sunrise1

So... am I the only female who, in an attempt to have my husband read "To Wives" with me with the least amount of confusion ever go through the whole chapter with white out, stickers, and labels to switch genders all the way through? I just thought it would help so much if he were reading it out loud (and that's my hope- that he'll read out loud with me and I will more or less "sponsor" him through this chapter; he's game).

So- anyone? Beuller? Beuller?

LOL. I'm a geek.

Veritas1

You are not the only one

My book has a little s in front of he to make it she...along with wife etc.

The chapter is marked throughout.

My favorite thoughts in the chapter are:

"God has either removed your husband’s (wife's) liquor problem or He has not. If not, it had better be found out right away. Then you and your husband (wife) can get right down to fundamentals. If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God’s hands."

kiki5711

I might do that with my daughter.

Stevie1

I haven't but it makes sense to me.

I have to work a little bit not to be irritated by the assumption that all drunks are men in the book.

LexieCat

The book is, to some extent, a product of its times in terms of the writing and the choice of words. I never had problems translating in my head, but if it helps you to do the "rewrite", go ahead. The truths in there are pretty universal if you ignore the gender role stuff.

ZZworldontheweb

This sounds like a totally logical exercise to me...;-)

Sugah

Ha! I love it! No, I haven't done that, and I haven't had any problems getting my husband to read it because he's an alcoholic like me.

"To Wives" was one of the chapters that rubbed me the wrong way when I first read it. When I have the occasion to read from it, or any other section that has gendered nouns/pronouns (assuming the "alcoholic" or HP to be male or the loved one to be female), I often look up from the passage and add "or s/She", "or he." It usually gets a chuckle and makes a point. But I've never seriously considered that the text needed to be physically changed because the gendered nature of the book makes its own important point: in the day it was written, it was fair to assume sobering-up alcoholics were male. Why? Because alcoholism in women was so shameful, very few of us could come forward and seek recovery. We died instead.

So...those pronouns serve to remind me how blessed we are today that we have an opportunity that our foremothers likely did not.

Pontification over

Peace & Love,
Sugah

sunrise1

Wow, great answers!

I know that when the book was written it was as you've all mentioned. I guess the little teeny feminist part of me wanted my book to read as my situation was, plus, honestly, I didn't think my hubby would be interested at all. If he got confused remembering who was what on the second page, well, now that won't happen.

ReadyAndAble

As a man, I am too, lol!

JohnBarleycorn

Bear in mind that although it is written to sound like an actual (female) wife wrote the "To Wives" chapter, it was actually Bill W who wrote it. So, naturally, it reflects his situation and point of view.

From the official AA FAQ:

Bill was the author of the ‘To Wives’ chapter. It is commonly thought that Lois wrote it. But, as Pass It On describes (page 200), Lois said, "Bill wrote it, and I was mad." She added, "I wasn't so much mad as hurt. I still don't know why Bill wrote it. I've never really gotten into it - why he insisted upon writing it. I said to him, 'Well, do you want me to write it?' And he said no, he thought it should be in the same style as the rest of the book."

- JBC

LexieCat

Um, yeah, Bill had a few issues with humility. It's something he struggled with all his life.

None of us is perfect. "We are not saints."

barb dwyer

thanks for the smile!

this thread title caught me
and I just had to see what was going on in here.

whiteout - LOL!

that's rich.

I think your humor will see you through a lot.

The thing that jumped out at me
was that you have a partner
who is willing to sit down and read that chapter
then go over it with you!

What a blessing that must be for you!

Again - thanks for the smile.

LaFemme

If I were in AA andmarried I would totally do this