my story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 15
I am new to the forum. I have been drinking since the age of 15. 12 yrs of drinking so far. I started off by binging on the weekends until it steadily became more often to daily. Despite of my drinking hobby I managed to graduate *** laude from college, I passed my state exams and I even finished graduate school. I also have a career in which I am pretty successful in.
I have never been in denial to the fact that I am an alcoholic, and if my health would permit I would continue drinking everyday. In my earlier twenties I would sit and think and try to dissect to as why I would drink. I came to the conclusion that I have always had a very deep sadness in my soul that I would drown with the alcohol. I don’t know the exact cause of it but maybe it could have been my early adolescence. the friends I hung out with or maybe even my parent’s divorce which caused me a lot of pain. Despite these reasons I believe there has been a deeper reason for which I have no explanation for. Many situations and coincidences in life have always made me a believer in GOD, but sometimes seeing how f@#ked up this world is and how f@#ked up people in this world can be has made me doubt any GOD and has increased my sadness even further. Many relationships I have had with women have not worked out but I don’t want to blame alcohol completely but I know it was part of it.
My health problems began with anxiety attacks and tremors which would lead me to the hospital many times. I was given xanax but I know that is another problem itself. About a year ago after about a 4 day/750mlbottle a day of vodka binge I had just woken up on a Saturday morning and began vomiting, a few moments later I felt a pain in my upper abdomen unlike any pain I have ever felt before. I was taken to the emergency room and I was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis. The doctor told me to stop drinking it kept me sober for about 2 weeks. I continued to drink but more conservatively. About 2 months after my pancreas inflammation I got everything checked by a GI, ct scans with contrast of every organ, blood tests of every kind, and the doctor told me I am as healthy as can be… (GOD maybe)
Since then I have tried to drink moderately but as we all know those 2 or 3 beers usually turn in to 25-30 beers. Last week I went for a happy hour and ended up with a 3 day binge. I felt horible after anxiety bloating and even some pains in my stomach. Well the good news is I have decided to quit maybe cold turkey for now but I don’t know??
If I keep drinking I know that I am going live a short life.
I have never been in denial to the fact that I am an alcoholic, and if my health would permit I would continue drinking everyday. In my earlier twenties I would sit and think and try to dissect to as why I would drink. I came to the conclusion that I have always had a very deep sadness in my soul that I would drown with the alcohol. I don’t know the exact cause of it but maybe it could have been my early adolescence. the friends I hung out with or maybe even my parent’s divorce which caused me a lot of pain. Despite these reasons I believe there has been a deeper reason for which I have no explanation for. Many situations and coincidences in life have always made me a believer in GOD, but sometimes seeing how f@#ked up this world is and how f@#ked up people in this world can be has made me doubt any GOD and has increased my sadness even further. Many relationships I have had with women have not worked out but I don’t want to blame alcohol completely but I know it was part of it.
My health problems began with anxiety attacks and tremors which would lead me to the hospital many times. I was given xanax but I know that is another problem itself. About a year ago after about a 4 day/750mlbottle a day of vodka binge I had just woken up on a Saturday morning and began vomiting, a few moments later I felt a pain in my upper abdomen unlike any pain I have ever felt before. I was taken to the emergency room and I was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis. The doctor told me to stop drinking it kept me sober for about 2 weeks. I continued to drink but more conservatively. About 2 months after my pancreas inflammation I got everything checked by a GI, ct scans with contrast of every organ, blood tests of every kind, and the doctor told me I am as healthy as can be… (GOD maybe)
Since then I have tried to drink moderately but as we all know those 2 or 3 beers usually turn in to 25-30 beers. Last week I went for a happy hour and ended up with a 3 day binge. I felt horible after anxiety bloating and even some pains in my stomach. Well the good news is I have decided to quit maybe cold turkey for now but I don’t know??
If I keep drinking I know that I am going live a short life.
Last edited by av001; 10-01-2009 at 11:35 AM.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Hi av001, glad you got your story posted and welcome to SR.
Cold-turkey worked for me, but please don't do it without supervision if possible, see your doctor first and read this too http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Cold-turkey worked for me, but please don't do it without supervision if possible, see your doctor first and read this too http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
av001,
Welcome. I read your story. Why is it that you believe you are an alcoholic?
I'm asking because an understanding of what that means is helpful in taking the first of AA's 12 steps. Are you interested in that? Because when it's all said and done, and after all the various advice has been thrown your way, and various ways of not drinking are discussed, and regardless of what sounds attractive, it will be important to know how you respond to alcohol.
Welcome. I read your story. Why is it that you believe you are an alcoholic?
I'm asking because an understanding of what that means is helpful in taking the first of AA's 12 steps. Are you interested in that? Because when it's all said and done, and after all the various advice has been thrown your way, and various ways of not drinking are discussed, and regardless of what sounds attractive, it will be important to know how you respond to alcohol.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Congratulations on your first week, I've heard and do believe that the first few days are the roughest. Abstinence works at first, but I've found it helpful to have support and a plan for my recovery. I've used AA for a few years and hope you'll find something that works for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello and welcome to sr....i identify with a lot of those feelings you describe,,but since i got sober and got on the 12 step recovery programme of alcoholics anonymous i realised that all those feelings were because i am an alcoholic,,,,then add booze into the mix and i was screwed!,,,AA is not for everyone but have you ever considered it? i tried to moderate my drinking for years and always tried "one more time" to drink like normal drinkers,,,in the end i was on my knees and utterly beat.the great obsession has left me and i have a life now i never thought possible,there is lots and lots of great folk on sr to give advice and tell their stories,i have found it an invaluable tool in my recovery.please keep posting,i have found many answers here.i wish you well.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Your spiritual beliefs & strong desire to quit drinking appear to make you a good fit for AA.
I'm going through my own difficulties right now and this perspective crosses my mind quite often. But, simply put, it is NOT TRUE. There are many good people in this world willing to help you & we have so much to be grateful for.
I am working the 12 steps, talking to trusted people, & seeing a counsellor (recently diagnosed with moderate-medium depression). Still sober, one day at a time!
seeing how f@#ked up this world is and how f@#ked up people in this world can be has made me doubt any GOD and has increased my sadness even further.
I am working the 12 steps, talking to trusted people, & seeing a counsellor (recently diagnosed with moderate-medium depression). Still sober, one day at a time!
you will find a lot of understanding & support here.Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Hi Av and welcome to SR. When I first came around the rooms of AA someone said,
its not the 2nd, 3rd or 4th drink that gets you drunk its the 1st,
and at first I couldn't understand that because I was fine with one drink
but I never ever stopped at one.
So today I do not take that 1st drink.
Good luck with your recovery.
its not the 2nd, 3rd or 4th drink that gets you drunk its the 1st,
and at first I couldn't understand that because I was fine with one drink
but I never ever stopped at one.
So today I do not take that 1st drink.
Good luck with your recovery.
Well, I'm on my way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 276
Why not give sobriety a shot? You might find you enjoy it. The world isn't any less #!&&ed up when you drink. You can do more in your little corner of it when you're sober. Good luck to you and WELCOME!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
[QUOTE=av001;2385966]
Welcome!!!
Some of the best advice I was ever given-don't compare.
The fact is, when I was drinking, I would find someone-someone like you, perhaps-to compare my drinking with, and come to the erroneous conclusion, I wasn't an alcoholic because I didn't drink as much as they did.
Yet.
Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Originally Posted by keithj 
av001,
Welcome. I read your story. Why is it that you believe you are an alcoholic?
I cannot drink in moderation. once i start there is no end
Welcome. I read your story. Why is it that you believe you are an alcoholic?
I cannot drink in moderation. once i start there is no end
Welcome!!!
Some of the best advice I was ever given-don't compare.
The fact is, when I was drinking, I would find someone-someone like you, perhaps-to compare my drinking with, and come to the erroneous conclusion, I wasn't an alcoholic because I didn't drink as much as they did.
Yet.
Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum...
My active alcoholism manifest itself in depression.
When diagnosed with situational depression my doctor
suggested AA. Rather quickly....my depression began to
lessen.....by the end of 2 months it vanished.
Has never returned...no meds needed.
I certainly hope you will find the same results.....
Why not give yourself a chance at a better future?
My active alcoholism manifest itself in depression.
When diagnosed with situational depression my doctor
suggested AA. Rather quickly....my depression began to
lessen.....by the end of 2 months it vanished.
Has never returned...no meds needed.
I certainly hope you will find the same results.....
Why not give yourself a chance at a better future?
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