Rangerbob

After I got out of rehab on Nov 15th, I went home to a mess of new troubles. My GF was gone, there was some guys clothes in the house, and my dog was missing. After a few frantic phone calls, I found out that the GF and her new BF were in CA meeting her parents, and the dog was with a mutual friend. I got the dog, packed up all the guys stuff in a garbage bag, and told the GF she had one week to be gone. I called the landlord and took her name off the lease, since her and I had been on the lease together for 5 years, and figured that was it. A week after she left, I got two letters the same day from the landlord...one addressed to me and one addressed to her. Since I had no idea where she had moved to, I opened both letters. Her's basically said..."You've been a great tenant and I'll be glad to give you a reference." Mine said..."You have 30 days to move or I'll begin eviction proceedings." Talk about a shock.

I still wasn't drinking at that point. I called a friend of mine who lived in the midwest, and he said, come on up here and we'll get you a job, and bring the dog, too. So...after moving from friend to friend in December, I finally got up there in January. I still wasn't drinking at this time. I interviewed with the company, was hired on Wednesday and was scheduled to start work on Monday. On Friday, I got a call from the HR manager who said, we can't offer you that job. No reason, no rhyme, they drug tested me and did the background check prior to the offer, and everything was clear.

So, I looked for work for a few weeks, until I finally decided to go back home. I got back and had no money except unemployment, which was about $200 bucks a week. I found a fleabag motel that would let me pay by the week, $185...I stayed there for a week until I found an off season cottage that I can pay $150 a week for, which only leaves $20 for food and gas a week, while I look for work. And here I am now.

So, last night I spent $13 of my not so much left over money for a bottle of vodka. As I sat out out on the front porch with my dog, drinking my vodka and tonic, I realized that sometimes life really does suck, and I actually felt better than I had in the last 4 months. I wish I could blame the bad luck on alcohol, but I was sober the entire time all that bad stuff was happening. I guess I'm saying that if I have to go through that hell again, I'm sure not going to go through it sober the next time.

4 months of sobriety gone in one day for extremely valid reasons.

Astro

Bob, this might be a little blunt, but I'm not sure why you're posting on a recovery forum if you don't intend to stay sober when bad things happen in your life.

In early recovery I got divorced, kicked out of my home, lost full custody of my children, she's still got my dogs, went to a mental hospital, earned an assault charge and restraining order, got remarried in recovery, and 5 minutes ago I took a huge salary cut and I'm faced with losing a job I've held for 14 years.

But I'm not going to drink over it. Drinking wouldn't have improved any of those things. All it ever did was numb the pain temporarily, it filled a big empty hole in my soul.

Yeah, life does suck sometimes, but it's what we call "life on life's terms". Normal drinkers handle the rough patches without drinking. In recovery, I've been given the tools in AA to face all of those issues head-on, and know without a doubt that the majority of them are caused by my own fears. They pass quickly, my needs are met, and I continue on in life to help others and keep the focus off myself.

least

In my opinion, there is nothing so bad that alcohol can't make it worse. I am sorry to hear of your run of bad luck, but drinking won't make it any better. Make tomorrow your new day One. Start all over. You can do this.

Rangerbob

Honestly, it's because this forum is the reason I went into rehab in the first place. So I owe my life to these folks. That being said, I read stories about people in the big book who went from down on their luck drunks to leaders of industry. My personal experience is that I went from sobriety to homeless in less than 4 months. I don't believe in God, or a Higher Power. I can only believe in what I've seen in the past 4 months. A sober downward spiral.

No thanks.

fragrantrose

Dear Rangerbob,
I am sincerely sorry to hear about your run of bad luck.
Please dont give up on your sobriety journey as you you havent thrown away all your good work of 4 months.
You can start again!
kind regards
Julia

Kerbcrawler

I agree bob..You gotta be due some goodluck soon.. An the bottle well gettin back into that ill make it so much worse..Heres speakin from experience..I hope you get some good Breaks,...Take Care,

CarolD

Hmm....
What did that bottle of vodka change?
Will the next bottle change anything?
You still have the same situations going on.

The job market is horrible...in my area 10.4%
of the work force is unemployed. College educated
people are working far below their capacities/salaries.

This is life on life terms....

Have you considered getting assistance for re training?
Check with the local unemployment office to see
what is available to you.

The Salvation Army also has re training free programs
for alcoholics in many areas.

I sure hope you get back on track soon....

Rangerbob

Well it has to, and quickly. Otherwise the alternatives are putting my dog up for adoption, since I won't be able to afford to feed him, and living in my car for the duration of the winter.

Thank GOD for sobriety!!

Rangerbob

Oh..yeah...I checked with them for retraining. They told me that since 2 years ago I made over 45K a year, I didn't qualify for retraining. Their advice? Redo your resume. I'm almost homeless and I have to redo my resume? What am I going to do with it? Eat it?

They are no help whatsoever. I asked them for some food vouchers just to get by, they told me...and I quote..."if you're able to pay $600 a month for rent, you don't need our help." I explained to them that I was living off of unemployment...their response? "We help families that need help...not single people who are staying in a resort." I guess to get help I have to actually leave here and get all my belongings in my car and stay in a parking lot. But, then, they wouldn't be happy with that because I don't have an address.

Well...welcome to the homeless single person.

CarolD

Food? I've gotten free food
from church sponsored food banks.

No you don't have to be a member
of any church to get their assistance.

I'd start with Catholic chairities for info.
They are in phone books ...no phone book?
Go to the public library to look at one.

Rangerbob

I've spent most of the day looking at people who are able to help. I've been turned down by everyone of them except the Rescue Shelter who offered me 3 meals a day. I'd have to move into their shelter without my dog and listen to sermons 3 times a day to get their help, but at least they offered it.

I'm on my own at this point, just like I've been on my own for the past 40 years.

Just to put things into perspective, when I was in rehab, I told the counselers that I didn't believe in God or a Higher Power. After I left there, I went back to see my case manager just to talk. I told him that while I still didn't believe in a higher power, I couldn't totally disagree with that fact. My dog relied on me for his existance. He didn't care if I was drunk or sober, he only knew that he needed fed, watered and walked every day. He was the reason I stayed sober for so long. The counseler asked me if he could relay that story in his meetings, I said...sure..of course.

The point being, is that if I didn't have that dog that relied on me, to walk him, feed him and water him every day, I probably would have just drunk myself into a stupor every day. But, I didn't.

So, my higher power turned out to be my little dimunitive K9 barking power.

He really is my best friend.

CarolD

Hmm...
Did you serve in the military and have an honorable
discharge? If so.....contact your local VFW -American
Legion and the Disabled American Vet's have a
lot of information.

Rangerbob

Yes...I did serve and have an honorable discharge...that's why I was in rehab in the VA in Oct. As far as them helping out homeless vets, where I live, there is a 2 year waiting list. The VFW here has no plans, and the DAV is in the same boat. It's a bad time for all vets right now.

CarolD

While this will not take care of your immediate
situation.....I understand there has been a
"new improved" G.I. Bill activated.

I also think the Health Care Industry is a growing field.

Just saying.....

Toronto68

Ranger, I admire your tenacity. I wish you weren't being tenacious now about finding good reasons to be drinking again, but I can't do much about that. I hope you'll pull things together for you and your dog.

Rangerbob

So today was even worse than the past 4 months. I went down to the interfaith ministry to get some help with food, and they told me that since I paid 600 a month on rent, I didn't qualify for help. I explained that I only get 170 a week unemployment, and they said that I should find a place to rent for 300 or less. I asked them if they knew of any place like that, and they said no. So, I went over to DSS and applied for food stamps. Again, they told me that I made too much money to qualify for food stamps, and furthermore, since I was able bodied to work, I should find a job. WTF? I've been looking for a job every day for the past month. And today I find out that unemployment benefits are being held up by some guy named Banning. If this is what sobriety is all about, I'd rather be drunk.

You know, I did the steps, and when I read in the big book that everyone who quit drinking was suddenly elevated to new heights, I was inspired. I quit drinking and lost everything. I wonder if there is some way to contact those people in the big book that went from gutter to crown. I personally believe, that those testomonies aren't true and they are just made up to give false hope.

Right now, I don't have enough money to buy the bullets to off myself with.

Dee74

I'm not an AA member but my experience is just getting sober isn't a magic wand.

It didn't magically make my life much better Bob.
That bit I had to work for.

I never got that impression from the BB either but that's neither here nor there.

Sounds like you're working pretty hard yourself - I'm not an American but things sound pretty bad there by your account.

Try not to get discouraged tho - I had a similar situation in my own life with health facilities and government bureaucracy but I won out in the end....keep trying, keep working, and don't look backwards - if you want any chance of getting out of where you are, don't drink on it.

D

SlvrMag

I got clean.
Then lost my job.
Then my car.
Then my marriage.
Then my kids.
I'm still clean.

Stay sober through these problems and you will feel better about yourself, the problems are gonna come no matter what.

Rangerbob

And I bet you have a great story to tell about how great you are doing right now...right?

Well..I don't.

SlvrMag

As a matter of fact, I do. So can you