Sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 9
Sober
Dropping by after a long absence to say that as of August 14, 2009 I'm ten years sober.
I aimed for it, the ten year mark, one day at a time.
I imagined being able to say, "Yup, it's been ten years since I had a drink." I wanted to be able to say it. So... I came back here to say it. "I did it !!!! I did it !!!! I'm so proud of myself !!!"
I heard years ago that relapse is less likely after ten years and then even less likely after fifteen and so on, but reaching a goal can be a strange unexpected time of losing track of direction.
I recall in years gone by, I quit for a year at least once before. I was so happy that I gotten to that point, a year sober... that I had a drink to celebrate. Yes, really. I think I planned to have the one and that probably turned into eight to ten years. Gee -- strange how that has the ring of a prison sentence. Yes, I got eight to ten for dumb behaviour.
When I finally quit ten years ago, part of it had to do with just being bored of the stopping and starting. It was whittling away my energy to keep failing.
I posted my news in a few places online and got messages back from people I didn't know were non drinkers; people saying how long they'd been sober. One guy on facebook said he'd been sober twelve years the first time and now five years. I was curious how and why he started drinking after twelve years. I was thinking -- I don't really know this guy, but I want to ask him. Through my experiences here on Sober Recovery I felt it was OK to ask him the question directly. His relapse had to do with not having any strategies in place and he just sort of slipped and drank in a social situation. He asked me about my strategies and I wrote out a few approaches -- and felt like I'd reviewed things I hadn't thought about for a while. Useful things.
There's something a little weird about aiming for a day -- the ten year point -- and reaching it. It is both satisfying and slightly destabilizing. For myself, I am no where near having a drink, but something has shifted and that's the other reason I'm re-connecting here. The act of writing this out is helpful to me -- learning a bit more about the sense of being a bit at sea, adrift, now that I've met my goal of ten years.
So, thanks for being here Sober Recovery. Onward after the goal is met is not the same, not as exciting as using the goal to maintain sobriety. Again, this isn't a matter of nearly drinking, it's just a comment on recognizing that the work is there to do, as it shifts into a new framework. I need to be aware of where I'm at -- not seeing myself as having completed a process and feeling safe. That's the strange new feeling I have -- freefalling beyond the ten year mark.
In many ways, things didn't get better after quitting, but they sure got easier. That is to say, I discovered it wasn't a good idea to expect everything in life to improve once sober. When things didn't automatically get better, it seemed like not drinking wasn't helping, wasn't working. In that state of mind, it seemed like returning to drinking was a viable option.
Easier means -- no more hang overs, less guilt and shame, confidence and health improving. An easier time being a human -- but, I wonder, as maybe many do, maybe I have fixed enough about myself that I could have a glass and leave it at that. The memories fade and all the improvements I made seem so inherently me; it's almost too hard to believe that I, the new me, would not be able to control my drinking. See? -- lots of fresh challenges along the way.
Here too, in this regard, reading posts on Sober Recovery is helpful in recognizing types of thinking that arrive. A heads up -- seeing that others have had to deal with similar things makes it easier to understand patterns of thought and appropriate reactions and responses.
Overall, in these ten years, I've had a really interesting time figuring out and understanding why I drank.
I hope that something here was useful or inspiring ...or funny.
Hang in there -- it is worth it !!!
Jean
I aimed for it, the ten year mark, one day at a time.
I imagined being able to say, "Yup, it's been ten years since I had a drink." I wanted to be able to say it. So... I came back here to say it. "I did it !!!! I did it !!!! I'm so proud of myself !!!"
I heard years ago that relapse is less likely after ten years and then even less likely after fifteen and so on, but reaching a goal can be a strange unexpected time of losing track of direction.
I recall in years gone by, I quit for a year at least once before. I was so happy that I gotten to that point, a year sober... that I had a drink to celebrate. Yes, really. I think I planned to have the one and that probably turned into eight to ten years. Gee -- strange how that has the ring of a prison sentence. Yes, I got eight to ten for dumb behaviour.
When I finally quit ten years ago, part of it had to do with just being bored of the stopping and starting. It was whittling away my energy to keep failing.
I posted my news in a few places online and got messages back from people I didn't know were non drinkers; people saying how long they'd been sober. One guy on facebook said he'd been sober twelve years the first time and now five years. I was curious how and why he started drinking after twelve years. I was thinking -- I don't really know this guy, but I want to ask him. Through my experiences here on Sober Recovery I felt it was OK to ask him the question directly. His relapse had to do with not having any strategies in place and he just sort of slipped and drank in a social situation. He asked me about my strategies and I wrote out a few approaches -- and felt like I'd reviewed things I hadn't thought about for a while. Useful things.
There's something a little weird about aiming for a day -- the ten year point -- and reaching it. It is both satisfying and slightly destabilizing. For myself, I am no where near having a drink, but something has shifted and that's the other reason I'm re-connecting here. The act of writing this out is helpful to me -- learning a bit more about the sense of being a bit at sea, adrift, now that I've met my goal of ten years.
So, thanks for being here Sober Recovery. Onward after the goal is met is not the same, not as exciting as using the goal to maintain sobriety. Again, this isn't a matter of nearly drinking, it's just a comment on recognizing that the work is there to do, as it shifts into a new framework. I need to be aware of where I'm at -- not seeing myself as having completed a process and feeling safe. That's the strange new feeling I have -- freefalling beyond the ten year mark.
In many ways, things didn't get better after quitting, but they sure got easier. That is to say, I discovered it wasn't a good idea to expect everything in life to improve once sober. When things didn't automatically get better, it seemed like not drinking wasn't helping, wasn't working. In that state of mind, it seemed like returning to drinking was a viable option.
Easier means -- no more hang overs, less guilt and shame, confidence and health improving. An easier time being a human -- but, I wonder, as maybe many do, maybe I have fixed enough about myself that I could have a glass and leave it at that. The memories fade and all the improvements I made seem so inherently me; it's almost too hard to believe that I, the new me, would not be able to control my drinking. See? -- lots of fresh challenges along the way.
Here too, in this regard, reading posts on Sober Recovery is helpful in recognizing types of thinking that arrive. A heads up -- seeing that others have had to deal with similar things makes it easier to understand patterns of thought and appropriate reactions and responses.
Overall, in these ten years, I've had a really interesting time figuring out and understanding why I drank.
I hope that something here was useful or inspiring ...or funny.
Hang in there -- it is worth it !!!
Jean
Last edited by clipframe; 09-04-2009 at 10:00 PM.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Wow. Thanks. Especially for the parts about how life don't get better, but it gets easier. I can't comprehend 10 years sober, honestly not even gonna try (I got 2 months once a long time ago), but the better/easier thing was well explained and very timely for me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Hello Jean
I think your memory has dulled over the 10 year period.
I have only been sober 5 months, and trust me on this one. It got WAAYYYY better.
I drank on my way home from work every day I was usually breaking the law past the 3 mile mark (lots of stoplights) of a 30 mile ride home. I blacked out every night. Gathered up the stray beercans every morning, and did it all over again. I never could go any where because I was or (was going to get) to drunk to do anything. I couldn't even go to a beer joint because I would get too drunk. Thats just the tip of the iceburg. But I always did my job exceptionally well because I knew I needed to to support my habit.
Yes I have already forgotten some of that in 5 short months, but thats why I keep hanging out here and at AA meetings. My alcoholic mind forgets that stuff pretty quick.
I think you should set yourself a new goal for another 10 years
I am not trying to make light of your 10 years sober. That truely is something to be proud of and I would like to congratulate you and wish you 10 more.
Fred
I think your memory has dulled over the 10 year period.
I have only been sober 5 months, and trust me on this one. It got WAAYYYY better.
I drank on my way home from work every day I was usually breaking the law past the 3 mile mark (lots of stoplights) of a 30 mile ride home. I blacked out every night. Gathered up the stray beercans every morning, and did it all over again. I never could go any where because I was or (was going to get) to drunk to do anything. I couldn't even go to a beer joint because I would get too drunk. Thats just the tip of the iceburg. But I always did my job exceptionally well because I knew I needed to to support my habit.
Yes I have already forgotten some of that in 5 short months, but thats why I keep hanging out here and at AA meetings. My alcoholic mind forgets that stuff pretty quick.
I think you should set yourself a new goal for another 10 years
I am not trying to make light of your 10 years sober. That truely is something to be proud of and I would like to congratulate you and wish you 10 more.
Fred
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 9
Your story is not my story Fred. By all means tell your story whenever and wherever you can and want, but there is no need to insult me in the process.
I'm not here to be told my memory of my has dulled by someone who doesn't know me. That is absurd.
I'm not here to defend myself.
My life did not get better when I quit drinking as I had hoped it would. It got easier, but not better.
Jean
I'm not here to be told my memory of my has dulled by someone who doesn't know me. That is absurd.
I'm not here to defend myself.
My life did not get better when I quit drinking as I had hoped it would. It got easier, but not better.
Jean
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi Jean, thank you so much for your post & congratulations on your 10 years 
I am also from Vancouver (love it here).
I am still pretty newly sober & get what your saying, a lot of us expect things to all magically get better right away because we stopped drinking. Then the posts about "how long until things get better" start.
I know that I have a lot of living, growing & learning to make up for my many years of alcohol abuse. My life was/is good but the alcohol started to slowly creep into my everyday life & my off switch got more & more blurry (actually I don't think I had an off switch for quite a while)
Today its me that is a little blurry, its like putting on a pair of glasses for the first time. Yes, everything looks clearer & brighter but you still have the same things to deal with without blaming it on your eyesight/alcoholism anymore. No buzz to delay or escape from reality for a while. Real life head on... what the heck have I got myself into lol
Sorry for rambling, I really just wanted to welcome you back & congratulate you and your post inspired me. I hope & pray that I can one day post that I have achieved the 10 year mark.
Take care & all of the best (on this rainy day in Vancouver ;-)
NB
I am also from Vancouver (love it here).I am still pretty newly sober & get what your saying, a lot of us expect things to all magically get better right away because we stopped drinking. Then the posts about "how long until things get better" start.
I know that I have a lot of living, growing & learning to make up for my many years of alcohol abuse. My life was/is good but the alcohol started to slowly creep into my everyday life & my off switch got more & more blurry (actually I don't think I had an off switch for quite a while)
Today its me that is a little blurry, its like putting on a pair of glasses for the first time. Yes, everything looks clearer & brighter but you still have the same things to deal with without blaming it on your eyesight/alcoholism anymore. No buzz to delay or escape from reality for a while. Real life head on... what the heck have I got myself into lol
Sorry for rambling, I really just wanted to welcome you back & congratulate you and your post inspired me. I hope & pray that I can one day post that I have achieved the 10 year mark.
Take care & all of the best (on this rainy day in Vancouver ;-)
NB
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
Thanks for the great post. I had 5 1/2 years of sobriety until I screwed up this summer. Like the guy you mention in your post who relapsed after a long period of sobriety, I too, didn't have strategies in place so that when I hit a real rough patch in life, alcohol seemed like a solution. Obviously it's not, but the one upside of falling of the wagon, was finding this website. It has now become one of the strategies I use to stay sober. Congratulations on 10 years, that's an amazing accomplishment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by clipframe 
Your story is not my story Fred. By all means tell your story whenever and wherever you can and want, but there is no need to insult me in the process.
I'm not here to be told my memory of my has dulled by someone who doesn't know me. That is absurd.
I'm not here to defend myself.
My life did not get better when I quit drinking as I had hoped it would. It got easier, but not better.
Jean
I'm not here to be told my memory of my has dulled by someone who doesn't know me. That is absurd.
I'm not here to defend myself.
My life did not get better when I quit drinking as I had hoped it would. It got easier, but not better.
Jean
Sorry I didn't mean it that way. I won't bother you anymore
Fred
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 9
I didn't take it the wrong way. You made a specific statement about my mental faculties -- I think your memory has dulled over the 10 year period.
I stand by my comment, my opinion, my statement -- my memory has not dulled.
You disagree with me by telling me I don't remember correctly.
Saying my memory is dull is an unacceptable premise to hang your story on.
I believe you should apologize for insulting me. Whether you do or not, doesn't really matter. For me, it is important to respond appropriately when I am insulted.
Blaming me for misunderstanding what you said is not an acceptable response.
If you don't want to communicate with me again because I won't accept being insulted, that's fine.
Jean
I stand by my comment, my opinion, my statement -- my memory has not dulled.
You disagree with me by telling me I don't remember correctly.
Saying my memory is dull is an unacceptable premise to hang your story on.
I believe you should apologize for insulting me. Whether you do or not, doesn't really matter. For me, it is important to respond appropriately when I am insulted.
Blaming me for misunderstanding what you said is not an acceptable response.
If you don't want to communicate with me again because I won't accept being insulted, that's fine.
Jean
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