lost again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 24
lost again
I quit drinking in Sept. Last year. I started back around thanksgiving. I have no idea why..... I had no physical withdrawals, it seems to me my addiction is in my head. Currently I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for my boss to pick me up for a equipment install... and once again I am drunk and he has no clue, thank god. I am spinning out of control and I should know why, but I have no idea why I do this to myself once again. I truly feel like I can't do this any more. But the.more I fight it the worse it gets:
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
being accountable for things would be a good start , you say your boss has no idea your wasted from drinkin .. Im sure he can smell it .. hows about admitting to him you need help? that would be a start and then perhaps getting some support .
Im sure your gonna say , I cant tell him I will loose my job , well if thats the case so be it . It would be better that way then to do some form of damage while under the influnce , you drove there drunk , your gonna do a job drunk .. wouldnt be a good deal if you hurt someone . we always thing ooh Im fine I can do this or that .. til its too late . why wait for that to happen
Im sure your gonna say , I cant tell him I will loose my job , well if thats the case so be it . It would be better that way then to do some form of damage while under the influnce , you drove there drunk , your gonna do a job drunk .. wouldnt be a good deal if you hurt someone . we always thing ooh Im fine I can do this or that .. til its too late . why wait for that to happen
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes....the smell of alcohol sure is a tip off
when you are pretending to be sober.
For me to finally quit....
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink.
I hope that will happen to you quickly ..because your
way is not in your best interest.
welcome back...
when you are pretending to be sober.
For me to finally quit....
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink.
I hope that will happen to you quickly ..because your
way is not in your best interest.
welcome back...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 24
Yes I know it is not in my best interest. I truly believe my drinking is not a physical one. Why am I not able to fight his mentally? My mind is normally very logical when sober. But this seems to have such a hold of me. I thought I was strong willed. But apparently I am not strong enough.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Ok think about this please....
after the job is done...leave your car parked
and find another way home
You can pick up the car again after you sober up.
That is really really the wisest most logical thing to do.
You gotta think safe ...for yourself and others.
that's what I call being strong.
after the job is done...leave your car parked
and find another way home
You can pick up the car again after you sober up.
That is really really the wisest most logical thing to do.
You gotta think safe ...for yourself and others.
that's what I call being strong.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I had no idea why I kept drinking either...... except that I'm an alcoholic. That seemed to be the only explanation for it. I felt like a strong person too, and pretty self-determined. I had to be - I'm a single mom and am self-employed, so I've always had to make things work. It was just no help to me when it came to alcohol, though.
Everyone who's posted is just concerned about you and doesn't want to see you get hurt. Believe me, we know what it's like - no judgement here......
Take care of yourself today. Tomorrow is a chance to start again on a new path.......
Everyone who's posted is just concerned about you and doesn't want to see you get hurt. Believe me, we know what it's like - no judgement here......
Take care of yourself today. Tomorrow is a chance to start again on a new path.......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by tservice 
Why am I not able to fight his mentally? My mind is normally very logical when sober. But this seems to have such a hold of me. I thought I was strong willed. But apparently I am not strong enough.
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st Ed.
He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have....The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have....The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi T-
I drove all the time when I was drinking, though it was a night, but it doesn't matter. I ended up with two DUI's and the penalties are stiff (and rightly so).
From your post, it sounds like you might be powerless over alcohol?
Maybe go check out an AA meeting where you can be shown, by people who have recovered, how to recover from alcoholism?
It's time to get rid of old ideas.
Kjell~
I drove all the time when I was drinking, though it was a night, but it doesn't matter. I ended up with two DUI's and the penalties are stiff (and rightly so).
From your post, it sounds like you might be powerless over alcohol?
Maybe go check out an AA meeting where you can be shown, by people who have recovered, how to recover from alcoholism?
It's time to get rid of old ideas.
Kjell~
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Originally Posted by tservice
I truly believe it is not ok to drive drunk. In no way shape or form do I think its ok. Sorry but right now I am in no way open minded to be chastised..... right now.
Ok then, let the police chastize you for driving under the influence... It will happen, sooner or later...
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,962
I found addiction to be a brain illness. To stop drinking meant I needed to be aware of how my mind was being influenced by how addiction works in my brain. Not knowing why I drank kept me drinking and baffled. Not much gets done as for stopping my drinking when I'm in a constant state of confusion. Having a recovery plan, sticking to it "no matter what" lifted that confusion.
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