debs

Things have been WONDERFUL...

I had the craziest experiences this week...

First I kicked out the enabling roommate who was actually GOING to the beer store for me............................ yeah. THAT'LL work...

Anyway, he was gone, and the next problem was my job- I'm a waitress.. I serve alcohol. I work with a bunch of 18-20 somethings that all love to party....

Recipe for disaster.

Anyway, I fought the good fight up until this past Monday night...

After I'd been bombarded with every temptation possible there at work, I found myself thinking this thru:

'Ok, I can work just a couple hours to get a few dollars so I can run to the liquor store and get that big bottle of vodka... soooo... I need 12 bucks... once I have that money, I'll try to get out of here early so I can get to the store before they close at 9..... butttttt if I can't make it by then, I'll just go after 9 and I can still buy some wine... I'll go by the bar and get enough buzz goin that will make the wine 'work' then I can get up and get my vodka by 10 in the morning.'

I mean........... I thought this over long and hard ... over and over...

Then it was like I stepped outside my body, looked back, and a light came on- this is INSANITY!!!!!!!!...

At that moment I decided that my job, NO job would be worth me losing my sobriety over... I finished out the tables I had and calmly walked back to the back and told my boss (who happens to also be a close friend) and told him that I had to resign. He knows about my alcoholism and he fully supported my decision, respected it, and told me to put him down as a reference for any job I might look for.

So that was it.

I left... in tears... shaking... just wanting to get home so I could get away from the triggers... and I surVIVED that battle...

Just seems like every day after that this week has been wonderful. Everything's falling into place.

Maybe sometimes the kicker is just gettin some of those outside influences out of my life...

I don't have any friends now... Not locally anyway...

I left all of that behind with the restaurant.

And ya know what?

I'm OK with that.

I'm just more content than I have been in a VERY long time. Alcohol hasn't even hardly entered my mind this week .... an odd craving here and there but NOTHING like it was just a week ago...

My home feels more welcoming and warm... my family sees a HUGE improvement in everything in my life, as do I...

Things are just really starting to calm down and fall into place for the first time..... ever, really...

I'm unemployed, but have an interview monday morning first thing... and the craziest part is I'm honestly not worried. I know God will provide for me because I know He led me to take the steps I needed to take this week to rid of the bad influences.

I tell ya... contentment feels great!

Dee74

Good luck with your interview Debs
I'm so glad this week has been a better one for you.

D

sailorjohn

Glad to hear you're doing well. It does get better!

CarolD

Mega Debs

My last waitress job....was in a restaurant that did not serve alcohol.
While the tips were smaller....so was the stress ....

Good to know you are on the up swing.

David 1

WOW!! Sounds a lot like (the old) me! I used to be very calculating when it came to getting alcohol.

I echo what sailorjohn said; life becomes amazing again, no hangovers, you have a clear mind, hope/optimism returns, decisions are easier, it is much easier to deal with life's challenges. I could go on but you are starting to get the point.

But be careful, there is a kind of euphoria at first that will wane and our little alcoholic voice can be cunning.

Watch the triggers, get support and keep going one day at a time!

What is the job you are interviewing for?

Dave

Rad44

Wow Debs. I can't tell you how proud I am of you for surviving this. I used to make these (effed up) Relapse "Plans" all the time. Whenever I followed through with one it was an immediate catastrophic disaster. Not a single time did one even turn out so-so.

Now I catch my obsessive thinking when my Alcoholic Brain tries to sneak in yet another Relapse Plan and dismiss it as being absurd. Once the crisis has passed, I like to imagine the Parallel Universe where I did succumb to my lying Alcoholic urges and just how miserable I would have been. The relief for the horrendous suffering that I spared myself by NOT Drinking is a reward in itself.

Keep up the the Great Work Debs. It's clear you are getting stronger every day.

TheSunAlsoRises

Good for you... yeah as relived as you might have been for 5 minutes after carrying out that plan we all know where it will end for us... Your doing great. Good luck on your job interview.

Clayton

wanttolive

Good for you Debs! It's so good to hear the positivity in your 'voice' again!

Good luck with your interview!