lilac0721

I have been struggling to stay sober for the past 2 1/2 years. I'll get a month, two, three or even four, then get a bottle and spend the day with it. A month ago I realized that I really really needed to get sober, to have the healthy, full life that I envision. And deserve! But so many times I found myself thinking, "what's the point? I can't pay my bills, have no job prospects, and can barely afford to put food on the table." God gave me a generous gift last week: I applied to three jobs around Colorado (the state in which I live) last Monday, and all three of them have called for interviews. I had one, really liked the man who would be my boss, liked the town and area, and yesterday he offered me the job!

Here is the (umpteenth) "fresh start" that I really need. A job in a new town, and a job that I am passionate about. I have checked out AA meetings in the area, and there are 2 each day. Here's what I am scared of: it's a SMALL town, and my job will be as a Deputy District Attorney. I am afraid of people "outing" me, or encountering people in the rooms who are required to attend by probation officers and who will recognize me as one of the people "responsible" for their situation. (There are only 4 Deputy DAs in this town where I'm headed). This same thing happened to me here in the town where I currently reside a little over a year ago: I relocated, started my job as a Deputy DA, attended a few meetings each week, then one night saw a guy that I had sentenced that day on a DUI. I freaked out and didn't go back. Add to that the fact that I stopped taking my antidepressants, and well, I've spent a year in and out of the rooms, having panic attacks, episodes of depression, and left that job that I loved for no really good reason and have since been struggling to earn enough to pay for food.

Is it a bad idea for a prosecutor in a small town to be involved in AA meetings? Should I stick with fellowship at church and online forums like SR? Any and all advice is welcome...I have a fresh start ahead of me, and really want to turn my health and life around and be the best me I can be.

artsoul

Wow, that's a dilemma isn't it? I can understand where you would be uncomfortable if someone you convicted was sitting in the same AA room. I would be uncomfortable, too, but not necessarily because of having people know I was in recovery. I'd just be a little nervous having those people sitting there resenting me, or glaring at me because of what I did to them.

Personally, I don't have a problem with people knowing I'm in recovery. I'd rather be known for dealing with my problem than out there drinking. But everyone's different and I know there are people who look down on alcoholics and addicts.

Best of luck to you. I wish I could say something helpful!

Sudz No More

I have personally never worried about others knowing but I can understand your concern. One positive to convicted offenders seeing you there reinforces what you are trying to teach them by handing down a sentence. If you run into this problem again, maybe next time you would do better to approach them and welcome them to a chance at sobriety. If you fear this would backfire on you than you might be better off staying here and at a church or other gathering.

My honest feeling though is that you should have nothing to hide. The fact that you are being open about your habit should be a great moral boost for others, not a detractor.

223

Is there a counsellor, doctor/psychiatrist that you could see on a regular basis.

This may be a bit "out there" but I know that many countries are utilizing the internet/high speed links for video conferencing specifically to extend the reach of health care services. Maybe there's something like that you could avail yourself to. But I wouldn't know where to start looking. Google I guess.

Other than what you suggest about online meetings etc. that's all that I can think of other than out of town AA sessions which may not be practical.

Brucel

Welcome Lilac. We have a deputy district attorney in Chico, Ca who didn't choose to go to meetings and seek help and now he's on the other end of the gavel, so to speak. I was a firefighter in my old town and was frequently seen at AA functions and the hall. I went there for me, but I do admit I was a little nervous at first. I would suggest you go and find a little group which few court appointed people attend, there are many in my town of 16,000, and you can feel safe. This sounds like a great opportunity for you to find the life you were meant to live. Good luck, God Bless, Bruce

CarolD

Welcome back....
Congratulations on the new job!

I've not been in your situation....but I'm aware that several
county sherriffs deputies attend meetings in another county.
I've never asked why.

You might want to discuss your concerns with your new
boss....there may be a local solution already in place.

All my best

wren

That's a conundrum...

I like Carol's subtle suggestion about going to meetings in another county.

David 1

Maybe God also sent you a subtle message - Here is an opportunity for a fresh start in more ways than just a career opportunity. In general terms, figure out what has not worked in the past regarding your sobriety and commit to something different this time.

I like the idea of finding a health care professional you can confide in to assist you in your recovery. Plus, he/she can also work with you in a more holistic manner and tend to the depression/panic attack issues. Know that you have a difficult road ahead and the more support you can find the better.

A fresh start does not mean repeating the same old pattern that you know will not work.

Truly accept the gift, research and analyze your recovery options and make it a fresh start. I can sense your excitement but also a little fear; that is a good thing.

Sorry about the long-winded response but I was in a similar situation a few years ago and I can relate to what you are feeling. I also think those of us in high profile professional positions may need to take into consideration our careers along with treatment choices.

I am not sure if I directly answered your question but I wish you the best of luck, even if you are from Colorado!!!

Dave

DayTrader

One of the guys from the meeting near me was a DA for a number of years. Some of those years he was still actively drinking and for many of them he was sober. If I were in the shoes of someone you prosecuted, I might be thrown off by seeing you at a meeting but, on the other hand, it could be a good thing to see you there. Here's someone who's I'd think is "high and mighty" yet they're working on the same problems as I am. What a great opportunity for you to really make a difference in a lot of peoples lives than to walk the very people you went after in court through the steps of AA, help them find a God of their understanding and watch them recover from alcoholism.

The guy I'm referring to is very open about his alcoholism but he's also very serious about his recovery and his connection with God. While it's maybe safe to assume he's had an occasional bad experience from being so open about his alcoholism, I'm willing to bet there are many more rewards for being so open about his recovery from it - I doubt he'd do it otherwise.

Don't forget, God has a plan for us. We can either follow his lead with as much faith as we can muster and trust Him to provide shelter for us when things look grey or we can go back to doing things on our own - running our lives on self-will and self-determination....... and we KNOW how the second option works out.

I don't think you would have been offered that job if God didn't have an important purpose for you to be there.

lilac0721

Great wisdom from everyone...even David from Nebraska (actually, your advice struck on just the right chord with me...on a different note, I am soooo bummed that Nebraska and Colorado will be in different conferences, that game was the highlight of Thanksgiving!)

I do see this as a much-needed fresh start. And since I will be in a very rural area, the closest county is a 45-minute drive. I think I need to pray a lot and seek wisdom from other professionals (I know a woman here where I currently live who is a therapist and attends AA meetings). And I have had the experience where I saw someone in a meeting (mother of a kid who'd gotten into some drug trouble) and she rushed up to me to tell me I was her angel, because I had listened to her before her son's bond hearing and helped her through the whole process. That was shortly before I left the DA job here (which, btw, is one of the biggest regrets of my life).

I have been seeing a fantastic counselor here, and am on meds that seem to really help, so I am committed to continuing counseling and medication for depression/anxiety after I move. It is central to my stability and sobriety. As for meetings, I will check some out and see how it goes. Certainly can't hurt. And yes, I will be in a unique position to set an example, so maybe the "something different" this time around that David suggested is sticking to meeting attendance, even if I see someone I saw in court. After all, meetings are part of my stability and health plan.

Thanks everyone!
Rebecca

MeAndOnlyMe

Look at it this way - you could just as easily run into someone you've successfully prosecuted in a grocery store or gas station.

Also consider the professional and ethical ramifications - there could easily be many situations where you would be prosecuting a drunk and you should recuse yourself.

When would you rather be outed?