tiburon88

Hello everyone I need to vent at the sad state of mental health affairs in this country. A short time ago I was drunk/high & called 911 threatening suicide. The police arrived within minutes and actually took me to the hospital instead of jail. This is where the pathetic state of U.S. health care sets in. I was held in the ER for 2.5 days waiting for a State hospital bed. I lived in the ER against a wall & had no room because of overcrowding. After 70 hours or so I was interviewed by a "social worker" & found fit to go home! I can see my psychiatrist only once every eight weeks. I actually need help far more than AA can provide. No I'm not suicidal right now but getting sober is just too hard.


tiburon

Lenina

tib,

I'm sorry your struggling. Believe me I know how hard it is to get appropriate mental health care in this country.

Getting sober is a difficult thing to do on ones own. I'm glad you are posting again as I was worried for you!

I can you this, my mental health got a lot better once I put down the booze for good. That's not to say I didn't have ups and downs getting there. The first six months were hard! But for some reason the "switch" in my head happened and I no longer have any desire or urges to drink. I wish there was some way to say how this switch got flipped.

Maybe it was just a profound philosophical shift in my thinking. I find myself more grateful today than I had been. I had to let go of the negativity and focus on the more positive things in my life.

Please continue to post here and read the posts of others. Keep an open mind. Booze really messes with the brain chemicals so it might take a while to let it heal. I hope you get some competent help soon.

What recovery programs have you tried? Seriously tried? I found a lot of help from Rational Recovery and AA. If you haven't read the Small Book, please do so. It helped me so much.

Much love to you,

Lenina

Asta1

Tiburon, I'm so sorry for your experience. Not much experience with ER's, but hospitals in general are a really depressing place to be.

Is the once every 8 weeks due to insurance issues? If you really are contemplating suicide (PLEASE DON'T!!!!), CALL YOUR psychiatrist ASAP and explain. I would think that a request could be put thru to insurance to authorize the extra visit. Even if not, isn't your life worth whatever the out-of-pocket cost you may have to pay? OF COURSE IT IS. IT IS ONLY MONEY. YOU CAN GET THAT BACK. CAN'T GET YOUR LIFE BACK ONCE YOU TAKE THAT OTHER STEP. There are also suicide hotlines all over the country staffed by experienced counselors. They're free. Here are 2 toll free hot line #'s: 1-800-784-2433 and 1-800-273-8255. There are also local numbers in Chicago. Google suicide hotline chicago. PLEASE CALL!!!! And do let us know how it went. Even if you don't call, please check in at least once or twice a day to let us know you are OK. I care & I know everyone else on this site cares too.

wanttolive

Tib, so sorry you are having such a hard time. Please get the help you need at whatever cost. You are worth it. Take it from the daughter of a man who did kill himself and it is life changing for more than just you. Call the numbers asta gave you or anything but don't check out yet. Please take care and as was mentioned everything seems worse when you are drinking.

tiburon88

I'm tired of fightning addiction & mental illness. My skin is crawling like crazy & I do this withdrawal over & over again. I keep saying that I'm going to find a church because I believe I'm too sick for AA and had to be "escorted" out after my last meeting. I don't think I meant it but I actually said that I wished everyone in this room would relapse. Yes I was sober too. I erased my whole phone directory in my cell phone. People don't take me seriously anymore & to tell the truth either do I. I received 3 broken ribs because I implied I had a weapon when I dialed 911. I accept that because they treated me okay & were just doing their jobs. I was overjoyed at that result because I knew I would receive pain killers. Of course I had to beg for an X-ray. Thanx for listening many of you have followed my decline for years. The nurses found it amusing that I knew more about detox drugs than they did.


tiburon

sfgirl

That sucks. I can't imagine how frustrating that is.

I don't know if any of this would be helpful or if you have already gone this route and encountered the same cumbersome and frustrating system issues but here are the numbers for the state (IL) and city (Chicago) publicly funded programs and referrals—maybe there are some for dual diagnosis issues:


http://egov.cityofchicago.org/city/w...OID=-536888029

Chicago Health Department Substance abuse treatment referral number#1-800-962-1126 (open M-F 6:30am-5pm)


DHS: Treatment Services
illinois #1-866-213-0548


List of Chicago Treatment Centers=
http://egov.cityofchicago.org/webpor...dersList06.pdf

Asta1

Tiburon, I'm pretty new here so I don't know any of your past. However I did live & work in the CA Bay area for many years. How did you decide on Tiburon88 for a username? Did you live there? I used to take the ferry from SF to Marin all the time, mostly to Sausalito but sometimes to Tiburon too.

BTW, I grew up in Illinois -- in Rockford. My mom still lives there in a retirement home. My dad was an alcoholic too, as is my sister who lives in CA. My dad died a few years ago in his early 80's. Probably would have died a lot soon had he kept up the level of drinking he did in his earlier years. He didn't stop altogether, but never drank in front of my mom. He was a "sneak drinker", just like I was for the last several months. Of course you really can't fool the people you are really close to. Anyway, when I visit mom I always fly into O'Hare and take the bus to Rockford. Ever been to Rockford? Boring!!!

Did you grow up or go to college in Illinois? How did you wind up in Chicago? I had a very close college friend (many years ago -- I'm in my late 50's now) who took a job in downtown Chi town and had a condo in a highrise somewhere near downtown. It was so neat and I was so jealous.

Withdrawals are a bitch. From past experience you know the skin crawling,etc. will end. Try writing down exactly how crappy you feel and the date and time. I started journalizing a while ago, especially when the memory was still fresh of how AWFUL and shaky I felt during withdrawal. Next time when the craving hits you, read it over and read posts from the newcomers here who are going thru the same thing . Maybe your empathy can HELP THEM get thru the suffering. That's one of the main benefits I get from SR that is helping me stay sober. I was a drinker who would, more likely than not, drink till I blacked out or passed out.

You are not alone in this. I really would like to know more about you as indicated above. I'm hitting the sack now (you probably are already there since it is 11:35 PST and 1:35 CST) but please reply tomorrow.
for you.

Bamboozle

Hey, tib.

Sadly the system sucks and the only way to go is with persistence...no matter how many road blocks get put up.

Even in a small town like I live in there are lots of problems with the mental health system. Sometimes I BS with my therapist and one time she was telling me about a local hospital that regularly turns away suicidal people b/c of fill-in-the-blank (no room, thinks the person is fine, etc.). It's sad...and very scary.

Tib, there are people who are willing to help you, though. Keep searching...there are good caring people out there who take their jobs seriously. Hang in there.

Pinkcuda

As you see the responses to your posts are getting fewer and fewer. I guess people are saving their keystrokes for someone who would help himself as much as he expects the rest of the world to help him. It's directly proportionate you know!
I'll admit that your life must be very difficult. Especially the part where you have to type while sticking your fingers in your ears as to not hear what's being said.

CarolD

I certainly hope you find a way to get clean and sober.

I'm a big fan of the free Salvation Army's
various programs. My adult son is finally doing very
well with their assistance.

Clutch B

So are you done yet?

tiburon88

You Pinkcuda are a perfect example of why I don't listen to AA folks. You must enjoy relishing in other peoples misery. I believe u are a very unhappy individual and will put u on ignore. Please do the same with me.

tiburon

CarolD

Hmm...
how about responding to the post that are
concerned about you?

You joined us in Nov. 06...and you have had
countless members share with you.

What more is there to say that has not been said?
I simply don't know....

tiburon88

I agree Carol Salvation Army has a decent program. I was in it in 2004. However, they usually don't do detox.


tiburon

CarolD

That has not been true in my expereince
I've taken drunks to their de tox centers
in several locations.

They usually stay 4 days....for de tox.
Then they may or may not be accepted for
other programs.

Call the Chicago Sally and ask for de tox centers
thats what I would do....

Pinkcuda

I'm in good company since you don't seem to listen to anybody. You must enjoy relishing in your own mysery too. As far as puting me on ignore??? Why not?? You have been ignoring any and all advise you've received since you've been here and judging by the sheer volume of replys to this post, everybody's ignoring you anyways.

Keep up the good work!!! Your fortitude is absolutley stunning and you're an inspiration to all those that try to achieve sobriety.

tiburon88

Now u digging at me because not enough people are responding to my post. Don't you get it? I could care less about your advice or what you think of me. U love to stick it to me when I have already been beaten down. I admit I hate myself but I also have a strong dislike towards you. You probably hurt more newcomers in recovery than help them.

tiburon

tiburon88

One more thing Cuda. Why don't you brag about how long you've been sober? I'm sure that will make you feel better than other folks around here.


tiburon

Lenina

tib,

I'm really very concerned for you. I'm worried you have a very gruesome death facing you and it doesn't have to be that way! I think CarolD's suggestions are good one for you.

You seem so very angry at yourself. Can you be just a little gentle with you? Take one of the lifelines you've been offered. Give it an honest chance.

Just so you know, you're in my best thoughts.

Love,

Lenina

Bamboozle

Pink, you don't have to respond. SR is for the people who are struggling...if you don't want to help tib you don't have to. What is the point of your post other than to flame?

There's a reason tib sticks around.

Most people who get into recovery take a ways to get there...and there are people here who may not be sober/clean all the time but have been able to reduce the amount they use. That’s important…and some of these people have been able to recover.

You can get frustrated with tib all you like....but that does not help.

I've been frustrated with people at times...but I do well to remember how hard it's been for me to get sober (oh...how many times I've fallen)...and I'm also cognizant enough to realize that no one in recovery is safe no matter how much time one has and no matter how well someone lives a ‘recovered life’.

People have put up with me...the least I can do is the same for others.