Raveneyes

Im an idiot, i hate my life when ive been on a bender, i know i said ill help you people but bleh what happened, bugger all, my life is tough, i am screwed up mentally.. ****...

Raveneyes

things are so tough for me, ive lost most of my friends this year, became erratic lie that i have a Hungarian gf, dunno what else... why oh why! stupid STUPID STUPID IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

smacked

I doubt you're better off dead.. better off sober, probably.

When you want it, you know this is a great place to get some support.

Raveneyes

im getting pissed, **** it... hopefully i die in the night.

Pumpkin Soup

hey -i feel crap too - i cant go more than 3 days and im back on it - but yr not a stupid idiot yr just trapped in this thing that gets us - over and over - keep coming back here - I will be and I know it will help me - dont give up. Hugs xxx

Dee74

Hi raveneyes

I remember feeling exactly like you do.
Many of us here have found there is another way to live.

The way out of the cycle is to get help, find support and stop drinking.

If you feel in any danger tonight I hope you'll call 999.
D

Raveneyes

u r right, im still gonna get drunk tonight tho...meh..

Raveneyes

Dee dont worry, im gonna stick a dvd on, forget about my lonelyness, get stinkin drunk and hopefully wake up tommorrow feeling not hungover much bleh

Raveneyes

Its so tough loosing a job you loved, working outdoors etc, handling birds of prey, i started taking vodka and orange juice on the last couple of weeks, day my contract finished i got drunk at my mates, started crying whilst reading the leaving card i got, got a bird book too

kdr143

do what you do
You got to want to be sober
i had to learn i had to want this for myself
i know i have another drunk in me but i don't know if i will have another recovery!!!

Raveneyes

now im on job seekers allowance, im not looking for a job tho, i dont think i can deal with n e thing crappy

Dee74

That was my solution for many years - needless to say, given we're both here, it doesn't seem it got either of us anywhere much....

We can talk tomorrow about better strategies if you like.
Take care, mate.

D

Raveneyes

I know i can quit but then i feel good again after 5 days off it, come Saturday im like woohoo weekend time! i got into the habit of only drinking at weekends for a while, now i drink 5 days on the trot, occasionally taking 5 days off but more often than not a day or 2.

Raveneyes

I also have no appetite after drinking, is that normal?

Dee74

I got like that too - with both the forgettign how bad I felt, and the increased drinking.

I never understood before why people said alcoholism was progressive, but I understand now.

I really hope you'll get some help, RE.
I just added a few UK links to the stickies here - maybe something to consider tomorrow?
D

Raveneyes

i forgot to say is tht i can eat when drunk but its the day after im talking about, i like food but i dont like forcing food down me to hide the fact i cant eat, my dad eats like a pig which makes it tough.

Raveneyes

Aslo i get upset stomach now and diorrihea when i have no appetite i hope this isnt a sign tht ive damaged myself or n e thing...

Raveneyes

i only just 24 didnt start drinking till i was almost 18, everyone drinks when they r like 13, why do i suffer?

Raveneyes

find it amazing tht this has only had 19 views but its had 18 comment, you are all wonderful..im still totally messed up and getting drunk, ill try to come here tommorrow

whenartdeparts

nah this is just withdrawal...when I drink, I go without food for 5-6 days (depending on how long the bender lasts) and then needless to say, the day after I can't eat too...i force myself though, even though i eventually have to throw it up...but step by step and day by day i eventually "learn" to eat again
this spring i went on a two weeks bender, did not eat ANYTHING but a pack of crisps PER WEEK...when i sobered up, i felt like i've forgotten how to chew, it took me a week to finally eat a whole meal at one time!