Drk

My life is getting so good now, that I'm worried I'll forget how destructive drinking was for me and try it again, as odd as this sounds.

barb dwyer

awwwwww, ((((Drk))))

You know -
I understand that statement completely.

A few years ago,
I developed an allergy to shellfish.
(ask me sometime, about the world's WORST first date)

And you know
every few years or so...
I get this *idea*
that my allergy has cured itself.
That's it's disappeared
as mysteriously
as it appeared.

So I go
and get some shellfish.

And you know what?

THE SAME THING HAPPENS!
Eyes swell up
hands feet swell and turn red
red streaks around my eyes ...

it hasn't 'cured'.
it never will.
And going out and getting shellfish
is a stupid and life threatening act.

So I completely understand what you're thinking.

But you know,
this last time
I didn't have shellfish on purpose.
My sponsor told me it was 'fake' crab.
And I wound up in the emergency room.

If we keep our memories of the TRUTH
of our allergies
and our addictions
and our alcoholism
VIVID
and at the forefront of our daily mind
I truly think/believe/know

we won't find it necessary to go out and see if we've been 'healed'.

joedris

That's why I always carry my white chip with me. It's pretty battered now, but it ever reminds me of a place that I never want to go back to. That little piece of plastic will never let me get comfortable with alcohol.

coffeenut

I soooooo 'get' your post. I never want to forget how bad it was.

Barb, thanks for your comments, too. So true.

barb dwyer

*thanks coffeenut* sorry it was so long!

MagicMan08

well this problem is simply taken care of in the big book......it is not forgetting your past when you are helping other alcoholics to get sober. And you clean your side of the football field....via the action steps. What the other people think and feel, that is their life.

Doing these things enables us to never forget where we came, because we all sure as hell don't want to go back there.

CarolD

I found keeping a journal useful

Page 1 had a list of all the harmful things drinking caused
Page 2 listed the benefits of sobriety

Then I would read those and write about the days events.
It worked to keep me in foxus and reminded me of why
I was now a non drinker.

Good to see you sharing again....

Dee74

I use my old posts as a journal...going back to those first couple of posts when I was newly sober, battered by years of self-abuse and scared my death was imminent, is a great reminder of where I've come from

Reading others stories here everyday is also a great 'centerer' - it really helps keep me in perspective

D

penny74

A trap l fell in once too often.
So beware !!

yeahgr8

Just make sure you meet someone who is still out there at least once a week/month and listen to them to remind you...

Stereosteveo

One thing I've learned about alcoholism is I can't rely on my mind, where my memory resides, to keep me sober. Here's what the book says about memory:

p. 22
"Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. "

The only downside with recovery is that our lives get better as a result. The better it gets the more we are shielded from the true nature of the malady. Cunning, baffling, powerful. Cunning means sneaky, like a wolf in the night..

Today I know the way I feel is a result of the actions I have been taking, not the thinking I have been doing.
A guy once told me:
"If your in recovery and you're afraid of drinking, or even thinking about drinking, there is work to be done. You don't have to live that way."

I didn't believe him. Fear kept me sober for a period. Then after 6 relapses I got so scared I surrendered to the process.

c49

Some AA groups will visit DeTox centers... If you ever wanted to be reminded.

ArtofChange

This is also my biggest fear which is why I looked for a website like this so that I can write every day and go back and read how I felt the day after a binge. Its been less than 48 hours and I am already starting to forget and beleive that everything is going to be ok since I only drink every other weekens or so.

So, I am on here reminding myself. :-)

FanofJoeMcQ

My recovery counselor had me write down the basic facts of my life in present tense when I entered counseling. Homeless, living in car that was totalled, pissing my pants and the list went on. I had no idea why. I just did it.

After over a year of counseling, he handed me a typed shrinky dink version of my list, laminated. Told me to carry it with me and look at it once a day. I still have it.
Pretty cool little tool. Passing it on. Smile!
Today, that card is pretty narly...thanks. I think you just helped me figure out what my holiday gift to my recoverying self is this year!!!!!

CAPTAINZING2000

I never fully understood why in the 12 promises it says, we'll not regret the past nor, wish to shut the door on it. After a lot of years, my last drunk is still painful to forget. I'm sure that's why it's in the 12 promises. I forget what caused me to stop drinking, I'll drink again.

Weeza

Drk, I can relate, too, because when I got to my 10 years, everything I ever dreamed for happened for me-- good career, started up a family, got to live abroad and learn a language, travel all over, then when I became a mother it made it difficult to go to meetings so I then started relating with my family as my anchor of sobriety, moving away from service at meetings to service with charities for the homeless and the orphaned. And when things got slippery for me with noticing old defects of character creep in, I'd pop into a meeting and be reminded of where I came from and how I got out of that mess. But when a meeting couldn't be made in the middle of the night, I'd pull out my newcomer "Godbox" and review all the dreams I wished to come my way and be humbled by the miracles that were actualized through living a sober life.

It's been mentioned to visit a detox or rehab sober living home if you need a reminder and I find that really has helped me, too. I'm presently checking up on how newcomer friends are doing today at their sober living home and find that my experiences in recovery have been helpful for these women who feel so lost and trapped. A big buzz I recently experienced was how one woman was able to get her daughter back through my advice and she's now on her way to moving out and being reunited with her daughter.

While I've had some crummy experiences of late with experiencing judgment from my sponsor and homegroup because of a medical condition I have that caused me to go onto pain management post-op surgeries, and I'm told that my 18 years are gone for it and that my pain has been "manufactured" so that I could "justify using drugs," I've tried to do the hard thing and go cold turkey off pain meds for the last two weeks and must say my life has become unmanageable for it-- I can barely walk and the pain is non-stop excruciating. I don't believe for a moment that this pain is a gift nor that I've created it to use, but all the same, I'm trying to give my sponsor and group the benefit of a doubt and follow their direction so go without medication. But all the same, To Thine Own Self Be True really is a golden ticket to sanity.

Inside we know the difference between right and wrong. If today your life, Drk, is good, just go with that and enjoy your life... the program of keeping sober and sane helps us get to that bridge that gets us back to life... at some point if we find we've been cured from the disease of alcoholism and may now live the lives we dreamed to live, then we grow up, we heal, right?

But life is unpredictable and there's no telling what wrench could be tossed our way so hold on to your understanding and blessings, and take comfort in knowing that if bumps come along the way, you'll know the path to freedom and so may backtrack to it.

take care,
Weeza

CAPTAINZING2000

Kind of stumped by this. Someone else is telling you if, you were in pain or not??

thejaywalker

I don't think it sounds odd at all
matter of fact I think its good you are even thinking along these lines. My alcoholic ego always finds a way of reviving itself, and start playing little tricks on me.

I am very fortunate to see many active practicing alcoholics on a daily basis, and whenever I get an urge I can see one of them, and be thankful it's not me today.

It's down right nasty out there for me as a practicing alcoholic, and I pray every day I don't have to go back to it.

If you keep doing what you have been doing to get to a point in your life where it is now good, then it should continue to get better.

least

I have the same problem. I've 'forgotten' how bad it was and gone back to drinking, never for more than a couple days, but it's always cause I'm trying to medicate anxiety or depression. And I know that won't work, yet I still do it. I'm newly sober now and I think I'll start carrying my 24 hour chip with me as a reminder. I need something to reinforce what my head knows but my feelings ignore.

Kjell

Help another struggling alcoholic. You'll be helping yourself too.

Make sure to give back when you can.