This is a new beginning
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 30
This is a new beginning
2 days to go until I give up the sauce for good! It can't come soon enough, I am so sick and tired of waking up at 5am with racing heartbeats, sweats a twitching eye lid and unable to go back to sleep. I deserve to be punished by my body it's like it's saying "Okay now that I've had a little rest let's see how you like being toyed with".
I quit last year for 3 months and it was the greatest, I had so much energy, I looked fantastic my anxiety was completely gone but then I made the mistake of thinking I could enjoy a night of celebrations.
Falling off the wagon is a terrible choice because not only do most get sucked right back into it like me but you think you can handle the copious amounts you use to before and are likely to land yourself a stay at the ER. Thankfully that never happened to me but it might have well ended that way, I was extremely sick the next day but a week later I was right back into my old ways.
I've found though that getting back into drinking with the expectation that i'll quit again has caused me to drink even more than I ever use to. I am absolutely disgusted with myself, not only that but I turned a good sober man my one crutch into an alcoholic too. We split nearly 3L of booze a night and we havent even hit our 30's yet. I feel like I will die tonight if I drink again, my body hates me right now but if I don't stick to my quit date I tend to feel like I need to make up for my night of recovery. I have to go through with it and see this to the end, I have a date with my folks Saturday, a date I have been putting off for weeks since I couldn't keep myself sober enough through the nights to not be all swollen and feel like a complete waste of space the next day.
I love myself too much to keep hurting myself, alcohol stole my childhood I refuse to let it steal my adulthood too. I hate you alcohol you take good successful people and destroy their lives!! I wish alcohol was better regulated and posted with signs of shriveled livers and brains, car accidents all the nasty stuff that they post for cigarettes, they need some for alcohol too!!
Sorry to rant but I needed to get this off my chest, I made 3 lists this morning and posted them above my head board one is 'reasons to quit drinking' the other is 'promises to myself' and the last one is 'drinking is not sexy but this is' and then I listed all the thing's that make people look and feel fabulous like when dog walking, going that extra mile. Which I don't do lately because I'm too busy selfishly drinking. Buying 1 new sweet smelling beauty product for every successful week, not having a gut or a swollen face with bags under my eyes, eating a healthy balanced meal instead of cramming 2000 calories in my body over the span of 2 hours. Just feeling great in general is sexy, you glow people see it and they wonder "what is that person on?" but the truth is they are on the ball!
Anyways here's to T-minus 2 days!!! I am soo excited for my new beginning, I am starting my dream job too which is around the clock so it's a great way to keep me from the bottle because I'll never know when something may come up! I plan on using sober recovery to help me through this rough patch, I also bought the big book but it won't arrive in time but it'll still be a good read as I am fully aware that I have a serious/deadly drinking problem.
I quit last year for 3 months and it was the greatest, I had so much energy, I looked fantastic my anxiety was completely gone but then I made the mistake of thinking I could enjoy a night of celebrations.
Falling off the wagon is a terrible choice because not only do most get sucked right back into it like me but you think you can handle the copious amounts you use to before and are likely to land yourself a stay at the ER. Thankfully that never happened to me but it might have well ended that way, I was extremely sick the next day but a week later I was right back into my old ways.
I've found though that getting back into drinking with the expectation that i'll quit again has caused me to drink even more than I ever use to. I am absolutely disgusted with myself, not only that but I turned a good sober man my one crutch into an alcoholic too. We split nearly 3L of booze a night and we havent even hit our 30's yet. I feel like I will die tonight if I drink again, my body hates me right now but if I don't stick to my quit date I tend to feel like I need to make up for my night of recovery. I have to go through with it and see this to the end, I have a date with my folks Saturday, a date I have been putting off for weeks since I couldn't keep myself sober enough through the nights to not be all swollen and feel like a complete waste of space the next day.
I love myself too much to keep hurting myself, alcohol stole my childhood I refuse to let it steal my adulthood too. I hate you alcohol you take good successful people and destroy their lives!! I wish alcohol was better regulated and posted with signs of shriveled livers and brains, car accidents all the nasty stuff that they post for cigarettes, they need some for alcohol too!!
Sorry to rant but I needed to get this off my chest, I made 3 lists this morning and posted them above my head board one is 'reasons to quit drinking' the other is 'promises to myself' and the last one is 'drinking is not sexy but this is' and then I listed all the thing's that make people look and feel fabulous like when dog walking, going that extra mile. Which I don't do lately because I'm too busy selfishly drinking. Buying 1 new sweet smelling beauty product for every successful week, not having a gut or a swollen face with bags under my eyes, eating a healthy balanced meal instead of cramming 2000 calories in my body over the span of 2 hours. Just feeling great in general is sexy, you glow people see it and they wonder "what is that person on?" but the truth is they are on the ball!
Anyways here's to T-minus 2 days!!! I am soo excited for my new beginning, I am starting my dream job too which is around the clock so it's a great way to keep me from the bottle because I'll never know when something may come up! I plan on using sober recovery to help me through this rough patch, I also bought the big book but it won't arrive in time but it'll still be a good read as I am fully aware that I have a serious/deadly drinking problem.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Just curious, why are you waiting for 2 more days?
glad you are coming back to sobriety, and happy you had the chance. If you are serious, work the program, get to meetings, read the book and get a sponsor.
glad you are coming back to sobriety, and happy you had the chance. If you are serious, work the program, get to meetings, read the book and get a sponsor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 30
I've quite 2 other addictions in my life and they both revolved around quit dates. If I don't pick a quit date I don't seem to find closure and then I'm right back into it. That's just my system and it works for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 30
I would like to get to as many meetings as possible, AA helped my cousin out a great deal she's been sober for a very long time now. This time it is much harder for me so I'm going to need all the support I can get.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Martinsville, Ohio
Posts: 79
That's a pretty natural response but watch out, 2 days becomes 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, 20 years. It's real easy.
I have broken every date but I pray you can.
You hang in there but look for professional help. Finding the right one is so difficult, you just pick one and go with it.
Have a Plan B ready. I think you are going to need it. I always did.
So many users fail so many times. I really admire those who can see the problem and quit early. I never did.
I am getting ready to go the Annointing of the Sick Mass. I need it. I have confessed my drinking so much I am not even ashamed of it enough to make me stop and that in itself could be a problem. No, it is a great big problem.
I don't know enough to help you but thank you for your post and I will pray for you and I all the good people on this board.
That is one necessary step for me and I hope you find all of your steps, too.
I have broken every date but I pray you can.
You hang in there but look for professional help. Finding the right one is so difficult, you just pick one and go with it.
Have a Plan B ready. I think you are going to need it. I always did.
So many users fail so many times. I really admire those who can see the problem and quit early. I never did.
I am getting ready to go the Annointing of the Sick Mass. I need it. I have confessed my drinking so much I am not even ashamed of it enough to make me stop and that in itself could be a problem. No, it is a great big problem.
I don't know enough to help you but thank you for your post and I will pray for you and I all the good people on this board.
That is one necessary step for me and I hope you find all of your steps, too.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 456
Originally Posted by lookingtolive 
I've quite 2 other addictions in my life and they both revolved around quit dates. If I don't pick a quit date I don't seem to find closure and then I'm right back into it. That's just my system and it works for me.
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