milwaukeeguy85

I have tried to attending AA etc... but usually I just get sick of having to make the drive over there and deal with hearing about drinking all the time.

I admit I have been a much happier person since I quit drinking, but it just seems that focusing on recovery, reading books, talking etc.. is just starting to **** me off beyond belief. I am literally getting beyond fed up with the cliches, the same redundant support, and the entire "the book will solver all your problems" talk.

. I don't even have the desire to drink, nor the will to drink. It is just like i have become emotionally numb. To put it in perspective: I am a die hard green bay packer fan and when they won the super bowl I honestly didn't even get happy.

I realize there is such thing as a "dry drunk" but my understanding is that being a dry drunk refers mainly to cope with the loss of drinking, and never truly getting over the change you have decided to make. I am ok with the change... but I guess I just feel hollow or something.

During my recovery I have come to the realization that many of my mental issues may be a result of growing up in a home where drugs came first, and food, utilities, etc for us kids was a luxury item.

I am so numb, yet so emotional. One day i care, the next I dont. I guess I just want to know if anyone has experienced this thought process as a result of eliminating alcohol, or if this is something that may be deeper that I should consider getting professional help for.

I am happy I quit drinking, but at the same time I just almost want to go back so I can put a finger on what is causing me so much internal turmoil. Its like I know drinking makes me miserable, but at least I will know why I am such a nut job.

Reset

Yeah I can relate to what you're saying. I know quitting was the right thing to do and don't intend to go back to it, but at the same time that total happiness I was hoping would come as a result of quitting is still elusive.

What I suspect happened to me is that drinking suppressed a lot of mental stuff (numbness, mood swings, etc) that is now coming to the surface. So that's a good thing because I need to deal with that eventually but in the short run it's been harder than I originally thought it would be.

I am seeing someone about it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes I wonder if it makes it worse. But I'm going to keep trying (and at least I know that drinking isn't the solution).

ste

It sounds like you are truly depressed, and should seek help for a remedy. I understand finding the right remedy, or cure could be a long process.
Excuse the platitude but, the sooner you get started... you know.

CarolD

Yes...professional help might be useful to explore your
childhood issues..I sure hope so.

When I began working my AA Step work I felt a shift
from shakey sobriety into solid recovery...
I don't know if you have started that or not.

Have you looked into other recovery methods?
SMART has an interesting approach iMO

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

keithj

Maybe. But it also sounds exactly like untreated alcoholism. It sounds a lot like me when I wasn't drinking, but had no solution for the problem.

Kjell

Did you know - that the only the first step in AA mentions alcohol and the other 11 do not?

I needed a design for living without alcohol.

Once I quit drinking, I was left with me. Sure, my life got better b/c I wasn't having any of the "in your face" tangible drinking problems anymore, but I was left with me.

I was the problem the whole time. ...and so if I was the problem, then I'm gonna need help outside of my own brain and thoughts. I simply couldn't out think my alcoholism. Action was required.

Even if you don't choose AA, I suggest you do something to treat your alcoholism.

Kjell

milwaukeeguy85

Thanks for the responses folks.

I have been thinking long and hard about it and I am pretty sure I turned to drinking and drugs for the entire "escape reality" motive. I do remember how they just at first seemed to make all the pain go away, then eventually lead to more pain than I had in the first place.

I do think I am going to see somebody that can help me with my personal problems, but at the same time is an addiction specialist.

It kind of sucks cause when I was in college I had a psychiatrist that was a recovered drug addict of 30 years, and I really enjoyed going to him, it seems as if we were making real progress but then I graduated (I couldnt see him anymore) and things got even worse.

I have had problems with: drinking, coke, ex, and any type of upper I could get my hands on. I never had a problem ditching the other guys... but drinking (usually the catalyst of it all) is something that has been the most effective in masking my problems.

I will also look in to the smart program. While i realize AA focuses on other things, the reality is that the main focus of all the meetings I have been to all relates to staying sober.

Thanks again.

ste

Its good to hear you're getting the ball rolling. I know its hard with all the avenues available, to find your path. Everyones maze is different. Think the best advice I can give is be proactive, and beat the bushes, until you find it.

Can you make it fun, like an Easter egg hunt? LOL
Wish I could, to me its more like work, but gratifying.

milwaukeeguy85

For the price psychologists cost I would hope that the easter egg hunt doesn't last very long

ste

I totally agree, you made me really LOL! Maybe try some books to keep the ball rolling, they've helped me. Good one MG, I'm still chuckling.

jkf94

I feel the same way as you, I was raised up the same way, with only my father and I was exposed to drugs daily. My father was never sober. The only reason he kept me was so he could claim more money for welfare and have more money for heroin. I am still a child, but my life has gotten progressively better. I have had a battle with alcohol this past summer, and since quitting I have felt completely empty. I don't know how much my advice could help since I cant follow it myself, but I suggest you continue going to AA meetings. Eventually you will find a group of people that will you will be able to find enjoyment with. There are plenty of ways to have fun other that getting intoxicated. Once you find that group of people your life should be more exciting and fun. I say continue going to AA meetings because it will be the best place to find your group of people, what better place to look than a place filled with people that can relate to you?