TNgirlie615

I got here now because my anger got the best of me and I'm terrified. I helped my husband get clean and sober from crack, helping him get off probation, etc. and now I find myself angry at him, and I was drunk when I assaulted him.

He took out an order of protection on me, and now I can't even see my babies unless I'm supervised. For the past few months, I've felt he was back on something, but could never prove it. I grew increasingly frustrated at his behavior and I myself started drinking more. One night, he tried to take a car that I asked him not to take because there was no insurance on it covering him. He insisted on getting in it and I got mad and grabbed him to keep him from getting in and the screwdriver in my hand nicked his shoulder (I was putting hardware back on the front door after painting it)... Now I'm facing aggravated assault.

I love him and I'm sorry for what happened, but how can he throw me under the bus like this? I'm getting help.

I stuck by him in jail after his crack relapse, etc...

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Ceres

Hey,

Sounds like this might be a time for your new beginning. Time to get a program and maybe give AA a whirl. It will also get your mind off of him and onto you. I know it's a terrible place to be. But, ya know - You never have to feel this way again. Life can get better than you'll know. Get well for those kiddo's because he may not. And then what?

TNgirlie615

Thanks.. I am in an intensive outpatient program, I was in inpatient for 7 days too, and attending AA everyday (home group, sponser). I'm just baffled at the outcome. I feel helpless and so confused. It hurts to be honest. The inpatient program discouraged me in that they wanted me to take all the blame for what happened. Maybe I am to blame for this final situation, but what about all the stuff leading up to it? I can't be responsible for everything! Not the whole marriage when I feel I did nothing but help him! Ugh, the enalbler syndrome, I know. I guess I am to blame. I can only help myself now.

Ceres

You're on the right path. Just keep doing the next right thing. One foot on front of the other. That's how I did it. I had a tradegy bring me in. I was full of self-loathing. It wasn't even pity, it was something worse. Deadening. I came back from the dead. It was like a new birth.

You've done good! Got meetings in order and a sponsor. Just be sure to call her. :-)

Sugah

Welcome.

Bluntly: You can be supportive, but you can't take responsibility for his recovery or his failure. That's his choice. You now have a choice to take responsibility for your own recovery. That's all that was ever in your power to do. That's the way it is for all of us. What he chooses to do, what responsibility he chooses to take (or not to take) is up to him.

Take care of your own side of the street, put one foot in front of the other, and things will get better for you.

Peace & Love,
Sugah