nacona

I went to a meeting last night from 7:00 to 8:00. On Friday nights there is a meeting 5 miles away further up the mountain that is from 8:00 to 9:30, so after the first meeting I was heading over to the second.

A guy I have known for 7 years (he has 18 months) asked for a ride and I said yes. I take him up to that meeting almost every week only this time he asked if "a new girl" could ride with us. I said yes and as soon as she got in the car I smelled alcohol. I stopped the car and asked if she had been drinking and she said no and that it's probabally her gum that smells?????

I don't know FOR SURE if she was drinking or not, but even the guy smelled it and said so, but she firmly denied it.

I read on another thread that we don't refuse rides to people who have no cars, but almost everytime I have relapsed, it's been with a newcomer. I made a rule for myself that I won't hang out with newcomers AT ALL this time, but Robert sort of sprung her on me.

What are we really supposed to do? If she or anyone really NEEDS a meeting and they don't have much sobriety, do I jeopardize myself and drive them, knowing what I have done in the past or can I just say, sorry - not driving newcomers around anymore.

Bare in mind that this town has no public transportation nor taxis.

sailorjohn

I've been attending meetings for a little while now, and I have never heard of that particular rule.

Your sobriety should be your number one priority. Tell Robert to arrange transportation for this girl.

LexieCat

Um,

See, this is where having a sponsor would come in handy. You don't want to jeopardize your sobriety, but giving a ride to a newcomer (even when she is drinking) is part of working with others. It just might be a little soon for you to be doing that, given where you are at in your own recovery.

A sponsor would be good, because she could better help you figure out what it is that is concerning you, and whether it is a good idea to push past it or not. I don't know you well enough to say whether you should or shouldn't--at this point.

If you can't find someone in the rooms who knows you and your history well enough to give you good advice on this, you might ask around and see if someone else could help this gal out with rides.

Sudz No More

Personally, being around here in this state would make me want to help her stop and would actually make we want to drink less. Unless of I course I follow her into the bar and order a drink with her. But then of course who's fault does it become?

yeahgr8

This is the problem with forums its not easy to offer opinion or advice based on a tit bit of information so i understand what trucker was saying and hes right assuming the person has just turned up to AA, has a sponsor, is working the steps and wants to do some service for carpoool...couple of thoughts/questions are you saying that you have been around AA for a while now as you mentioned that you have relapsed with newcomers before? Has Robert worked the steps and had a spiritual awkening? A newcomer, for me, is someone who hasn't worked the program of AA regardless of sober time...maybe you should be turning up solo for a bit and just hanging with your sponsor and concentrating on finishing the steps?

nacona

I've been in and out of AA for 7 years. The most sober time was 14 months

I worked the steps with my first sponsor in 03, but I only had 2 people on my amends list, so I'm thinking I wasn't being honest....lol

I have relapsed one million times and mostly with newcomers. We ride together and start laughing and talking and one always ends up saying, I bet you would have been fun to get drunk with and away we'd go.

Robert was a chronic relapser as well until 18 months ago. He has worked the steps and has changed completely from when I first met him in 03.

Freedom1990

I'm sorry that he sprung that on you.

That being said, this is one of a million reasons I think it's critical to have a sponsor, especially early in sobriety.

Winging it on my own was not a good idea.

I had a sponsor before I ever got out of rehab.

nacona

I have asked 2 women to sponsor me - one has a ton of sponsees already and the other one is only going to NA now. I need AA. I'm going to meetings every night on the lookout.

I have NOT prayed for one though as I was advised to do. I will do that and see who comes my way.

yeahgr8

Thanks for that...hope now is your time:-)

Freedom1990

I will send out a few prayers on your behalf too.

TheEnd

Maybe you should sit down and think about why being around newcomers makes you relaspse.......that being said, it's nice to be helpful in AA, but nobody said you have to be their personal taxi.

The other day this guy asked me for a couple dollars to buy some ciggarettes, and I gave it to him, but just because I did that one time, doesn't mean I will be doing it all the time. Besides I don't even like people smoking and he seems to have a job.

CarolD

I've found that giving rides to same sex
people causes less problems.

If a guy asks for a ride....I always made sure
to take along more people.....

Spirit08

I say, sorry, I'M NOT A TAXI!

Toronto68

Well, Carol, I guess Nacona has had the exact opposite experience.

Nacona, it sounds like you know yourself pretty well. Do you think you would have a guilt complex about staying away from newbies when it is outside the rooms themselves? You probably want to Do Unto Others when it comes to lending rides, but if it is going to turn into the same old problems, then why feel bad about only sticking with people like Robert "and above" until you think you can handle it? My vote is to do what it takes until you are ready to deal with somebody who is still in drinking mode.