Goner

I have never been any good at these forum introductions. This one will be a bit more complicated. I may be at the wrong website. There seems to be no section for "Alcoholic Not In Recovery". In my mind, alcoholics banding together to form a non recovery forum is a bit rediculous.

At this juncture I should mention that since I have labeled myself as an alcoholic I'm showing a large amount of humility. Why is there shame with admitting to a dependancy on alcohol? Idk. Maybe admitting to a flaw and becoming vulnerable isn't an everyday occurence. It is odd.

I told you that I'm not good at this.

Lets get to my situation. Skip to the entree.

Since I was a little grub my parents were seperated and in recovery. My father in a clinic and mother in AA. My older brother and I would tag along most of the time to the AA meetings. Good donuts and coffee! Age thirteen started smoking pot. Blah blah blah. Acid, mushrooms, booze, and then pcp every once in a while. It's not like I had a great record for school to begin with. Since third grade I've had problems with the education system. In the tenth grade I dropped out. As a result of drugs? Idk. Besides two occasions where I didn't drink for a few months, I have drank every day from age sixteen to twenty six.

That is the synopsis of the cliff notes of my life and drugs. I thought my parents was an interesting tidbit. A lot more interesting tidbits left out probably. idk.

I'm not looking for help. I'm not looking to be "recovered". My former sober life is not like a treasured fossil to be dug up, admired, and ventured again. Start life anew? Ha!

I don't know what I'm looking for.

Dee74

I wasn't sure what I wanted when I got here, I sure didn't know what I expected...but I'm glad I did come, and gladder I stayed.

For me, it turned out I did know what I wanted...I think I just was afraid to hope it was possible.

I think it's fair to say very few of us, if any, come here just to hang out...

This site changed my life and I'm thankful for it.

I hope you work out what you want from us
D

CarolD

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum...

Some members do join us....trying to figure out how
to improve their future. I don't think anyone comes
to a site named SoberRecovery because they are
having a wonderful time drinking and drugging...

Wishing you all the best things in life

Kelly927

Goner - a lot of us aren't in recovery, but we're still lurking around and reading, maybe learning, maybe figuring out what we're hanging around here for.

I'm with the others in that I doubt you'd be here if you were satisfied with your life as it is now. I'm right there with ya in terms of not knowing exactly what I'm looking for, but...back to what I just said. I think we *do* know why we're here. We just have to work out all the gazillion details surrounding our desire for something different in our lives.

And hey, if I'm wrong about any of this, my apologies - no intent to offend. Welcome, and I hope you stick around.

Dorie

Glad you're here Goner, hope you'll hang around for a while.

Goner

Thanks for all of the responses and welcomes! No offense at all Kelly.

Sorry for sounding like I'm content with my drinking habits or here to hang out. I'm actually discontent in general about most things.

I have a lot of problems, and probably figured that people with some similar problems could give me some insight.

I'll lurk around and see if I have a place here.

Thnx.

Untoxicated

A number of reasons in my opinion.

Understanding alcoholism has never been better understood yet society still doesn't understand or care to understand "the people that bring doom upon themselves."

As an alcoholic, I'm pretty affected by what people think of me and society's opinion is no different. Logically, I shouldn't care what anyone thinks - but emotionally I do. That's the slippery slope of me as an alcoholic - I claim to care about what people think of me, yet when I drink I don't give a rat's rear about them. So I drink alcohol ("bad" says society) and I don't care ("get lost" says me).

As an alcoholic, I'm extremely proud, self-centered, and egotistical. So having any kind of flaw ESPECIALLY one that puts me in a bad light is simply unacceptable - because I'm perfect.

The list goes on but I just wanted to say thanks for sharing and that the alcoholic shame (for me) probably stems from a big ego with a small self-esteem.

CarolD

Good idea.......Thanks for checking back
Please let us know if you want ouer help.

FBL

Goner, I understand that you don't want to "dig up the past". Let me ask you this, how is your "present"??? Recovery is not about the past, it's about how you can live in the present. After all, the past cannot be changed and the future is not ours yet. Hey, it only took me about 30 years of hard drinking to sort some of this out! The people here have been through it all and can help you along the way. Keep coming back.