Bingeman

I am new to this site so I'm not real sure how to begin. I guess I will start by saying that I'm starting to ask the big "A" question for myself. I am confused because I am the type of drinker who will go months and months without drinking and then, all of a sudden, I go to an event somewhere and I drink excessively. There are also times where I will go to a ballgame or somewhere else and have one or two drinks and be o.k. I cannot understand what in the world causes these heavy drinking episodes occasionally. When I'm in that state of mind, I cannot trust myself and that is what scares the heck out of me. I got a DUI back in '92 and another one in '99. Not to mention the number of poor girls that have been so unfortunate as to encounter me when I'm sloppy drunk because I know that I've tried to pick up on many and I'm sure it's not a pretty site. I think the hardest thing for me to cope with right now is the unknown. I usually don't remember everything I did or said and I'm sure I was an embarrassment to myself. That will usually last a few days and then things go back to normal for me. But, like I said, sooner or later, maybe months from now, it will happen again and I don't want to be out of control anymore and worry that something (DUI or worse) will happen. I am convinced that I am a binge drinker and I need help. My drink of choice is lots and lots of beer. I will also (later in the evening) do a couple of kamikaze shots. I think that's when I really get into deep trouble. If you haven't guessed already, I went out Friday night and honestly don't remember much about that night. I went into a local store this morning and the clerk had a smile on his face as if he knew something. I will bet money that I went in there Friday night sloppy drunk and made an ass out of myself. I honestly don't remember. I've never tried AA, with the exception of the court-ordered AA for my 2nd DUI in '99. Does anyone out there go through these same kinds of patterns? Any and all feedback would be great.

jsh3180

Hi Bingeman............I am new to this website today as well after coming off a 5 day drinking binge.I am 50 years old and in my earlier days of dringing I was not nearly the binge drinker I have turned into........I would drink, say a six pack after work on a daily basis, but over the last year or two I have started drinking without a let up for days at a time..........typically I will lose 3 to 5 days in a row to the bottle and the binges seem to be coming more frequently with less time in between. I am now doing the alky detox starting today as my last drink was yesterday afternoon. I have tried to refrain from drinking but I can't have just 1 and latel that 1 turns into being lost for days at a time. I am going to make another concerted effort after this last one to indeed be the last one.

Take care

Bingeman

Thanks for the reply. It sounds like what you're saying is that my current level of binge drinking could very well turn into more frequent as well as longer binge episodes. If that is the case I need to look in the mirror now because, like you, I cannot just have one drink when I'm on a binge. I wish you the best in your search for sobriety. You're a very strong person to freely admit to what you're going through. You will just need to find strength going forward. Please keep me posted on your progress.

cowboy

Yes, I 'm new and not an expert in this, but I would say you fall into the category of someone who should not drink at all. Also, if you get the AA Blue Book on alcoholism it really help shows the staged of the disease, etc. Like me -I didn't drink every day, but it was a definite problem i.e. it affected my life in adverse ways and I continued. I also had some of the other symptoms described in the Blue Book.
If you think you have a problem you do.
Hugs!Glad your here!

Bingeman

I will have to read the Blue Book because I do think I have a problem. One of the things I always think after a night of drinking is "how did I get home last night?" Not good! Everyone of my siblings has the same drinking pattern as me as well. One of my brothers quit drinking for good five years ago because his wife gave him the ultimate choice. Thanks for the welcome. Glad to be here!

CarolD

Welcome! What finally got me to quit was the info in...

"Under The Influence" by Dr. J. Milam

You can find it at Amazon.com for about $8.

It`s great you are looking for answers...

phoenix

Hi and welcome to Sober Recovery

My drinking was just like that for many years.I might go for months in between,or drink only a little now and then.But inevitably I would,at some point get completely smashed.Blackouts were the usual result.

I once showed up for work and found that everyone was not speaking to me.None of them would tell me what I had done and I don't know even now.I can only imagine.They forgave me eventually when it was obvious that I was clueless as to my wrongdoing.

Still,I had no idea that what I was experiencing was a sign of alcoholism.It also never occured to me to control my drinking.I just never made the connection.But today I can see that my drinking was alcoholic from the start.I recall being about 18 the first time I got drunk.I got sick,and just kept drinking.Again,I just didn't see the connection.Normal folks simply won't do that.Alcohol has a different effect on people like us.Today I know the only real solution is to stay away from that first drink.

Make yourself at home here.We have a lot of great forums and some fantastic people here.Keep coming back!

phoenix

Bingeman

Phoenix, Thanks for the reply. Everything you said I can relate to. I once got so drunk I not only made phone calls to an old girlfriend from my cellphone but I also called her sister. Apparently it was after 3am and I still don't remember those conversations. Neither one will tell me what I said to them. The next day they both laughed and treated it as a joke but I began to get deeply concerned about my behavior. I come from a "party" family so I got drunk for my first time when I was 8 when my older brothers made me slam a tall budweiser. I didn't touch the stuff again until my Mom died when I was 13 and, on the day of the funeral, all I saw was everyone drinking to excess back at our house so I did the same. Me and two friends got completely smashed. This behavior continued as a binge from that point forward through high school and college. My family influences as far as drinking goes was really bad. All of my brothers have the same drinking pattern as me. What you said really makes sense regarding how alcohol affects us differently (chemically??). It certainly justifies how a 13 year old kid could drink excessively and not learn a lesson. Thank you for the welcome and I look forward to future conversations.

Helz

Hi Bingeman

I also have exactly the same problem when I drink - blackouts! Once I have one drink I can't stop. I don't know how many times I have woken up in the morning, not knowing how I've gotten home and had to ring all my friends to find out what happened to me and who I owe apologies too (which is usually the case).

I think that how good could my night out have really been if I can't even remember it?

I also do bad things that I would never usually do if I was sober. I've told all my friends to "f*** off", I've pushed my sister in front of a car, I've fallen asleep at the table at a really important work do!

I'm currently trying not to drink at all because I know that (after years of trying) that I can't drink in moderation.

My family are also the same - my brother and my sister both get absolutely off their faces as well. Don't know if it is a genetic thing or not but I do know that it will make it harder to stop when we are often around them.

Wishing you luck,
Helz

Bingeman

Hi Helz. It sure does sound like the same things I go through. Especially the apology part the next day. It's so funny how there are times I only have a beer or two how proud I am of myself. It's like a feeling of normalcy. About a month ago I was at a work dinner at a very nice restaurant and I think I had maybe six beers in 4 hours. No shots. I was feeling just fine and all of a sudden a coworker fell down from drunkeness right in front of everyone. The strange thing is I felt so sorry for him and thought that could have been me many times before, but at the same time I felt glad it wasn't me and was proud of myself for maintaining my composure. I'm struggling right now with trying to figure out the common denominators for when I go overboard. Was there something on my mind? Was there a different kind of crowd I was with? Etc.... Why can I maintain some nights and then, bam, I lose control? Like you said, it might be better to just not even take the first drink at all. Thank you for the feedback and I wish you the best in your personal situations!

NoMoBeer

...that help qualify.

1. Do you find that you cannot quit drinking entirely on your own will?

2. Do you find that once you start drinking, you have no control over how much you will drink?

If so, then you are probably alcoholic.

I drank periodically for years, but ALWAYS binged. I have been a blackout drinker for over 20 years (I'm only 39). The "periodically" went away, I was drinking daily and blacking out 2-3 nights each week. I am an alcoholic.

Welcome to the boards. Only you can decide if you are or are not an alcoholic. Keep us posted on your progress, there are lots of great folks here to help. AA works for a lot of us, me included!!!

Keep coming back!

Ken

Bingeman

Hi Ken, in response to your two questions:

1) I find that I have been able to not drink for long periods of time with no problem at all. I have not yet tried to "quit" drinking entirely. I always have just let the dust settle for a long time after a binge and the same thing reoccurs later.

2) Yes, I feel that once I start, it's lights out after that. However, I don't feel that way all of the time. Some examples would be when I'm at a baseball game. I may have one or two beers but then when I eat something, I don't want to drink anymore. That is my main concern. The times that I go way overboard happen for reasons that I can't understand.

The last time I did this, about 2 months ago, I told a couple of people close to me that I was going to voluntarily install a "breathalyzer" in my car because I flat out cannot tell when this will happen next and I don't want to get arrested. It's like the unpredictablity of earthquakes.... I just don't know when I will go overboard again. I must admit that I feel completely powerless against this and I'm probably going to give AA a shot.

You are the second one to mention to me that this whole thing is progressive. That my "periodic" binges may become more frequent in the future.

Thank you Ken for the feedback, and likewise, please give me updates on yourself.

Take Care!