Ninsuna

The past few days I have had a few bouts of sadness, mostly over a relationship that has ended. I feel like crying but the tears won't come. I'm wanting to have a good, long cry and get it out of my system...my thoughts have even gone back to the many nights I spent sobbing uncontrollably after a couple of bottles of wine fondly. How perverse is that?
I don't like having thoughts like that, but I do know drinking relieved that "bottled up" feeling. There is rage, sadness sitting there that I can't seem to actually feel but taints my attempts to be genuine and connect with others. Am I making sense? Can anyone relate?

Apologies for the title, I can't seem to actually be vulnerable/serious without also being a little cheeky.

cambridge

Hi Ninsuna - I can understand. i think it is that for some people alcohol exaggerates the feelings that you already have. Did for me at least. I have heard some people in AA talk about how they didn't feel anything and were emotionally dead when drinking, but I was the opposite. Highs and Lows. Sobbing in my beer over a broken relationship, whatever.

I know it must be frustrating not to be able to let out your emotions, and I really don't have any advice. Just thought I'd say I understand how you feel and I hope it gets better. Maybe listen to some music or do something else that induces an emotional state if you really want. I've become hooked on journaling recently, maybe that would help you at least put to paper how you are feeling and get it out another way.

skid650

do you have a friend you can call? sometimes when i feel "numb" or in need of a catharsis, the sound of a friend who cares brings it out.

just another tactic.

hang in . . . maybe what you interpret as "bottled up" (btw: i love the pun), is really strength that you haven't recognized.

Sugah

Peace & Love,
Sugah

ClosetExtrovert

Watch a good sad movie. That always gets the damn to break for me.

I'm sorry you're hurting. xxoxoxo

coffeenut

Alcohol masked all feeling for me. I needed it to function...once I got sober I had to learn how to feel, at the very basic level.

For the first couple of months of sobriety I journeled. Helped to get those feelings out, revisit them and put them in their 'proper' spot.

barb dwyer

Your story sounded sort of familiar to my own experience after losing a boyfriend to alcohol. Drinking let me grieve, all right - but it did NOT let me move on.

I'vew an intimate understanding of the word 'maudlin'.
"the kind of repetetive depression that comes from drinking alcohol' or something like that.

And it took me to an altogether new low.
Morally, emotionally, and spiritually.

So I understand what you're saying about realizing how sick it was
to use alcohol to get good and soppy about it.

There's many things we become embarassed about
that we thought were 'normal'
when we were self-sedated with alcohol.

For me,
that's wehre the Program has made all the difference.
I'm able to experience something
(and man - I've really been *experiencing* stuff lately-LOL)
fully feel it
and then move on
by doing the first right thing.

Good for you to realize this for yourself!