Another Milestone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 254
Another Milestone
I posted here when I was 70 days sober, and a couple of times since, but I'm still really, really new here....
In a nutshell:
My drinking, while above the average for my whole adult life, never was an issue for me...I've reveled in the combination of my intemperance AND the ability to get things done...I started circling the drain with my depression about 3 years ago...to the point of almost being a shut in...and the drinking went epic...I was medicating my anxiety, and exacerbating my depression...the whole time knowing that one day, I'd have to just stop...just not today...I started breaking promises due to getting drunker and for longer than I intended...it was typically at home, without driving and never getting ********* in front of my kid, so except for physically, I was just not being shown the consequences of my actions, because I didn't seem to be hurting anyone...but it sucked....drinking every day or withdrawing, a couple of times a month (and increasing) having to feel out my wife or friend in the morning to see if I'd been reprehensible or just plain bizarre the night before....
New Years eve, when we went to friend's, I was already drunk...for a day and a half, really...nothing bad really happened, but passing out on the couch....but, I can't remember more than half an hour of the night....it was just a final straw for me....I continued to stay drunk for another 2 days while thinking long and hard about my choices...though, they seemed to be less and less "choices" anymore....
I stopped...and went through 4 horrible days of withdrawals, but knowing that I was on the right track....nobody held a mirror to me or shined a light on my addiction....all my friends drink too much, and my wife, though not a drinker has never been one to tell me what to do...I was never given an ultimatum, I just had a couple of very, very introspective days of complete self honesty...recognizing that I wasn't here for myself or my family, and people drink themselves to death on less than I drank....
Last Friday was 6 months sober for me! So it's now 6 months and 5 days
I just thought, I'd celebrate, and thank you guys...I don't post much, but I read daily...it continues to help me...
SSZ
In a nutshell:
My drinking, while above the average for my whole adult life, never was an issue for me...I've reveled in the combination of my intemperance AND the ability to get things done...I started circling the drain with my depression about 3 years ago...to the point of almost being a shut in...and the drinking went epic...I was medicating my anxiety, and exacerbating my depression...the whole time knowing that one day, I'd have to just stop...just not today...I started breaking promises due to getting drunker and for longer than I intended...it was typically at home, without driving and never getting ********* in front of my kid, so except for physically, I was just not being shown the consequences of my actions, because I didn't seem to be hurting anyone...but it sucked....drinking every day or withdrawing, a couple of times a month (and increasing) having to feel out my wife or friend in the morning to see if I'd been reprehensible or just plain bizarre the night before....
New Years eve, when we went to friend's, I was already drunk...for a day and a half, really...nothing bad really happened, but passing out on the couch....but, I can't remember more than half an hour of the night....it was just a final straw for me....I continued to stay drunk for another 2 days while thinking long and hard about my choices...though, they seemed to be less and less "choices" anymore....
I stopped...and went through 4 horrible days of withdrawals, but knowing that I was on the right track....nobody held a mirror to me or shined a light on my addiction....all my friends drink too much, and my wife, though not a drinker has never been one to tell me what to do...I was never given an ultimatum, I just had a couple of very, very introspective days of complete self honesty...recognizing that I wasn't here for myself or my family, and people drink themselves to death on less than I drank....
Last Friday was 6 months sober for me! So it's now 6 months and 5 days
I just thought, I'd celebrate, and thank you guys...I don't post much, but I read daily...it continues to help me...
SSZ
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hi Sixstringzen,
Thank you so much for your post. Wow. Every now and then I read a post that resonates with my past drinking, feelings while I was drinking, and rationalizations to continue drinking so much. After reading your post I think I just realized a few things about myself that I had not internalized completely, coming up on 30 days of sobriety.
I was medicating my anxiety, and exacerbating my depression...the whole time knowing that one day, I'd have to just stop...just not today...
I also knew that I would have to stop one day. I'm a worrier by nature and knew it was wrong every time I binged, which for me, also the past three years, was every night. I always held on to that thought that it would have to end one day, just never that day. It took a long time for me to really see the cycle of medicating the depression with alcohol, making it disappear for a few hours. Then the aftermath that started filling my days, every day.
I was just not being shown the consequences of my actions, because I didn't seem to be hurting anyone...but it sucked....drinking every day or withdrawing,
This was a big one for me. I drank at home and my partner drank too. I moved to a new state 4 years ago so my family and old friends never witnessed my drinking. For a long time I wasn't hurting anybody until the blackouts became more frequent and that evil personality came out.
It got to the point where I was hung over every day and drunk every night. There was not a minute of the day that my sense of being was not affected by my drinking.
having to feel out my wife or friend in the morning to see if I'd been reprehensible or just plain bizarre the night before....
This was one of the three things that made me hit bottom. It was so unpredictable and humiliating, planning the questions carefully to give the impression that I did remember what happened. Feeling it out. Was I acting goofy and entertaining? Did I say or do something hurtful? If my partner would say "you sure were talking about politics last night at that party." I'd cringe and respond "Yeah....I sure was!" without remembering a thing I said or did.
After passing/blacking out at home or at a party, I would also drink more the next night, attempting to lessen the anxiety.
I also never had an ultimatum from friends, family, or my partner to stop. I guess this means we wanted it for ourselves. I knew my "get out of jail free" passes were running out and I was tired of seeing how much further I could take it.
People drink themselves to death on less than I drank
Me too. That was a hard realization for me to accept.
Thank you again for your post and congratulations on your six months!
Thank you so much for your post. Wow. Every now and then I read a post that resonates with my past drinking, feelings while I was drinking, and rationalizations to continue drinking so much. After reading your post I think I just realized a few things about myself that I had not internalized completely, coming up on 30 days of sobriety.
I was medicating my anxiety, and exacerbating my depression...the whole time knowing that one day, I'd have to just stop...just not today...
I also knew that I would have to stop one day. I'm a worrier by nature and knew it was wrong every time I binged, which for me, also the past three years, was every night. I always held on to that thought that it would have to end one day, just never that day. It took a long time for me to really see the cycle of medicating the depression with alcohol, making it disappear for a few hours. Then the aftermath that started filling my days, every day.
I was just not being shown the consequences of my actions, because I didn't seem to be hurting anyone...but it sucked....drinking every day or withdrawing,
This was a big one for me. I drank at home and my partner drank too. I moved to a new state 4 years ago so my family and old friends never witnessed my drinking. For a long time I wasn't hurting anybody until the blackouts became more frequent and that evil personality came out.
It got to the point where I was hung over every day and drunk every night. There was not a minute of the day that my sense of being was not affected by my drinking.
having to feel out my wife or friend in the morning to see if I'd been reprehensible or just plain bizarre the night before....
This was one of the three things that made me hit bottom. It was so unpredictable and humiliating, planning the questions carefully to give the impression that I did remember what happened. Feeling it out. Was I acting goofy and entertaining? Did I say or do something hurtful? If my partner would say "you sure were talking about politics last night at that party." I'd cringe and respond "Yeah....I sure was!" without remembering a thing I said or did.
After passing/blacking out at home or at a party, I would also drink more the next night, attempting to lessen the anxiety.
I also never had an ultimatum from friends, family, or my partner to stop. I guess this means we wanted it for ourselves. I knew my "get out of jail free" passes were running out and I was tired of seeing how much further I could take it.
People drink themselves to death on less than I drank
Me too. That was a hard realization for me to accept.
Thank you again for your post and congratulations on your six months!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Sounds a lot like me too - Except I was given a ultimatum; either quit drinking or lose my family.
Now, after close to seven years sobriety I have never felt better and oddly enough I am not as argumentative as I used to be - Imagine that!
Congrats SSZ - Living a sober life gets better and better (note: You still have to deal with life's problems!)
Dave
Now, after close to seven years sobriety I have never felt better and oddly enough I am not as argumentative as I used to be - Imagine that!
Congrats SSZ - Living a sober life gets better and better (note: You still have to deal with life's problems!)
Dave
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Methuen, MA
Posts: 99
Nice, SSZ! I can relate to much of what you wrote especially that unexpectedly abrupt ending when you finally had it. Now, you can go another 6 months!
P.S. I'm about two weeks away from one year date...
P.S. I'm about two weeks away from one year date...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 254
Originally Posted by loveon2legs 
Congrads on your six months!!! I'll be celebrating mine in a couple of weeks!!! Feels so great doesn't it!!
Enjoy your day!!!
I'll be celebrating mine in a couple of weeks!!! Feels so great doesn't it!!Enjoy your day!!!
Thanks a lot, y'all
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