pongo

This is my first post on these boards. I drank for 16 years, and thankfully did not have to hit "rock bottom" before I quit, although I could see it from where I was. I am very grateful for my sobriety and value it among my proudest accomplishments and an important characteristic that makes me who I am today. I have 13 years sobriety, never a craving, and am as happy as the next guy and happier than many.

I have had difficult challenges in life aside from alcohol, unique in detail but not in general. I am grateful that my burdens have been light. I feel I have met life's obstacles with grace, determination and persistence. I continue to grow and evolve as a person and I like myself. My question is this; Are there any others in long-term recovery who are just plain tired, as I am? I have every confidence that no matter what happens I will continue to manage problems and to enjoy life, but sometimes I am downright sick of it. Haven't I paid my penance? I've learned a great lesson, I've come out on top. I have freedom of faith and I believe in the beauty of life. Can I rest now?

Does anyone else feel like there's something missing? Has anyone felt that way and discovered what it is? Is this perhaps a spiritual disease and not related to recovery at all?

Thank you for the opportunity to ask my question.

AlwaysGrowing

pongo, 5 years ahead of you but I call those 'ruts' or boring periods. I've also just walked thru life at times without much Sunday Driving.

Today is different and it took a few life events and action on my part. Sometimes I feel that way today when I'm not helping others or more into self then others. I started taking steps to comit myself to more and at the time I was think WTF am I doing. I'm tried, I'd rather be in bed catching more ZZZss or TV watching.

My life is better today, my relationship with others is better, I'm still a selfish person but working to put things between that and myself.

I think what you are talking about is very very common. Thinking about it a storm either takes care of that or we need to...

AG
Sober Sept 25th 1991

Taking5

In AA we are taught that our drinking is but a symptom of a larger spiritual malady. The 12 steps are designed to treat this spiritual illness. In my mind your spiritual condition and your recovery are inseparable.

Do you go to AA? Have you worked the steps? Have you done anything to improve your spiritual life?

pongo

While I recognize that recovery is a spiritual matter, I wonder, I am not quite sure whether my present dissatisfaction is connected at all with my prior drinking habit, or if I've completely moved beyond it. When I first got sober I attended meetings of Women for Sobriety, which has 13 steps very similar to the 12 steps. I am not Christian, but I have pursued a spiritual path all of my life. I currently attend a Unitarian Universalist congregation and think of my faith and spirituality to be at the center of my being.

I am thankful for every day and I know that I won't be given more challenges than I can handle. I do handle them, and I am not angry or resentful. Mostly it's a lack of joy in earthly matters. I find great joy in the spiritual path; exercising, singing, my religious community, meditation. For some reason that joy is not carrying over into the more mundane moments.

At times I think that I have under estimated the toll that life's difficulty has taken on me and that I am simply drained, emotionally, physically, drained of energy. Thank you for the replies; I have food for thought.

keithj

[QUOTE=pongo;2613537]Is this perhaps a spiritual disease and not related to recovery at all?/QUOTE]

Congrats on the time. Yes, many of us have come to realize that alcoholism is a spiritual malady, sober or not. This is at the core of AA.

And it's very related to recovery. Unless I treat that spiritual malady, I'm simply not drinking, which is a very different thing from spiritual liberation.

The bedevilments described on page 52 of AA's Big Book sum this up. Why does life seem so hard? It has nothing to do with drinking. My life is unmanageable even sober. It's a spiritual problem with a spiritual solution.

Faith, belief, worship, all good things. But I needed to have removed from me the things that were blocking me spiritually before I could have the freedom that is promised. The 12 Steps offer a way to do this.