MattM316

I haven't touched a drop of alcohol in 20 days now, which may not sound alot to people who have been sober for ages, but for me it's the longest i've gone since I was about 18 years old.
My alcohol councillor has helped a bit, the first time I saw her I thought it was a complete waste of time but the past couple of times have been much better.

Anyway the big test is on Monday, pay day.
Several weeks ago I had a 'slip-up' and drank alot, which ended up scaring me because I started having the racing heart and muscle spasms at night, which is what I had last year and that ended up leading to three alcohol withdrawal seizures in one day.
Thankfully the 48 hours passed and I was ok, and haven't drank a drop since then.
But after that I went into town and spent all of my remaining money on cds and blu-rays, simply so I had no money for the second half of the month to spend on alcohol.

So the biggest test, probably of my entire life, is coming up now.
Normally in the past when I get paid i'll go into town a few times, buy some cds/films and also buy alcohol, generally vodka or Jagermeister, aswell as something to drink on the bus on the way home.
So i'm going into town after work on Monday and this time alcohol has to be avoided. I want to go into town and buy some stuff and there is no point putting it off any longer, have to face it head on.

Also i've got several nights out in March, three nights to see bands (My Ruin, Electric Wizard, TV Smith) and two nights out with friends. This will be the first ever time i'd have gone out being (or aiming to be) 100% sober.
Now I know I CAN do it, but i'm worried about the mindset of "oh i'll have a few pints and that'll be allright".
My friends have already said they bet I won't go out and not drink, so that's extra reason for me to stick to it!

Supercrew

No offense Matt, but it sounds as if you might be creating hurdles when you don't need to. 20 days is awesome, but spending all of your money so you won't buy alcohol doesn't seem like the best solution. And going out with people who really don't understand what you are going through and the fact that they are predicting your demise doesn't sound like a great situation to put yourself in.

Good luck!

Dee74

I don't agree you have to face anything head on Matt - I left a few friends behind and stayed away from 'town' for several months because being sober was that important to me - it turned out to be a wise investment.

Find yourself a sober support network man - whether it's AA or SMART or something else...or counselling....using SR regularly...anything.

Spending all your money so you can't drink is not the way I'd want to live Matt - get support, make some changes - do this right.

D

MattM316

I see what you mean but to be honest I think it works in my favour that people might not think I can do it, because that only makes me more determined to prove them wrong.
I could have not said anything about not drinking, but if I did that I think there would be much more chance that I would end up drinking.

The spending money thing was a one off, it was still when I had a strong urge and just after I decided to be completely sober. And in terms of spending money I've always been the same anyway, even when alcohol wasn't a factor.

Supercrew

Well good luck. I don't recommend it regarding putting yourself in a position where you are tested, but I am not afraid to be out with people drinking either. Sometimes having a challenge can work to your advantage.

I always felt that if I tell people in advance then I have to live up to the expectation that I am setting. The reality of it, at least for me, is if I'm gonna drink it's gonna happen, and just because I am with other drinkers it doesn't really test me. The bigger test is what I do when I am left alone, and there is no one to answer to.

I don't have those feelings alone anymore, and it might be because I put myself in situations early on. But having people betting against you just seems to set off an alarm. When I was younger before I quit for good there was a running joke among my friends, basically which Supercrew was going to show up. The guy who was already a case of beer in, or the guy who swore off alcohol for the week.

Hopefully you don't become that joke with your friends.

aussieblue

I hope you can do it Matt, I found out I am going to have to stay well away from anywhere with alcahol for a lot longer yet it was way to tempting.

MattM316

Yeah that is what i'm concerned about but until I try it i'll never know how difficult it'll be.
Thankfully one of the girls i'll be out with is pregnant so she won't be drinking at least. And she's probably at her most annoying when she's drunk!

My alcohol councillor did help. The first time I thought it was a waste of time but after 4 meetings she was really good. Altho she keeps pushing for me to go to group meetings.
For a start i'm an athiest so any religious aspect to recovery is a definite no-no, I couldn't sit in a room and listen to that.
Secondly, I can express myself much better in writing or one-on-one than I can in groups, I've always hated talking in groups so at the moment i'm against it, altho I haven't totally discounted going to one group meeting.

The councillor also told me that coming off alcohol addiction was much harder than coming off any kind of drug, I was surprised at that.

Kmber2010

Wish you well Matt.

With a good support program and a commitment to recovery you can live a better life and you will find that you don't need to test yourself but then again you really have to want to change.

Beating the same ole path.....yeah......usually yields the same results.

CarolD

Please ask your counselor about SMART recovery
you can find their home site on this link...along with others


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

And some of our members are happily sccessfully sober who are not sueing a structured program.

Hope you stay on the sober path...

AA4life

Given that you are having seizures when you drink, I highly recommend not going out with your friends. Something tells me they aren't looking out for your best interest if they know you had seizures due to alcohol withdrawal. As you become stronger in your recovery you might be able to get away with doing stuff like this and not drinking. But you are so early in sobriety that I feel like you are heading for disaster.

You might even need to start looking for new friends. Sad to say but if they already feel like you are going to fail, then are these people you really want to be around?

I hope the best for you. One day at a time.

MattM316

They don't know the extent of the problem I had, only a handful of people are aware of just how bad and serious it was.
I totally see what you are saying tho, but I can also be extremely stubborn and like to prove people wrong, so the fact that they are saying i'll never go out and not drink is actually a big help and not a hinderance, if that makes sense!

At first I thought I could have a few drinks here and there, but I tried that and it led to more. Fortunately I didn't have a re-occurence of seizures but I was worried for a couple of days.
I think that's the main thing that people won't understand, the fact that I can't even just have a few drinks anymore.
The simple fact of "if you get drunk again, you might die" is pretty much stuck in my head, so if that isn't a detterent I don't know what is!

Kjell

Matt-

I say this with kindness, but this is one of those threads where one asks for advice, but then disagrees with the majority of advice given.

You had seizures and withdrawel symptoms b/c of your drinking.
You're making a scenerio where you going to be tempted and you even say this is going to be a big test and you're worried you might fail.

One can justify their drinking AND thinking. It's all part of the same disease.

How would you advise someone on these facts?

to they own self be true (and best of luck)

Kjell

ChikkaB

Your counselor is absolutely right. Booze is a b!tch.

Get yourself to a group meeting (my choice is AA). These meetings are not about religion, they are about recovery. Many people need religion to stay sober but it is not a requirement. Try to see the underlying principle under any religious elements, and ignore any you feel are not directly related to sobriety and recovery.

You don't need to talk in group. In fact, in my opinion it is better NOT to talk when first starting out. Just go to meetings, sit your arse in a chair, close your mouth, open your ears and mind, and you will hear exactly what you need to hear. Don't share until you feel personally motivated to share. If that's never, that's fine.

Dude, you have described a very real, very serious and very pervasive problem with alcohol. It will not get better on its own, it will only get worse.

You have a chance right now to get your life back, don't let your ego get in the way and let booze kill you in the end. Don't turn your nose up at sobriety tools that have a long proven track record of success just because you find the ideas in them uncomfortable. Sobriety and recovery are totally out of your comfort zone right now, that's the point.

This is not going to be easy, but you can do it and you are worth it.

MattM316

I'm not disagreeing with anything anyone says, but I think just because one person found something hard, it doesn't mean the next person will and there is no set way to do things.

The biggest problem my seizures caused me was my shoulder. I got a huge fracture/break in it and have a metal plate in it now due to that first seizure. I can't lift my left hand above my head and never will be able to, all because of that.

Also I think i'm tempted every time I walk past a shop, but i'm not about to start not walking past shops. I think without confronting temptation you aren't going to get anywhere.
Maybe I will fail, if I do then i'll start again, but I sure as hell aren't going to just sit and wallow indoors for the next year.