Emotionally heavy day today
DOS: 11/6/10
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Emotionally heavy day today
So we're driving to the gig, and I see a text from my interim sponsor ('till I find a female in my area); he has been sober 25 years, and today June 9 was the 12th anniversary of his Dad's passing, after 34 years of sobriety. I picked up the phone and called him. It DID sound like he just needed to reach out at the moment... it's beyond my understanding and an unbelievable honor that he called me. I think it may have been him also wanting to touch base with me, but the shakiness in his voice during the first part of the conversation really made me feel like I was helping him just by being there. It's crazy to me how someone just over 2 weeks can be of ANY assistance to an old timer like him... but it was a great feeling.
After we hung up, hubby and I had a long conversation about how much this guy has done... not only for me, but for hubby too. And also for us. Hubby admitted tonight for the first time that there were many, many times when he knew he was the "cause" of my drinking a lot of nights (not saying I wouldn't have found an alternate excuse), and that was a really heavy thought and realization for him. It was like a catch-22... he'd be an *******, so I'd drink. Then he'd continue being an ******* because I was drinking. So I drank more. Ugh. Stop that freakin' merry go round... we gotta get off.
Hubby mentioned that we've been spending a lot of time in an emotional "no fly" zone... and that is really true. The elephant in the room only allowed for snide comments about drunks or how he was being a jerk, but it took my admission 2 weeks ago to peel the salt pack off the wound, and look at it completely. We're in the process of healing it slowly... conversation by conversation, hug by hug. It's an amazing gift... I'm getting my husband back and he's getting his wife back.
One of our early conversations after "the talk" was that he was scared... scared that I'd never be able to have sushi and enjoy sake, or a glass of wine with dinner, or the occasional evening out. At that time, fresh into my admission and what lay ahead, I was terrified too. But- some of that is going away- I think because of all these wonderful reconnections with my husband that weren't possible with alcohol as a member of our marriage. Of course, a good dose of that fear remains, but guess what? All the sushi bars are closed at 2:28 in the morning so I don't have to worry about that right now. Tomorrow I will handle tomorrow.
I can't thank my temp sponsor/mentor enough... He is our hero in more ways than just his awesome sobriety. My best wish for all reading my blog is that you have someone in your life just like him. One of these days when I'm not posting about me, me, me, I will tell you all about this guy. There's not enough respect in the word "respect" for what I, and we, feel for him. Thanks, HP!
Peaceful sober day to you all,
s
After we hung up, hubby and I had a long conversation about how much this guy has done... not only for me, but for hubby too. And also for us. Hubby admitted tonight for the first time that there were many, many times when he knew he was the "cause" of my drinking a lot of nights (not saying I wouldn't have found an alternate excuse), and that was a really heavy thought and realization for him. It was like a catch-22... he'd be an *******, so I'd drink. Then he'd continue being an ******* because I was drinking. So I drank more. Ugh. Stop that freakin' merry go round... we gotta get off.
Hubby mentioned that we've been spending a lot of time in an emotional "no fly" zone... and that is really true. The elephant in the room only allowed for snide comments about drunks or how he was being a jerk, but it took my admission 2 weeks ago to peel the salt pack off the wound, and look at it completely. We're in the process of healing it slowly... conversation by conversation, hug by hug. It's an amazing gift... I'm getting my husband back and he's getting his wife back.
One of our early conversations after "the talk" was that he was scared... scared that I'd never be able to have sushi and enjoy sake, or a glass of wine with dinner, or the occasional evening out. At that time, fresh into my admission and what lay ahead, I was terrified too. But- some of that is going away- I think because of all these wonderful reconnections with my husband that weren't possible with alcohol as a member of our marriage. Of course, a good dose of that fear remains, but guess what? All the sushi bars are closed at 2:28 in the morning so I don't have to worry about that right now. Tomorrow I will handle tomorrow.
I can't thank my temp sponsor/mentor enough... He is our hero in more ways than just his awesome sobriety. My best wish for all reading my blog is that you have someone in your life just like him. One of these days when I'm not posting about me, me, me, I will tell you all about this guy. There's not enough respect in the word "respect" for what I, and we, feel for him. Thanks, HP!
Peaceful sober day to you all,
s
to both of you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
scared that I'd never be able to have sushi and enjoy sake, or a glass of wine with dinner, or the occasional evening out
... But that's beside the point.Yea, this is a worry for my wife and I... Just like you, I'm doin' it one day at a time. Don't have any great words of wisdom to share, just thought I'd let you know that I get it... I'm almost 9 months now, I am not afraid anymore.
Mark
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 85
You are doing so well.. It really does make my day to hear about you making progress. It sounds like my wife and your husband are in the same boat, we have similar stories. Things between us are getting better daily, and I know sobriety is to thank for that. It also reminds me of the consequences of going back to my old habits/addictions. That's a scary thing to think about, but I'm glad it's there. Someday maybe I'll be able to be more noble in my reasons for being sober, but right now knowing that all the work and positive steps we've made could come crashing down with one drink or one pill is definitely keeping me sober.
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