bob_sapp

After 4 years in AA, and 1266 days sober, I do not consider myself an alcoholic, and can no longer go somewhere where I have to say that. I do not feel powerless over a disease today, I simply choose not to drink or do drugs.

I have zero desire to be a true social drinker, and no desire to spend all my money and time drinking with the boys on the weekend. I don't see any middle ground and am not interested in experimenting with alcohol. I am still spiritually driven, and will find other avenues for that.

AA is a very personal choice, and I don't think I can honestly go to meetings and share anymore if I don't feel powerless over alcohol and believe myself to be an alcoholic. I think I need to look elsewhere... if I need to come back, I will.

Wish me luck.

keithj

I'll wish you luck, my friend. The longer I'm sober, the more I relate to step 1. If that's not the case for you, a different direction may be indicated. Best to you.

McGowdog

Good luck Bob!

And we'll keep the door unlocked or the key under the mat.

Let us know what works and keep on the spiritual path!

Astro

Keep us posted on your life and progress Bob, and remember that you'll always have a home here on SR. Best wishes to you in your continued recovery.

TTOSBT

Good luck bob. I wish you the VERY best in your journey.
I think we all have to find our own way in this life and in our recovery.

So, may I ask a couple questions to satisfy my curiousity?

So. Is this a matter of semantics? I mean do you think you COULD drink normally?
Another question, do you feel powerless over anything? Is it just alcohol you are not powerless over or do you just not believe in that line of thinking anymore?
Will you do anything to give back to other folks recovering?

Dee74

good luck Bob
hope you'll keep us updated

D

bob_sapp

Asking if I could drink normally is a meaningless question to me, because I simply don't want to drink anymore. I feel powerless over life in general, and I need god and spirituality... this is the direction of my spiritual path. So you could say I still want the 12 steps in my life, just minus drug and alcohol references. I want to give back to recovering folks... I sponsor two guys right now, and a sponsor of my own. I'd like to maintain my relationships with them and other AAers who I've built friendships with.

If I wake up tomorrow and I need to go to a meeting, I will. Maybe I'll try a different program or something. I just need to do some soul-searching and have some time to think about what I am doing and why. I went to a meeting on tuesday and it's only thursday so we'll see how things develop. I am trying to figure out my HP's plan for my life, and as long as I remain humble and on solid spiritual ground I think I will have good orderly direction in these matters.

sfgirl

I like this attitude. I think it makes sense to shift the spirituality away from the alcohol references and make it more broad. Why not after four years? It makes sense to me? I find the world keeps getting bigger in sobriety. I understand the singleness of purpose of AA but at a certain point it may not be broad enough for the recovered person.

CarolD

I too wish you all the best life has to offer.
you are making a well thought out decision.
(((Bob)))

RobbyRobot

There was a time into my 20th year of clean n' sober that i simply could not honestly continue to call myself an alcoholic drug addict for the life of me. It became an intensely spiritual awareness / commitment thing, the question was there, and so it all caused a very deep personal change in my life. I simply became another person who just didn't drink.

The short story is i continued like that until into my 22nd year. For me, i found myself to be less and less enthused with my life, and the new path became thorny and troubled for reasons which made less and less sense to me during those two years. At the end i concluded i was becoming very dry-drunk. After a serious inventory of my present life at that point, i returned to being a responsible sober alcoholic, on a path to sobriety, satisfied that i was once again being true to myself.

i'll never regret what i did, and it's not for everyone. I simply needed the courage to face a primal fear that centerd around my alcoholism ie: is there a cure?

for me, there is not, in any real health sense of the word, any cure. To put it into words i would say my alcoholism is "arrested" and remains so to this very day. i do not fully embrace any model or total definition of what exactly alcoholism is or isn't, for me or for others. i have discovered that being intolerant and rigid to most anything is simply a path to a world of pain and destruction. i have discovered that what comes with freedom is an open mind to enjoy that very freedom.

shortly after again being responsible and truthful to my own alcoholism [claiming to be an alcoholic again] my life quickly regained more joy, more peace, and a sustained love for God, for myself, and for others, in my day to day walk.

There are many paths to sobriety. It's all a matter of truthful honest choices, and the responsibilities those choice bring. Godspeed, bob_sapp.

RR

TTOSBT

Thank you so much for this reply.
I think this is a very healthy attitude and I truly believe that if you are working with a HP, you can't go wrong! And I agree 100% that more will be revealed as you walk your path.

Pinkcuda

Well Bob, nobody ever said you had to go to meetings to practice the principles of AA. Meetings are just a place where we can go to share ESH and gain from others. They are not a requirement for membership.
Keep your book handy and maintain your relationships with your sponsor and sponsees and you'll more than likley do well.