in hand, of course). Just wanted to let you know that your post made a big difference in my life tonite. Thanks a million!
Enjoying Sobriety
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 143
Bless you for tellin' on yourself and gettin' back on track. We all are really just working on today. Just don't drink today. Tomorrow you can deal with tomorrow.
When I'm stressed and going through really tough times, I just ask myself: What can I learn from this? It never fails, I find a lesson which is a blessing!
I recently read that when we relapse we feel like we are such a failure and have to start all over again and that we "wasted" whatever time we had in sobriety. The reading said something like this: Imagine you are walking to the store, you stumble and fall, you have to get back up and get going again. All the steps before your stumble were not completely wasted. You didn't suddenly end up back at your own doorstep and now you have to begin the walk all over again.
I don't know if that helps you or even makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me. I told my sponsee (that unfortunately just relapsed) that story and I added that she isn't starting from scratch this time. She isn't walking into a room of strangers to pick up her white chip. She knows the tools, the steps, the fellowship, etc....However, lack of power is indeed my problem and until I could connect to a power that is greater than I, I could not stay sober!
God bless and hold your head up for getting right back in there. Some of us never make it back to sobriety and some of us ..... well, we die. That is the cold, hard truth.
And as my uncle used to tell me: "I'm gonna' pray for ya' and there ain't nothin' you can do about it!"
When I'm stressed and going through really tough times, I just ask myself: What can I learn from this? It never fails, I find a lesson which is a blessing!
I recently read that when we relapse we feel like we are such a failure and have to start all over again and that we "wasted" whatever time we had in sobriety. The reading said something like this: Imagine you are walking to the store, you stumble and fall, you have to get back up and get going again. All the steps before your stumble were not completely wasted. You didn't suddenly end up back at your own doorstep and now you have to begin the walk all over again.
I don't know if that helps you or even makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me. I told my sponsee (that unfortunately just relapsed) that story and I added that she isn't starting from scratch this time. She isn't walking into a room of strangers to pick up her white chip. She knows the tools, the steps, the fellowship, etc....However, lack of power is indeed my problem and until I could connect to a power that is greater than I, I could not stay sober!
God bless and hold your head up for getting right back in there. Some of us never make it back to sobriety and some of us ..... well, we die. That is the cold, hard truth.
And as my uncle used to tell me: "I'm gonna' pray for ya' and there ain't nothin' you can do about it!"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Originally Posted by nancyj 
Hey Okla.. just back home from my seventh in ten. When I left the meeting tonite, I was really struggling with thoughts about stopping at the store for some beer. But then guess what happened? THE TITLE OF THIS POST popped in my head!! And I thought, "Yeah, alcohol. You win. You've beat the sh*t outa me 'til there's no more fight left in me. If you wanna keep fighting, you'll have to go find someone else cause I'm just a bloody pulp." And I quit fighting. And you know what?? It was a piece of cake after that to go to the store, get my bagels and peanut butter, not even the teensiest interest in walking down the beer aisle, and then coming home and logging on here (bagel spread with tons of pb in hand, of course). Just wanted to let you know that your post made a big difference in my life tonite. Thanks a million!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Originally Posted by keithj
That's a great idea, but do you realize that in 90 days and a lot of commitment, you could take all 12 Steps and actually recover?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I went back to AA tonight. My sponsor was really afraid I wouldnt come back after last weekend. I kinda wonder if she told people that I got drunk. I had A LOT of people asking me how many days i have and if Im doing "ok" Im paranoid. The beginners meeting was about ...drum roll please....RELAPSE! Everyone in the room had had a "field trip" as they like to call it. it was nice to unload and be 100% honest that I screwed up. one of the old timers said the fact that i came back after a relapse shows im going to make it. im sure he was just being nice but it made me feel good. Anyhow its day 6 for me. I am getting that positivity and serenity back. I am not going to let alcohol ruin it for me again. thank you everyone for letting me rant!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
My experience is that most fellowships are obsessed with who "went out" and who is struggling. This is part of the "sober time" fixation of AA. It's a competition, and it is reprehensible.
There is no requirement to "go back and tell on yourself." That's between you and your sponsor.
There is no requirement to "go back and tell on yourself." That's between you and your sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
My first post here- day 52. In my second meeting of the day I joined some guys from my home group at a treatment center to be a part of the "panel." I never in my life thought id find myself thereand doing that. Anyway, one guy who's had many years sober said he quit talking about his years of sobriety, but what's most important is thaat he was sober yesterday, sober today. First time I'd heard that. I've learned that recovery time you can take with you, sober time is just a number, not a better life.
It was a hard day and hard week for me too. I realized I had stopped going to meetings as often as I did in the beginning. Thanks for sharing your story. This is how we help each other. I will make sure to make at least two a week and even more if I think I DON'T need them. Early sobriety is very fragile.
Thanks to the rest of you for posting on this, it has caused me much needed introspection and inventory.
It was a hard day and hard week for me too. I realized I had stopped going to meetings as often as I did in the beginning. Thanks for sharing your story. This is how we help each other. I will make sure to make at least two a week and even more if I think I DON'T need them. Early sobriety is very fragile.
Thanks to the rest of you for posting on this, it has caused me much needed introspection and inventory.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Please don't beat yourself up, you haven't really lost anything, you simply decide that today you aren't going to drink. For me it works best when I keep it simple: I'm not drinking today.
Do you have a sponsor? In this instance you decided to drink, it was your choice. Next time you can decide to call your sponsor or someone else and not drink ... just for that day.
Do you have a sponsor? In this instance you decided to drink, it was your choice. Next time you can decide to call your sponsor or someone else and not drink ... just for that day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
Please don't beat yourself up, you haven't really lost anything, you simply decide that today you aren't going to drink. For me it works best when I keep it simple: I'm not drinking today.
Do you have a sponsor? In this instance you decided to drink, it was your choice. Next time you can decide to call your sponsor or someone else and not drink ... just for that day.
Do you have a sponsor? In this instance you decided to drink, it was your choice. Next time you can decide to call your sponsor or someone else and not drink ... just for that day.
Thinking it is our choice is the problem.
Making a decision to not drink may be a way to stay sober, but it is not Alcoholics Anonymous. Not even close.
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