Fear
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 107
Fear
Hi there
I have been drinking heavily for years, the last four years it has been daily.
I was drinking a bottle ocheap vodka and some beers daily (maybe a mickey of gin as well )(every other day)
I was hospitalised three times and had the blood work done etc...had pancreatitus twice and blown the lining in my stomach twice.
Found out that the vodka i was drinking was loaded with methanol. took two months sober, relapsed
So after all that I cut down to 12 beers per day on average) and shorts in bars just on weekends with my wife...
my question is this...I really want to quit, but I am so scared...
When I drink I can go outside, when I dont drink I always feel theres someone or something out to get me??? I am constantly staying inside and I dont have the resouces to go to meetings in the country I live in right now.
I hear people speaking of fear as fear itself...but I really feel that someone is gonna kick in the door at any second if I dont drink, I have all the blinds down, I think everyone on the street is looking at me etc...its crazy???
But as soon as I drink I feel I dont care or become numb.
I have only drank 7 beers per day at the start of this week and yesterday it was just five ,today two and I want to be 24 hours clean by saturday...
Can anyone share their stories of fear with me, cause i aint feeling any better by myself right now...feels like i am going nuts..
Any replies would be much needed
Thanks
I have been drinking heavily for years, the last four years it has been daily.
I was drinking a bottle ocheap vodka and some beers daily (maybe a mickey of gin as well )(every other day)
I was hospitalised three times and had the blood work done etc...had pancreatitus twice and blown the lining in my stomach twice.
Found out that the vodka i was drinking was loaded with methanol. took two months sober, relapsed
So after all that I cut down to 12 beers per day on average) and shorts in bars just on weekends with my wife...
my question is this...I really want to quit, but I am so scared...
When I drink I can go outside, when I dont drink I always feel theres someone or something out to get me??? I am constantly staying inside and I dont have the resouces to go to meetings in the country I live in right now.
I hear people speaking of fear as fear itself...but I really feel that someone is gonna kick in the door at any second if I dont drink, I have all the blinds down, I think everyone on the street is looking at me etc...its crazy???
But as soon as I drink I feel I dont care or become numb.
I have only drank 7 beers per day at the start of this week and yesterday it was just five ,today two and I want to be 24 hours clean by saturday...
Can anyone share their stories of fear with me, cause i aint feeling any better by myself right now...feels like i am going nuts..
Any replies would be much needed
Thanks
Last edited by whatevername; 09-17-2009 at 06:39 AM. Reason: typos
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
oh sure i get you.
high anxiety...deep unfounded fears....paranoid...
with my experience it went away getting less and less with each day.
It would be a good idea to run it past the doctor...tell them your plan and what youve been drinking..
high anxiety...deep unfounded fears....paranoid...
with my experience it went away getting less and less with each day.
It would be a good idea to run it past the doctor...tell them your plan and what youve been drinking..
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...
Many of us became paranoid from drinking.
I certainly did. I remember walking to work
a busy city street ...thinking ...
"He knows I've been drinking" She can smell the alcohol"
I also began seeing blood instead of water when I showered.
Hearing sounds not there...a radio or voices talking about me.
By then...the end of my drinking...fear and depression were daily.
The good news ...for me...once I quit...within a very short
time I no longer had those incidents of fear
I truly believe I saved my sanity with AA recovery.
Hope you will find a way to move into health and serenity.
Many of us became paranoid from drinking.
I certainly did. I remember walking to work
a busy city street ...thinking ...
"He knows I've been drinking" She can smell the alcohol"
I also began seeing blood instead of water when I showered.
Hearing sounds not there...a radio or voices talking about me.
By then...the end of my drinking...fear and depression were daily.
The good news ...for me...once I quit...within a very short
time I no longer had those incidents of fear
I truly believe I saved my sanity with AA recovery.
Hope you will find a way to move into health and serenity.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
ouch I remember that paranoia that came, the irrational thinking, hallucinations almost.. usually when I'd detox a little from all the drinking I was doing. I am pretty convinced I was destroying some pretty important parts of my brain.
Rather than sharing a story of fear with you, I'll give you a message of hope. Once I quit drinking, and stay quit for a while.. I have never ever experienced feeling like that again.
Rather than sharing a story of fear with you, I'll give you a message of hope. Once I quit drinking, and stay quit for a while.. I have never ever experienced feeling like that again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi whatevername - welcome to SR 
I'm not going to share any stories either just to say I've been there - both with paranoia, and the more general fear of change and the thought of not drinking.
It does get better - but we have to make that leap of faith and give up the booze first.
One day at a time is all we have to commit to tho...small steps
Please do see your dr, whatevername
D
I'm not going to share any stories either
just to say I've been there - both with paranoia, and the more general fear of change and the thought of not drinking. It does get better - but we have to make that leap of faith and give up the booze first.
One day at a time is all we have to commit to tho...small steps
Please do see your dr, whatevername
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 158
My nerves were so frayed or my biochemistry was so out of whack (however you want to phrase it) that I was so paralyzed with fear near the end of my drinking that not only ddi I not leave the house each day until I got my daily "cure", but it felt like was either going to implode or every atom in my body was going to fly apart.
But to echo what's been said, after stopping (medically supervised detox) and a few weeks of sobriety, those feelings were but a memory.
I drank for 22 years -- the last one being completely off the rails. It's totally, totally possible for anyone to feel great and free again. Or like me, maybe not again, but for the first time really ever.
Chris
But to echo what's been said, after stopping (medically supervised detox) and a few weeks of sobriety, those feelings were but a memory.
I drank for 22 years -- the last one being completely off the rails. It's totally, totally possible for anyone to feel great and free again. Or like me, maybe not again, but for the first time really ever.
Chris
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 107
Thanks all I am well on my way to start anew, still scared as sH** but working it now.
Thanks for all your replies and words of encouragement, every little bit counts...
I have been to my doctor and basically he said 'quit' offerred me pills but they never work..not on me.
Funny you should mention blood coming from a shower...i have thought about that too, iwas so scared I was thinking it was going to happen!!!And one time the tumble dryer was on and that sounded like people talking about me, another thing is dogs, as in pets...they always bark at me and my fear, doesnt matter what dog it is, everytime i walk by one it checks me out and i never look it in the eyes, cause when i do it gets right agitated...
anyways I could go on and on about different things that freak me out, too many to list...and I consider myself to be a bigger guy at fourty...who should be able to handle himself and figure this all out...
I again thank you all for your replies and I will hold on to the hope it goes away (again)...crazy, i know it gets better but just dont believe it when I say it to myself...well I will just keep (literally) sweating this one out and freaking out for the next coupla days...
I will post more in this forum as I level out, thanks
absolutley evil this alcoholisum.
Thanks for all your replies and words of encouragement, every little bit counts...
I have been to my doctor and basically he said 'quit' offerred me pills but they never work..not on me.
Funny you should mention blood coming from a shower...i have thought about that too, iwas so scared I was thinking it was going to happen!!!And one time the tumble dryer was on and that sounded like people talking about me, another thing is dogs, as in pets...they always bark at me and my fear, doesnt matter what dog it is, everytime i walk by one it checks me out and i never look it in the eyes, cause when i do it gets right agitated...
anyways I could go on and on about different things that freak me out, too many to list...and I consider myself to be a bigger guy at fourty...who should be able to handle himself and figure this all out...
I again thank you all for your replies and I will hold on to the hope it goes away (again)...crazy, i know it gets better but just dont believe it when I say it to myself...well I will just keep (literally) sweating this one out and freaking out for the next coupla days...
I will post more in this forum as I level out, thanks
absolutley evil this alcoholisum.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: rochester ny
Posts: 164
Your suffering from DTs...if it gets really bad it can be very harmful for you to just stop cold turkey. If you cant get to a detox facility, go to the hospital. You need your doctor to help you out here...I would keep in touch with him.
The physical stuff will go away after a few days. Then you can begin your recovery.
Meetings, prayer, etc will not take away your withdrawal symptoms.
The physical stuff will go away after a few days. Then you can begin your recovery.
Meetings, prayer, etc will not take away your withdrawal symptoms.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Hey, welcome to SR.
So -- not sure if I caught this in the thread or not, but is this it? Are you planning on stopping and staying stopped?
If so, I strongly advise medical assistance with the physical aspect of getting sober, for sure. Whether this is a doctor or a detox center, just get some help and don't just go through withdrawals on your own...
Then, call Alcoholics Anonymous and get to a meeting. (it's never what you think)... don't drink. Get to another meeting. don't drink. Repeat this process... find someone in AA who will sponsor you and get to work on recovery. This is where you will find the emotional, mental and spiritual sobriety -- and lots of help with that fear.
Again, welcome and stay tuned!
NMB
So -- not sure if I caught this in the thread or not, but is this it? Are you planning on stopping and staying stopped?
If so, I strongly advise medical assistance with the physical aspect of getting sober, for sure. Whether this is a doctor or a detox center, just get some help and don't just go through withdrawals on your own...
Then, call Alcoholics Anonymous and get to a meeting. (it's never what you think)... don't drink. Get to another meeting. don't drink. Repeat this process... find someone in AA who will sponsor you and get to work on recovery. This is where you will find the emotional, mental and spiritual sobriety -- and lots of help with that fear.
Again, welcome and stay tuned!
NMB
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