Krismutt1

I had a long (and sincere) conversation with my husband about my toxic relationship with alcohol and me wanting to quit. He was very much for it.

Since then I have gone "back out" so to speak rationalizing my drinking in the idea that I will quit Jan 1 for good. I even got a perscription for Antabuse to help out for the first couple of months. I want to stop. I need to stop drinking before something bad happens.

I feel like I've let my husband down by drinking when I told him I was serious about stopping. He has not outwardly pointed out what I've been doing but I can tell he doesn't want to be around me when I'm drinking.

Should I have yet another conversation with him or just stop and let my actions speak for themselves? I don't know what the best course of action is with him.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated

CarolD

Why not let your actions show him your serious?
What are your plans for dealing with initial de toxing?

As you have the Antabuse...I guess you have already
checked with your doctor as to how best to de tox.
The wisest thing to do is keep your doctor aware.

Please follow the warning about useing Antabuse.
Note that it has nothing to do with withdrawal.

blessings to you and your husband...

justanothrdrunk

In my experience with my spouse and quitting drinking, actions speak (much much) louder than words.

LovesToTravel

You need to quit drinking for yourself. You can't quit for someone else. When you finally decide that you want to quit....you will.

BadCompany

If I had a nickel for every time I quit drinking, and really meant it, just to go back out I'd have, well,.... a bunch of nickels. That is part of this disease. The inability to quit, no matter how much we want to, no matter how much we need to, no matter what promise we have made.

Nevertheless

I would let my action speak for itself.
If you take antabuse for 2 months, you should have broken the physical addiction. (Of course I don't know how much or how long you have been drinking). But you will still have the mental addiction sneaking up on you for quite a while. My last close call was at about the 6 month mark.
The reason I say let your actions do the talking is in case you relapse. I know I shouldn't talk that way, BUT if it does happen you won't be beating yourself up so bad for the things you have said. I truly hope you succeed.
If you are alcoholic you will have plenty of things to have long talks with him about once you quit. If your like most of us, you will go for an emotional rollercoaster ride, taking him with you. But life really is sooo much better sober.
Fred

txsar

Hi Krismutt,
The first time I tried to quit I had the deep, sincere conversation with my husband and then of course I failed. I tried again, and again had a conversation with him and relapsed again. Today I am on day 65. When I finally got serious about it I just did it and didn't say anything. When he finally asked me about it a week or so later and I told him I quit, his comment was "oh, you're trying that again". So, he didn't really believe that I was going to be able to do it. Now that I have a couple of months without alcohol my husband is believing more in me and that I'm serious about it. He's not a big drinker, but he has even cut back on what little he did drink. Which helps me. So, I do think actions speak louder than words. Good luck and have a happy, sober new year!!

seeker7

txsar said almost exactly what I was going to say. LOL

I have 25 days so far. This time I didn't even tell him. We haven't really talked about it other than me saying that I'm sleeping better.

Zebra1275

Talk is cheap. You need to show him with your actions.

Zzyzx

When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will quit. But only for YOURSELF. No bargaining or all the money in the world will make you quit, it has to come from within.

I know the above statement sounds simplistic but it really is true. When I was new to sobriety, all the cliches I heard drove me crazy and thought it applied to someone else.

For me a non-medical 90 day recovery was my foundation. I feel fortunate to have found it. It saved my life and showed me how to live sober and still have fun.

CarolD

Seeker....
Welcome to SR and to our Alcoholism Forum

Well done on your early sobriety...

Krismutt1

I really appreciate all advice. Day 4 no smoking or drinking. Feeling good!
I wish all a happy and healthy new year!!

tyler

Congrats on your 4 days. I second just about everything that has been pointed out already in this thread. In fact on of my New Years goals was to let my actions speak for me instead of my words, as in the past, most of my words were BS. I have to check myself frequently and remind myself all the time of this. It's a hard habbit to break. Take care.

sunrise1

For me, it had to be both. Although we'd talked previously, what really brought me to the table was the minute I knew the problem was too much for me, and telling him the same gave me another level of accountability. Different things work for different people, but personally, letting my husband know I was "joining the fight" (as Jeff Van Vonderen would say) was a relief to him, and allowed him to support me more.

Kellye C

I wasn't married when I got sober (I met my current husband at my AA group) BUT I did have two teenaged kids who I had failed over and over again as well as my mom who was constantly trying to pick up the pieces for all of us.

They all got sick of hearing me talk about how sorry I was to put them through that, how much I was going to change, that I was going to quit, yada yada yada. I had put them through so much that my promises and my words meant little to nothing. When I got sober finally in 2004 I didn't talk much about it. They knew I made meetings in the evenings but that was about it. The rest came with time. They observed the changes. I was there for them again. As my daughter put it, she had her "old mom" back.

Personally, if it were me in your shoes I would just go about the business of getting sober. If your husband sees the change and wants to talk then by all means have a conversation. Acknowledge the failed prior attempts but don't make empty promises. It's like I told my kids, I couldn't promise them I would never drink again but I wasn't going to drink that day. Let your husband know about the Antabuse but just keep it lowkey. Let him decide when and if to talk about it. Trust me, your actions will speak volumes more than any empty words.

I wish you well,
Kellye

CarolD

Thanks for checking back ....
Good to know you are heading into a better sober future.

43395

I couldn't agree more, when I was married I've been this route, it was absolutely hopeless. Much better to do it for your self and let others see the difference.