rws177

This week I found out my ex girlfriend received a DWI this weekend, it is her first one. We were together for 7 months and she very rarely drank around me but after we split up 4 weeks ago I heard she was drinking quite a bit. Also my older brother who is 31 received his 5th DWI Saturday night and his still in jail. My step dad is really really wealthy and always bails him out which is why he has never spent more than one night in jail despite having 4 prior arrests for this. He just got his last one a month ago prior to Saturday night. My step dad has assured the family that he is in no way helping him out. The sad part is I took some pleasure in hearing about both my brother and ex girlfriend.


I talked to my friend about this who has more sober time than me and she said she used to feel the same way. She told me that part of becoming a better person involves praying for these people and she is right. I want to be a positive person and not wish or take pleasure in hearing people I know getting in trouble due to drinking but it just seems hard not too… I really do hope this is my brothers bottom and we can hang out together sober some day. As I was celebrating my 9 months of sobriety he was getting arrested.

jamdls

Sure becoming a better person involves praying for others and having more empathy etc but I also think it's completely normal to get some pleasure out of others failures especially when that person is an ex, don't beat yourself up. If I see a drunk fall down/make an a** out of himself I'm going to laugh and make fun of him/her because it's funny. Now I don't see anything funny about DUI and if your brother's on his 5th!! he needs to be locked up in jail for a couple of years; and hopefully the ex will learn from her mistake quickly.

LaFemme

Hmmmmmm, I'm tryin to figure out what to say. I think it is very sad your brother is not getting the help he so obviously needs, instead of bailin him out, perhaps your wealthy step dad can spring for rehab? As someone with 9 months sober maybe you can talk to him about it.

It might be human to sometimes take pleasure over someone elses misfortune, but that doesn't make it a healthy emotion to experience...imo.

rws177

He has been to some nice rehabs but never remained sober.

Sasha4

I think I understand. I have had similar feelings.

To me it's hearing about what other people have done while being under the influence, usually bad stuff, and thinking 'thank god, that could have been me but it's not and that is such a relief'.

I have had it in a lot of situations.

I would get satisfaction that I was not the drunkest person there - that someone else was. It was a relief that the heat was on somebody else - be it a party with friends, a work situation etc etc.

suki44883

Karma can be a wonderful thing. Especially when those who preach to us about how awful we are then go out and find themselves in much the same situation. I think it's only natural to feel a sort of satisfaction when they find out they're not as special as they thought they were.

Regarding your brother, rehab won't do a bit of good if he isn't ready to stop drinking and live a sober life. He'll never be ready as long as there are people making things easy for him. He won't be ready until continuing on the way he is becomes so uncomfortable that he'll do anything necessary to change. Unfortunately, all the love and compassion in the world will not make him ready. I truly hope your step-father is serious about no longer helping your brother. He isn't doing him any favors by continuing to soften the blows and not allow your brother to face the full consequences of his bad choices.

Congratulations on 9 months sobriety for you!

hotshot

Better Him than Me..........I think it is a pretty normal feelin..............Just need to feel good about not bein in the situation yourself........Which seems could have very well happened if we were drinkin

rws177

I defiantly had that "thank god it wasn't me" feeling when I first heard about these two.

I know from my own experiance that my brother won't change until he wants to because I was the same way.

Sasha4

However, it was more often than not me - who was the subject of people laughing and gossiping how drunk I was. And I never remembered as I had blacked out.

And I get so scared that it could continue and get worse - my mind replays every stupid, embarassing thing I have ever done while drunk every morning resulting in massive panic attacks.

HOW DO YOU EVER YOU FORGIVE THESE YOURSELF THESE EVENTS/EPISODES? Your help would be very much appreciated.

xx

smacked

I guess I'm pretty thrilled any time I hear someone is busted for a DUI.. Too many people are killed and injured by that irresponsibility.

CarolD

For me.....that forgiveness took place when I finished the
AA Steps 4 and 5.
God forgave me...then I could forgive myself.....

i find prayer immensley useful.

I certainly hope you will find your way Sasha4

CarolD

rws177......

I'm hopeing neither of the arrests caused injuries
and that they will be a turning point for your
brother and your ex.

28 people I know died from alcoholic related causes
since I quit drinking.
I always think about how that could have been me.

Prayers for clarity going out.

loveon2legs

I got a DUI, and that is one reason I am clean and sober today....I'm glad here in canada the laws are getting tougher..in regards to that... But no I never feel good when someone else is suffering....I pray for them xo

rws177

None of the arrests caused injuries thank god.

28 people is a lot to loose since quitting drinking, it's sad to think about how many lives are lost due to drinking. If I lost a friend or my brother to this I know I would be really torn up abouit it.