New Here... Scared
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Here There & Everywhere
Posts: 153
Welcome Alaska
You have made the decision to stop drinking. Best decision you will make in your whole life. Good going girl!
Second best thing is finding sober recovery. This forum will help you through. Any time, day or night. Post, or just read through others experience. I found that to be so helpful, felt like I wasn't alone.
Glad to hear your attending a meeting, I hope it works for you, but if it doesn't don't beat yourself up about it. There are so many other alternatives and special interests here on the forum. Do what fits you best. Take all the help offered.
See you around and be strong!
Second best thing is finding sober recovery. This forum will help you through. Any time, day or night. Post, or just read through others experience. I found that to be so helpful, felt like I wasn't alone.
Glad to hear your attending a meeting, I hope it works for you, but if it doesn't don't beat yourself up about it. There are so many other alternatives and special interests here on the forum. Do what fits you best. Take all the help offered.
See you around and be strong!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 273
Drinking has become such an involved part of your life that you're not sure what else to do when you've finished your responsibilities. That's the problem as I see it.
The solution? Find healthy replacements. Don't just sit there doing nothing not drinking, because you'll get bored and all you'll think about is drinking, and that will lead to actual drinking. Take the edge off with a funny movie, or a walk in the park. Just find things so that your lifestyle has something to change to.
The solution? Find healthy replacements. Don't just sit there doing nothing not drinking, because you'll get bored and all you'll think about is drinking, and that will lead to actual drinking. Take the edge off with a funny movie, or a walk in the park. Just find things so that your lifestyle has something to change to.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 37
Alaskagirl,
You're story sounds just like mine last Oct. when I first found SR. I ended up going to an AA meeting while my wife was at work, just to see what it was about. I was amazed! The feeling of being at home in that meeting, and the sense of hope that this time I would actually beat the alcohol was overwhelming.
If you can make it to an AA meeting, do so. Chances are, your husband knows you have a problem anyway. We always think we're keeping it a secret, but everyone seems to know anyway.
Hang in there, and if you can at least get to one AA meeting you can get some phone numbers to call if you are having one of those days where you're fighting a drink.
You're story sounds just like mine last Oct. when I first found SR. I ended up going to an AA meeting while my wife was at work, just to see what it was about. I was amazed! The feeling of being at home in that meeting, and the sense of hope that this time I would actually beat the alcohol was overwhelming.
If you can make it to an AA meeting, do so. Chances are, your husband knows you have a problem anyway. We always think we're keeping it a secret, but everyone seems to know anyway.
Hang in there, and if you can at least get to one AA meeting you can get some phone numbers to call if you are having one of those days where you're fighting a drink.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Alaska,
Boy, do I relate to your post. It sounds like me, a little over two years ago, when I finally started to seriously think about quitting altogether.
I knew quite a bit about AA, because my first husband has been sober for over thirty (!) years. I thought quite highly of AA--for OTHER people. I, of course, was DIFFERENT. I didn't need to quit altogether, I just needed to get a handle on it.
Well, I worked on "getting a handle on it" for four and a half years. I joined a moderation support group (which probably spared me some of the harm that I might otherwise have done to myself), but what I found was that although I could control my drinking for short periods of time, I always lapsed back into my old drinking patterns, and the amount kept increasing. My "hobby" occupied almost all my waking time.
Finally, when I realized drinking was NO LONGER FUN, when alcohol had become just the basic "medicine" I needed to get through the day, and I felt desperate enough, I had a "lightbulb" moment where I realized I really COULDN'T drink normally, no matter how I tried, and that there were many people living happy recovered lives in AA. I carefully detoxed at home over four days (spacing drinks several hours apart just to stave off severe withdrawal), planned my last drink. The day before my last drink, I poured out every drop of booze in the house except my four drinks for the last day. The day after my last drink, I went to my first AA meeting for myself.
I have nearly two years' sobriety at this point. My life isn't perfect, but it is calmer, saner. I have a great sense of freedom because I am no longer enslaved by my addiction. I am active in AA. I don't think AA is the only way to get, and stay, happily sober, but it works for many people. You can't beat the availability and accessibility of the support.
You can explain to your H that you don't want to wind up like his dad--that you are afraid that if you don't do something to stop, you might. If he's willing, ask him to check out Al-Anon, which is a support group for families and friends of problem drinkers. If he isn't interested, that's fine, but it might give him a little bit of insight into what you are doing. You might want to read, and to share with him, a book called Under the Influence. It does a pretty good job of explaining how alcoholism "works".
Eventually, once you acquire some good, solid recovery, you will find it possible to attend drinking events without undue discomfort. You might want to avoid them for awhile, though, and it's always good to have a backup plan if you start to feel uncomfortable (leaving early, having someone you can call if you need a little support). Being around others who drink can be managed, it just takes time and practice.
Even though I used to find it unthinkable to give up drinking for good, today I find the thought of drinking unthinkable. I never want to feel again the way I felt when I was emotionally at the end of my rope. Surprisingly, once I gave up the battle, dropped the rope in my tug-of-war with drinking, I didn't feel like a "loser" or a "failure"--I just had this huge sense of relief I didn't have to keep fighting and struggling anymore.
Good luck, keep reading and posting, and I would suggest checking out an AA meeting. Most meetings are "open," which means anyone is free to go and observe. You don't have to say anything, you don't have to call yourself an alcoholic. (In fact, the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.) If nothing else, you will learn that giving up drinking does not mean the end of having fun, but rather that it's the beginning of reclaiming your life.
Boy, do I relate to your post. It sounds like me, a little over two years ago, when I finally started to seriously think about quitting altogether.
I knew quite a bit about AA, because my first husband has been sober for over thirty (!) years. I thought quite highly of AA--for OTHER people. I, of course, was DIFFERENT. I didn't need to quit altogether, I just needed to get a handle on it.
Well, I worked on "getting a handle on it" for four and a half years. I joined a moderation support group (which probably spared me some of the harm that I might otherwise have done to myself), but what I found was that although I could control my drinking for short periods of time, I always lapsed back into my old drinking patterns, and the amount kept increasing. My "hobby" occupied almost all my waking time.
Finally, when I realized drinking was NO LONGER FUN, when alcohol had become just the basic "medicine" I needed to get through the day, and I felt desperate enough, I had a "lightbulb" moment where I realized I really COULDN'T drink normally, no matter how I tried, and that there were many people living happy recovered lives in AA. I carefully detoxed at home over four days (spacing drinks several hours apart just to stave off severe withdrawal), planned my last drink. The day before my last drink, I poured out every drop of booze in the house except my four drinks for the last day. The day after my last drink, I went to my first AA meeting for myself.
I have nearly two years' sobriety at this point. My life isn't perfect, but it is calmer, saner. I have a great sense of freedom because I am no longer enslaved by my addiction. I am active in AA. I don't think AA is the only way to get, and stay, happily sober, but it works for many people. You can't beat the availability and accessibility of the support.
You can explain to your H that you don't want to wind up like his dad--that you are afraid that if you don't do something to stop, you might. If he's willing, ask him to check out Al-Anon, which is a support group for families and friends of problem drinkers. If he isn't interested, that's fine, but it might give him a little bit of insight into what you are doing. You might want to read, and to share with him, a book called Under the Influence. It does a pretty good job of explaining how alcoholism "works".
Eventually, once you acquire some good, solid recovery, you will find it possible to attend drinking events without undue discomfort. You might want to avoid them for awhile, though, and it's always good to have a backup plan if you start to feel uncomfortable (leaving early, having someone you can call if you need a little support). Being around others who drink can be managed, it just takes time and practice.
Even though I used to find it unthinkable to give up drinking for good, today I find the thought of drinking unthinkable. I never want to feel again the way I felt when I was emotionally at the end of my rope. Surprisingly, once I gave up the battle, dropped the rope in my tug-of-war with drinking, I didn't feel like a "loser" or a "failure"--I just had this huge sense of relief I didn't have to keep fighting and struggling anymore.
Good luck, keep reading and posting, and I would suggest checking out an AA meeting. Most meetings are "open," which means anyone is free to go and observe. You don't have to say anything, you don't have to call yourself an alcoholic. (In fact, the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.) If nothing else, you will learn that giving up drinking does not mean the end of having fun, but rather that it's the beginning of reclaiming your life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey Alaska!
You've got some great advice here IMO...just to ad my two cents worth...The first time I tried to quit 5 years ago, I also couldn't picture a life without alcohol. How was I going to socialize, go out to dinner, go to parties, get up in the morning, etc...? So I tried to quit anyway, didn't work.
I did a lot of work...did a lot of reading on the different theories about why people drink, why some people are alcoholic, etc., etc. Once I had enough information, and I was thoroughly sick of being sick all the time, I gave up.
Granted I am only on day 13 (longest by far without alcohol in 12 years) but I can't actually fathom a life with alcohol at this point.
Good luck, and the people at SR are an amazing resource, so you already have a great start:-) I wish I'd found it 5 years ago!
You've got some great advice here IMO...just to ad my two cents worth...The first time I tried to quit 5 years ago, I also couldn't picture a life without alcohol. How was I going to socialize, go out to dinner, go to parties, get up in the morning, etc...? So I tried to quit anyway, didn't work.
I did a lot of work...did a lot of reading on the different theories about why people drink, why some people are alcoholic, etc., etc. Once I had enough information, and I was thoroughly sick of being sick all the time, I gave up.
Granted I am only on day 13 (longest by far without alcohol in 12 years) but I can't actually fathom a life with alcohol at this point.
Good luck, and the people at SR are an amazing resource, so you already have a great start:-) I wish I'd found it 5 years ago!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: northern ireland
Posts: 83
your in the same position as me. I just joined this site about a week a go posting a thread identical to yours. im 27 and a hard binge drinker. can go 2 to 3 weeks without drink then bam..on it for 3 or 4 days solid...and now im doing it on my own at home. easy to get in to and almost impossible to get out of being a drinker. im trying to do 30 days dry and take it from there...it my be an addictive personality issue we have as i have had problems with gambling aswell...same thing once i start i cant stop, may be deeper issues and we just have not realised because we have self medicated with alcohol for so long. stay dry and good luck
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