jackbrads

yea hi, im a 20 year old alcoholic, iv got a lovely girlfriend and friends and a family, but i really have no feelings towars them at all, all i ever think or care about is drinking, iv been drinkin over 10 cans of 500ml beer and a couple bottles of martini everyday for the past 3 years, i know its stupid, but i completely want to destroy myself, but its affecting others and i simply cannot stop which im sure you guys understand, iv tried to talk to my mum, doctor, brother and friends but they dont understand so i thought comming on here may be a change of attitude. i thought it would be nice to talk to people who understand what im talking about. im pretty much destroying every aspect of my life by drinking, my job, girlfriend, friendship, my home.....you know everything. i know some of you guys have been through the same, just wondering on any advice? thanks, jack

ImReadyToQuit

The only good news in your story in your age 20.. You can have a long life ahead of you.. Bad news is you will be dead shortly. This is a great forum, please hang around and read all you can.. Even if your still drinking, read...and read.. You'll see your story over and over again..

Ronan

Good move coming here! The important part is that this is beatable. The down side of that is it will only be beatable when you yourself are ready.

As was said above, read as much as you can here. And find out about any programs like AA etc in your area, perhaps visit a doctor.

Good luck mate

jackbrads

i have visited a doctor and prescribed catcher in the rye, didnt do a thing

CarolD

If you mean the old novel....Catcher in the Rye......
I suggest you find a doctor up to date on
addiction issues...recovery methods.

Welcome Jack...

jackbrads

hi, yea i know, i liked the book to be honest. i reaad it out of humour. ill tak t you alll
tomoro when im not drunk

jackbrads

hi carol by the way

Dee74

Hi Jackbrads

This is a supportive place. I remember what it's like to be 20 - trouble was I drank so much I stayed 20 til I was 40.

It really was a waste of those years - I hope you're smarter than me.

Definitely do see another Dr - Catcher is a great book but of little value as an instructive tool for alcoholism.

Have you thought of a recovery programme, like AA or something? The face to face support and understanding might be a help.

Hope to see you more here too
D

ImReadyToQuit

I bet you didn't LOOK 40..

artsoul

You said you've talked to doctors? Were you totally honest about how much you drink? Because I'm surprised they wouldn't try to get you into some kind of treatment program. Likewise, have you ever told your mom that you feel you need to stop and can't?

I'm glad you're here and I do hope you'll come back after the alcohol has worn off. People here really understand what you're going through.

DayTrader

Ding Ding Ding Ding...... you just described the same $hit just about every alcoholic has gone through. The amount of self-lothing, guilt and shame that a practicing alcoholic walks around with day to day it astonishing. I drank a lot of the times just so I didn't have to think about what a worthless SOB I was becoming / making worse by my continued drinking. We're the only folks who understand drinking just so we can forget our drinking.

The best gift you could ever get is one you already have but don't realize.... you asked for help. Admitting to yourself that maybe there's a way and that you can't do it with just your own mind is where it all starts.

AA's a way out of not only the drinking obsession but it's also like a road-map to a life that's so cool you wouldn't believe me if I told you. That wanting to destroy yourself.. that'll be a distant memory. Loving and feeling the love from your faimly, friends and girlfriend.....that'll all come back. It's frickin' amazing.

But - there's always a but - you have to hold up your end of the bargain. Get hooked up with a meeting in your area. (hit this site up & put your address in: Alcoholics Anonymous : How to Find A.A. Meetings or call information and ask for the "aa hotline" in your area. The cats who answer those calls can tell you where there's a good meeting in your area. Let people at that meeting know you're new (I didn't have the balls to do this at my first couple meetings and it made my first couple weeks WAY tougher than they had to be). The second you say that they'll know exactly how you feel because we all felt the same what when we were new. Go up to whoever is leading the group (maybe after the meeting is over) and tell them you're new and are interested in talking to someone who could work with a newcomer. They'll be able to point you in the direction of someone who's worked the AA program and knows what to do/what not to do.

Life in recovery is.......man.......it's just awesome. Truth is, it's awesome now but in the fog of alcoholism and drug addiction we just can't see it.

I think what ImReady was trying to say is that IF you're willing to try something different...... you can get free from the crap that's holding you down and start loving life again.... if you keep doing what you're doing but hope things will get better on their own, well, our experience is that it just gets worse. Hard to imagine it can....but it gets worse.

You asked for help for a reason...... we NEED people like you around. You've got experiences and lessons learned that could help someone else from doing the same dumb stuff you did (just like all of us have experiences we want to help others avoid). Stick around, learn what's happening in AA among the people who are really working it successfully then follow their lead. You'll be better in no time.

jackbrads

thanks for responding, its good to talk to people who actually get what the hell im on about unlike everyone else who thinks having a go at me and lecturing me is going to do anything, which of course it doesnt, it only makes me more isolated and makes me drink even more. i dont know, i guess its getting silly now, i try to function as best as i can with my job and stuff, but i can see it all slipping away just because i really want to drink constantly. i dont really care about myself but i do care about hurting others or making their lives an inconvienence. how can you stop? i know there isnt any easy way as it is pushed in front of you everyday with the media and supermarkets, but how did you guys find it? i went to a drug and alcohol clinic for a while but it really didnt help.

DayTrader

I got forced into AA. Didn't even want to stop drinking...........ever. In the back of my mind though, I thought it would be good (or nice) if I could get to a point where I wanted to quit (but, like I said, I didn't even want to quit). --and that's about all the willingness I had at first - not much is it?

I farted around with will power, praying, avoiding certain friends, spent less time watching tv and more on the pc or reading books, etc etc etc. I was going to aa meetings too but thought they were crap and I just knew I'd find a better way. I was positive I'd be able to figure out a way to at LEAST be able to party once and a while.

Long story short, I had a court-ordered therapist that I was seeing who is a 12-step monster (she's got 16 yrs in aa/na) and I got to be friends with some ppl in aa who were also big on the steps. Somewhere along the way I started to believe that there might just be some "magic" in those steps and I started to "work" them with my therapist, in meetings and (MOST IMPORTANTLY) in my life when I WASN'T at a meeting. I started to try to live them. From then on, 99.99% of the cravings stopped. I got what I talked about in the first paragraph - the "desire" do drink was just about gone. - that was just over 3 years ago.

Good AA and working the 12-steps saved my ass.

Norther

You probably need to see a doctor who knows something about addiction. Any hospital will have an addiction program that can hook you up with a person like that. If you want to stop drinking, that will put you on the path (probably to AA). If you don't want to stop, you won't, which would be sad, perhaps tragic. Best of luck.

smacked

I would recommend a doctor as well, that is experienced in addiction.

You wont quit drinking until you want to..that much is usually true.

artsoul

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.

That's the first step in AA, and though I don't go to AA currently, I am in 100% agreement with this. After trying for years to stop or control my drinking, I finally came to realize that I was totally powerless to do so. I know that I can't have "just one" (what's the point, anyway?). Once I knew in my heart that I would continue to choose to drink no matter what, it was clear that I wasn't going to be able to do this alone. That's when I ran across SR and finally told the truth about my drinking. I related to everyone elses stories and my conviction just got stronger and stronger that yes, I am an alcoholic, and the only way to avoid more of this insanity is to not pick up a drink, one day at a time. Once I got through those first couple of days, I began to see that I really DID want sobriety. It amazed me that I was able to get up in the morning without dreading the day.

I also kept things very simple the first few days. I let the house go, I rewarded myself with good food, and basically hung out here. I kept reading and reading and reading. It was (and is) my lifeline. Whenever I start thinking about having a drink, I come here. So far it's really working.

DayTrader

Heh, I was always so jealous of ppl like you when I first started working on recovery. I never could "not drink, one day at a time." I love that it works for some ppl though.

....and I'm not quite so jealous anymore.

Catkill23

valerian root, melatonin, tylenol pm, lots of movies, books, go to 4 meetings a day, ice cream, cigarettes, write down feelings,

Then about 4 months later you can try to get a job.

5 months later start to say a few words to material world people
7 months later, you maybe able to go to a mall
8 months later start rearranging your house, or apartment.

DayTrader

FOUR months before he could TRY to find a job?
FIVE months before he can talk to people?
etc etc etc......


holy crap! I'm glad I didn't try THAT program. Sounds worse than drinking.

Catkill23

DayTrader, it kind of sucked but oh well,

What luxuries did you do during initial recovery?