Ozark

....since I've visited here. Even longer since I've posted anything.

I'm an alcoholic, functional, but an alkie nonetheless. I almost never have a hangover, blackout etc., but I drink every evening until I doze off in a chair.
What has changed over the years (I'm 62) is that after one drink, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm an avid reader, fisherman, tie trout flies, and build model wooden sailing ships. However, after one drink, I don't do anything but watch a movie or browse the internet a bit. It's like the one drink puts me in some kind of fog that reduces my ability to do anything. So.....I sit there and drink until dozing off. It's funny, but I can feel that fog begin with the first taste of my drink. Drinking used to perk me up, at least for awhile, but it now just sedates me.
But yet, I do it, and every night.

Sure, I want to quit, but have only made short lived attempts. I never go thru withdrawal, or have anything I'd call a craving. It's just something I've always looked forward to at night, and I feel like I'm depriving myself. Entering my elder years, I often feel life has nothing to offer if you cannot enjoy yourself. Yet, am I really enjoying myself? But to think of travelling to vacation spots or to visit distant relatives and never again be able to chat over a glass or two of wine just seems like too much for me. I'm almost resigned to just continuing on, and know that I'll likely pass beyond before I would otherwise.

I went to an AA meeting once, and couldn't wait to leave. The people there were not people I wanted to be with, and their session was far from uplifting or encouraging. A friend of mine loaned me his AA book and I've read many passages, with the result....."yeah, I get the message, but reading it doesn't change or encourage me".

Have any of you been close to my situation, and, having conquered the issue, do you feel good? I'm not talking physically, as I'm sure that will be the case at least to some extent, but also mentally. Do you look forward to life without that glass of wine or mixed drink?

I'm just kinda tired of things.

Thanks for listening.

BobGT

Hey Ozark,

Like you, I found that once I started drinking, I didn't do anything else that day. I just slowly faded away until I woke up the next day in bed. And I considered always making it to bed an accomplishment. That's setting the bar very low, lol.

But now I get to live a full life every day, and that is a much better way to live. I can't say there are no problems, but solving problems and meeting challenges give me a good feeling.

And I do look forward every day to life without that glass of wine.

I'm glad you are back. Stick around.

Ghostly

I look forward to life without alcohol. You can too ozark. Good luck.

NYCDoglvr

I define myself as an alcoholic because I can't have one or two drinks. When I pick up a drink it frequently leads to blackouts and has disastrous consequences.

I've been told that it's not quantity but what happens after taking a drink.

ZZworldontheweb

You might want to try different AA meetings. Not all of them are depressing, they really do have different characters. I go to one that is really a group of sharp, educated people. They just go for a bit of weekly fine tuning.

AmericanGirl

Hi ozark-- I too found it hard to imagine enjoying things like this sober, but it turned out it's completely possible. (to travel, to enjoy conversations sober...)
Welcome! Glad you're here.

sunrise1

I agree with the other posters... try other meetings before you give up on AA. "We are not a glum lot" - - For a while I did miss alcohol and what the first few drinks would do for me. But now, I can't imagine my life WITH it.

I had been stagnating for years while I was drinking, and so was my marriage and career. Things are different today. We are closing on a home of our own in 17 days after moving 1000 miles from where we were. We have opportunites and angels surrounding us and we have a real sense of moving forward. I would never have had the balls to do any of this if I were still drinking.

Welcome back, Ozark. I remember you from past postings. I hope you stay.

InstantN00dles

Try a few meetings until you can get one you are comfortable with. My first AA meeting, I had someone accuse me of just wanting to "go see the freaks at AA"

Needless to say, I went somewhere else.

Ozark

Thanks for the thoughts. Y'know.... I went back and reread my previous posts. I sound like a broken record....in need of a way to lift the tonearm.

CarolD

I remember you and your history very well...Welcome back

I just had my 75th birthday recently...soon I will celebrate 22
years of sucessful AA recovery.

Yes..my pocketbook has dwindled ...physical declines have happened
some favorite hobbys and past time needed adjusting but

each day brings joy and purpose for me...

hope you find a way to spark your life

I smiled at your remark about records...I now modern technology
Audio books ...MP 3's... ....and a speaking program to communitcate here.
Finding guys to Jitterbug with is a vit of a problem tho.

Dee74

Welcome back Ozark

Drinking was part of every facet of my being and my existence for years...

I thought being a drunk was who I was...turns out I'd forgotten a whole history and a whole person I was before I took that first drink.

There's hundreds of people here who'll tell you - and show you - there's life on the other side...and it's a good life

Quitting drinking was the best thing I ever did.
D

Stobert

I'm also 62 years old, and yes, I wake up every morning looking forward to the day ahead without a drink. It didn't happen overnight, there was much more to my journey than just quitting drinking. I hope you find your way, it sounds like you're looking for a different way to live.

Nyte Byrd

Yes, I certainly have. And I am very sorry that you have so easily given up on AA based on just one meeting.

I didn't exactly have many uplifting things going on in my life for some time while going, but after at least giving it more than a fair chance than that, I began to hear the messages being offered. I doubt anyone could have heard much based on only one meeting. I think in my second year of going it FINALLY hit me when they were doing the opening reading in How It Works.

"Do Not Be Discouraged!".

OH!!! Because that's what I was. Discouraged. Projecting before I even walked into those meetings that it wasn't going to work for me. And what did those people know. How could they possibly understand what I was going through.

In reality, I was suffering from 'terminal uniqueness' and many of those people I thought were NOT my type knew EXACTLY what I was going through, because they had been where I was. I thought it was them who were closed minded and know it alls. But it was ME who was closed to them. One meeting? That's like someone saying the tried pot but didn't inhale.

To be honest, I can't even remember what was said at my very first meeting. But I know if one focuses on the negative at a meeting that's all they will probably hear.

You may want to reconsider. Try two. Well, maybe more than two. Your choice, but welcome back. At least hang around here more often if those stuffy people in AA annoy you.

nacona

Contempt prior to investigation (in the BB) nearly killed me. I disliked ALL of THOSE people too and I certainly would NEVER hang out with ANY of them....haha THEY are some of my closest friends now and I (most of the time) love the meetings or at least love seeing my friends there.

My last days of drinking I would go from a couple of sips to waking up in the morning not knowing what the heck I did the night before. I didn't even get to enjoy any of the "high" - and alcohol used to give me tons of energy.

I would frantically check my sent folder in e-mail and my outgoing calls on my phones.

Once a friend responded to one of my e-mail rants by say, are you drunk? haha

Give the meetings another 20 or 30 tries...lol Some are horrible and some are not so bad and some are great.

I used to drive home from work looking forward to drinking, but now I race home to get to a meeting on time.

artsoul

Hi Ozark - I can relate a lot to what you posted (only a few years younger than you). When I started drinking, it was in addition to whatever activity I was involved in. As time passed, it was more about the drink being the reward and mode of relaxation. The activity became secondary (or nonexistent).

I didn't have any cravings either, until I tried to quit..... That's when I discovered that I couldn't and really didn't want to. I could go for days or weeks (when visiting people or involved in things where I couldn't drink easily). But I had to admit, like you, I was going to continue to do the same old same old unless I chose another path and stuck to it. I could see myself not caring about things, even myself.

The idea that alcohol equals "enjoying ourselves" is false. And even if you have no hangovers now, how long can your body keep up with that kind of daily regime?

I'm getting a lot more done these days and have more energy, but more than that, I feel good about myself for having done this.

I wish you all the best!

MrDavid

Keep hoping, keep praying, keep believing in miracles until you become one yourself. We will be here to support you every step of the way.

~God bless~

ste

I have been very close to your situation in these respects. Cannot say I have conquered the issue yet, but I simply do not want to resign myself to leaving this world sooner, rather than later.
I feel better physically, and mentally, and enjoy life more.
You can do it too, with effort. Starting the effort is as simple as getting off ones ass instead of picking up ones drink.

mtnmagic

Off topic - I just want to say that I noticed a bunch of posts opened back up after a time of inactivity. Not sure why that is. Hmmm, maybe someone is doing a lot of research or something. Doesn't really matter, I find myself getting something out of them in any case.