3 years sober last week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
3 years sober last week
I can't believe I have made it this far. I look back on the night I decided to stop. I was so terrified. How could I live sober? Impossible! Or if possible, not worth it! How horrible. A fate worse than death.
My god, what horrible, deluded thinking. I still get cravings, and sobriety is no perfect, peaceful walk in the park, but it sure as hell beats wondering who you were last night, or how badly you will feel in the morning or where you will get that extra six pack absolutely need at 2:00 am.
Anyone out there struggling with day one, you can do it. Life is better with alcohol. Believe me. Sometimes I want to give in, sometimes the days are long, but they never get as bad and confused as they were three years ago.
My god, what horrible, deluded thinking. I still get cravings, and sobriety is no perfect, peaceful walk in the park, but it sure as hell beats wondering who you were last night, or how badly you will feel in the morning or where you will get that extra six pack absolutely need at 2:00 am.
Anyone out there struggling with day one, you can do it. Life is better with alcohol. Believe me. Sometimes I want to give in, sometimes the days are long, but they never get as bad and confused as they were three years ago.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Congrats on your 3 years... great milestone! You're an inspiration to those of us not there yet. Sometimes I have a hard night here and there, and just knowing there are others out there who've made it is a big help. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: IM IN THE MIDDLE
Posts: 130
congrats
Great job,,I knowwhat u mean,,Im a little over 2 now and stressin over work, Gee wiss not to long ago i was in jail no job no home, no money, and in the sherifs car on my way to treatment,, wow now im workin helpin others in recovery, and feelin greatfu that you have another year of sober time,,slowly its becomming more about you and less about me,,thanks for the reminder and great job,, keep it up..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by chango 
Anyone out there struggling with day one, you can do it. Life is better with alcohol. Believe me. Sometimes I want to give in, sometimes the days are long, but they never get as bad and confused as they were three years ago.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Sobersville
Posts: 28
Chango:
Definitely a typo, and a very amusing one too.
Congratulations on your 3 years, Chango, that's a real inspiration.
Chango:
I know exactly what you mean. I'm on day 144 sober today and I know how frustrating those moments are when the temptation to have a drink seems so, so reasonable. I'll just have a day off, I think to myself, and buy a nice bottle of something I really like, maybe a bottle of port or Baileys Irish Cream and a few cans of beer to go with it and of course I'll need some snacks, crisps and peanuts and a big Hawaiian pizza, and I'll get a couple of newspapers and a few magazines and I'll prop myself up on my bed with about 4 pillows and the radio on and have a lovely afternoon...
At this point I thank my lucky stars I'm sober and rational enough to "play the tape to the end". (Marvellous phrase that, it's saved my sobriety dozens of times.) I fast forward in my mind past the drunken, dreamy, happy, hazy afternoon in my bedroom to the inevitable nightmare scenario the next morning.
Waking up with my throat parched, rising nausea and a vague sense of something really bad having happened, or about to happen. Fear of thinking about it. Reaching out for a glass of something to quench my thirst and realising my fingers are trembling. Oh God, not the shakes again, not that. I'm going to have to get through the day somehow. My brain is all muzzy, I look like **** and I've got to go to work feeling ill. Or even worse I have the day off, in which case I'll just have another beer or two to get me over this feeling of depression sweeping through me...yes, that'll sort me out.
The whole nightmare carousel starts all over again. The daily struggle with active alcoholism resumes. The diahhroea, the shakes, the sweating when talking to people, the dizziness, the lunchtime drinking to get through the afternoon at work, the knocking off from work early, the endless blanked out evenings, the exhaustion, the puking from too much booze or not enough, the inappropriate behaviour, the secrecy, the loss of friends, the loss of self respect, the paranoia, the depression, the raging anxiety, the thoughts of suicide. Oh God, please help me! I'll have to quit again. AGAIN! That means starting from day 1 again. I don't know if I've got the strength this time. Aaaaargh.
But wait, it's day 144 and none of the above has happened. Woohoo, I'm sober and healthy and have beaten another attack of the cravings. I rock.
Chango:
Here, here. 
Cloud8:
So true. 
Life is better without alcohol. There's no contest. I'll need reminding of that every day for the rest of my life, but I don't mind. It's better than the alternative..
Now for that pizza and a diet Coke.
Bananaman.
Life is better with alcohol. Believe me.
Congratulations on your 3 years, Chango, that's a real inspiration.
Chango:
I still get cravings, and sobriety is no perfect, peaceful walk in the park, but it sure as hell beats wondering who you were last night, or how badly you will feel in the morning or where you will get that extra six pack absolutely need at 2:00 am.
At this point I thank my lucky stars I'm sober and rational enough to "play the tape to the end". (Marvellous phrase that, it's saved my sobriety dozens of times.) I fast forward in my mind past the drunken, dreamy, happy, hazy afternoon in my bedroom to the inevitable nightmare scenario the next morning.
Waking up with my throat parched, rising nausea and a vague sense of something really bad having happened, or about to happen. Fear of thinking about it. Reaching out for a glass of something to quench my thirst and realising my fingers are trembling. Oh God, not the shakes again, not that. I'm going to have to get through the day somehow. My brain is all muzzy, I look like **** and I've got to go to work feeling ill. Or even worse I have the day off, in which case I'll just have another beer or two to get me over this feeling of depression sweeping through me...yes, that'll sort me out.
The whole nightmare carousel starts all over again. The daily struggle with active alcoholism resumes. The diahhroea, the shakes, the sweating when talking to people, the dizziness, the lunchtime drinking to get through the afternoon at work, the knocking off from work early, the endless blanked out evenings, the exhaustion, the puking from too much booze or not enough, the inappropriate behaviour, the secrecy, the loss of friends, the loss of self respect, the paranoia, the depression, the raging anxiety, the thoughts of suicide. Oh God, please help me! I'll have to quit again. AGAIN! That means starting from day 1 again. I don't know if I've got the strength this time. Aaaaargh.
But wait, it's day 144 and none of the above has happened. Woohoo, I'm sober and healthy and have beaten another attack of the cravings. I rock.
Chango:
Anyone out there struggling with day one, you can do it. Life is better with alcohol. Believe me. Sometimes I want to give in, sometimes the days are long, but they never get as bad and confused as they were three years ago.
Cloud8:
Im a little over 2 now and stressin over work, Gee wiss not to long ago i was in jail no job no home, no money, and in the sherifs car on my way to treatment,, wow now im workin helpin others in recovery, and feelin greatfu that you have another year of sober time,,slowly its becomming more about you and less about me,,thanks for the reminder and great job,, keep it up..
Life is better without alcohol. There's no contest. I'll need reminding of that every day for the rest of my life, but I don't mind. It's better than the alternative.. Now for that pizza and a diet Coke.
Bananaman.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Congratulations Change! And wonderful post Banana...it brought back all the despair and hopelessness. But you all are right, sobriety is sooooooo much better and the way I feel this morning gives me a sense of serenity, inner strength and peace of mind much more powerful than a drink ever could.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by chango
I can't believe I have made it this far. I look back on the night I decided to stop. I was so terrified. How could I live sober? Impossible! Or if possible, not worth it! How horrible. A fate worse than death.
My god, what horrible, deluded thinking. I still get cravings, and sobriety is no perfect, peaceful walk in the park, but it sure as hell beats wondering who you were last night, or how badly you will feel in the morning or where you will get that extra six pack absolutely need at 2:00 am.
Anyone out there struggling with day one, you can do it. Life is better with alcohol. Believe me. Sometimes I want to give in, sometimes the days are long, but they never get as bad and confused as they were three years ago.
My god, what horrible, deluded thinking. I still get cravings, and sobriety is no perfect, peaceful walk in the park, but it sure as hell beats wondering who you were last night, or how badly you will feel in the morning or where you will get that extra six pack absolutely need at 2:00 am.
Anyone out there struggling with day one, you can do it. Life is better with alcohol. Believe me. Sometimes I want to give in, sometimes the days are long, but they never get as bad and confused as they were three years ago.
7
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
Part of me can't believe I have made it this far. Through so much fear and hopelessness and struggle. The last two years have not been easy. You can check my posting history. Surgery, death, loneliness. I almost folded a few times this year, but I always think back to that night I gave it up. I never want to be that scared and helpless again, all over some terrible fermented poison. What's the use of it?
Luckily I am convinced that I cannot drink moderately. It took me a few failures before I realized that I can't moderate my drinking. I might be able to do it for one night, or two, or two months, or even two years, but I know deep down I will end up back in that same place I was that night 3 years ago, terrified and helpless. Whatever pleasure alcohol gives, it's not worth going back. And I can never drink again. Some people see that as a fate worse than death. And at some point I did too. But now I see never being able to drink again a blessing. One that I am very thankful for, no matter how hard the long days or nights can be.
Luckily I am convinced that I cannot drink moderately. It took me a few failures before I realized that I can't moderate my drinking. I might be able to do it for one night, or two, or two months, or even two years, but I know deep down I will end up back in that same place I was that night 3 years ago, terrified and helpless. Whatever pleasure alcohol gives, it's not worth going back. And I can never drink again. Some people see that as a fate worse than death. And at some point I did too. But now I see never being able to drink again a blessing. One that I am very thankful for, no matter how hard the long days or nights can be.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
