pongo

I've been greatly edified over the last few weeks of my membership to this forum deepening my relationship with God by further healing my alcoholic past. I have been incredibly blessed by God and abundant reassurances that despite many challenges I will be protected.

I know that God wants me to stay sober, and frankly that is the easy part for me at this point. What's more difficult to is obey God's other direct challenges to me regarding my persistently selfish, distracted and mistrustful attitudes. God has very clearly spoken to me about several behaviors, habits and fearful beliefs that I need to change and take in a positive direction.

I think about my active drinking years and how much I was drowning in sin. I am so thankful to have woken up to the truth. As much as I desire to follow God I still feel the weight of those sins holding me back. I have tried to explain this to several close friends, but no one can relate, I don't know, to the depth of what I am trying to do. These are long-standing, deeply entrenched patterns. I felt moved to tell the man I was seeing for about a year that I need to take a break because I need to really focus on God's will. I couldn't keep him tied to me in a selfish way since I am not able to commit myself to growing our friendship.

In a sort of sick way I am incredibly grateful that I was once a sloppy drunk because now I'm moving forward in my recovery to become truly healed.

Che

Quitting alcohol isn't just about giving up things and punishing yourself. It's about creating a life and doing something good with it. Try not to focus so much on washing sins away, and focus more on just doing new and positive things.

I'm hoping there were more reasons to leave this guy than just religion... I find it a little disturbing to be completely dependent on anything, alcohol or otherwise. We need safety nets and multiple barriers to keep ourselves from falling into despair when one those things fails. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, as they say. It's good religion helps you, but obsession is still obsession.

LexieCat

Pongo,

Have you been to any AA meetings? The 12-step program is designed to get that burden of wrongs off your back so you can go on to a healthy, happy future.

LaFemme

Hey pongo...I'm glad you are doing well with sobriety and that you are well and truly committed to God. I kind of think the most important obedience I can give is to love God and love one another...to My way of thinking that includes loving myself...God loves me...I can't imagine him wanting me not to love myself.

CarolD

Pongo....

My God is one of forgivness and love.
By daily connection to Him.....I keep in
emotional balance......

My drinking past He has forgiven.

By daily living the AA steps...I've become
the woman I was destined to be.

All my best as you continue to grow and recover.

pongo

Thank you for the replies to my message. I have complete peace and contentment through God's grace. I know I am forgiven and so I have forgiven myself. "No condemnation." I also know that a sinful habit is just that - a thought process that is hard to break. That's what I mean by being held back. I am not able to grasp the victory that God is offering me unless I can really change ingrained habits.

God has given me a lot of challenges and responsibilities right now and I know that much of it is expressive of a need for me to evolve - to grow, to become, in a positive way. In order to do that I've had to pare my life down to the most essential elements, and surprisingly I've come to recognize that my recovery is there - it's one of the pieces of this puzzle. I never got through "stage two" of my recovery process.

As for the man in my life, that situation has other complications that draws a lot of my energy and attention, not to mention my time. I can't afford to give it that much effort, and I feel it's only fair to the man to be completely honest about it. I will live with however he chooses to respond.

Best wishes to all of you in your recovery, too.