TheValencia

Hi, I just wanted to share this with you all if that's allright.

I think you all know how this goes, but everyday I wake up and think to myself: "Today I'm not drinking, I quit." But mere hours later, I find myself with the first drink of many in my hand.
I'm so sick of it now, I'm only 19 years old (tomorrow's my 20th b-day btw). I have everything going for me at the moment, for the first time in years:

I go to school from about 9 to 4pm, during school I'm hardly sober except for when I have a test, and during tests I have a killer headache. Just today I had a presentation at 11am, I wasn't ever sober at the time yet I passed the presentation. So I must be a great minded drunk or either the school's full of dumb teachers and students. My grades are okay, I have passed almost all the subjects with the minimum requirements, so that ought to be good enough.

After school I have to work from 6 tot 10 pm, I'm a part-time supervisor at a grocery store. It took hard work from me to archieve this, just been promoted 4 weeks ago. But I drink on the job and things seem to go great anyway.

You might think: Well you've got it all going for you, why do you drink?

I was born in Spain, my parents raised me there till I was 6 years old. Then we went to live in Holland, because my dad could get a better job there. Now both my parents have passed away. My father when I was eight years old, he drank alot, yet he was a great father to me and my mother. But when he'd be mad, he'd be crazy. Me and my mom both got beaten alot, though I'm pretty sure I took most of it. When I was eight, he got hit by a car and died in the hospital. My mom was pregnant of my little sister at the time, so she had to raise me but also raise a baby all by herself.

After my dad passed away, things went pretty good really. Untill my mother decided to date again and we moved in with her boyfriend. He was very strict and couldn't really deal with children at all. This brought alot of problems along, he got used to my sister, but never understood my rebellious 13-year-old ways. He'd punish me alot too, but my mom didn't want to know any of it. Things went on like this 'till I was 16 and my mom passed away after suffering multiple strokes. I couldn't cope with the death of my mom, and had a walk in with a loverboy who made me start using drugs. He made me do all sorts of things (inc. sexual) to get it, either with him or somebody else. After about a year my school found out and made me sit down with a trustee, I broke down and told her everything. They spoke with my stepfather and I left for a clinic in Spain soon after for rehabillitation and for my safety.

Now I'm back in Holland, and I'm clean from drugs for about 14 months. This is going very well. I live in a governal financed house, which I have to share with seven other troubled youth, here we have to share everything except a room. This is a big difference for me, since I had my own place in Spain after I was clean and had a fulltime job. Here we have a mentor to talk to us about any troubles we have, and other things. The plan is to get/keep us on track. I don't know this area where I live now, I don't have any friends here or anything. I'm nowhere to be found and I've got a different name and all.

Now for the past 8 months I've been heavily drinking, even at school on the bathroom where people can't see me or behind the school. Also at work even though I know it's very dangerous since I'm responsible for whatever happens on the floor.

Now I really like to stop drinking, I want to stop today full-time.. But thats not gonna work, so I just first want to stop drinking outside of my house, not at work nor at school. If I got this under control I'd like to stop drinking at home etc. as well.

Well, this was mostly me just wanting to share my story really. But please give me some feedback, let me know what you think about me trying to quit drinking, or just some other honesty.

Thanks for reading,

Valencia.

December15

Hi Valencia. It sounds like your life is extremely busy - you are studying full time and working in the evenings till 10 pm. This really sounds like too much and I imagine you have assignments and study to do as well. Is there anyway you can stop the evening work? You are young and the constant drinking and study and work will burn you out. Quitting is possible, although it might not seem so. Keep coming back to this site and learn about the addiction from others. Maybe give AA a go if you haven't already. I wish you all the best in your recovery, all it takes is the belief that it is possible. I never thought it was, and now have 38 days sober.

TheValencia

It's more like this for me: not working = more free time = more drinking. Even though I drink anyway, being busy just limits my drinking a bit more.

CarolD

...Welcome to SR!

You have alredy proven that you are a
smart strong young lady.
Yes! you too can quit drinking.

Please let us know how your plan works out...

ToABetterMe

So glad you find this place!
You are so young & have so much life ahead of you. You are so smart to realize the way you were living would lead to nothing but problems in your life!
Stay Strong & hope you stay & post often!

digderidoo

Thanks for sharing your story and welcome to SR.

You may actually find it easier to stop full-time than attempting to control just in the home, i know i certainly have found abstinence easier.

Paul

zoomer

I really do not know what to say except you will get caught drinking one of these days and your troubles will be more. Normal people do not sneak drinks at work or at school. You have big problems right now if your doing that. If you get help now, people will not come down so hard on you when you get caught. You think your in control,but your really not. Alcohol has control over you,not the other way around. I'm sorry for your life up til now. It sounds like you had it pretty rough,but you can over come the hurt feelings and troubles in time. There is no magic cure for alcoholism except for more hard work to over come your addiction. I made it easy on myself and went to AA. I have a daughter your age and if she was drinking like you are drinking I'd put her in a rehab. I'm glad you came here to start getting help. I guess I did know what to say whew.

TheValencia

Thank you all very much for your sweet comments.

I'm just an hour back from my the elementary school where I'm an intern gym teacher (so I have to work with children from all ages, being another motivation to quit drinking). And I haven't drank any yet today, right now it seems to be going pretty well. I did want a drink, but since I didn't have any with me or closeby, there was less of a temptation for me.
But now I'm back home, I would REALLY like a drink, but I'll try not to. I'm trying to keep this up for as long as possible now. Yet I know that if I come through this day, tomorrow will either be less difficult since the first step has been taken, or just more difficult, wanting to drink more than usual because of skipping 1 days worth of drinking. Doubling the dose tomorrow.

I could really use some help and advice now please

digderidoo

Just have today as a goal. Don't worry about tomorrow, that's another day, worry about that tomorrow. Don't pick up that first drink and you will not pick up a second, it's the first drink that's the problem.

What worked for me, especially in the early stages and now when i have my moments is to make sure that when my head hits my pillow tonight i am sober.

It's as simple as that.

Any crap that comes along in the mean time face head on and talk, as you are doing here.

Paul

N.B. Also plenty of sugar and fluids. Fizzy pop, i usually get 2 litres and chocolates. You're body is going to crave sugar, any other craving is in your mind.

yeahgr8

Hi there

IMO I think you would need some outside help in the form of AA or an alcohol counseller, i live in Spain and found an excellent one who has helped to change my life with a lot of work from me of course. I just think that if we could have changed ourselves for the better we would have done so already and am a little worried for someone as young as you to waste the time a lot of us older ones have done before finally admitting we needed help.

What do you think?

TheValencia

Thank you, this might work. I'll try not to drink today, tomorrow I will try not to drink again. But just day, by day. Great advice, though I've heard of it before. I never thought I'd be in this situation you know...

TheValencia

I'm just not sure how to reach my goal. First I'd like to try it on my own, if things go wrong I'll seek professional help. I'll be the first to admit things are going wrong here, but I won't admit needing help just yet. Just some advice and support would do for now, I've somehow gotten myself into this miss and I'll somehow get myself out of this mess aswell.

Jake99

That is so true..

Valencia you remind me of myself not so long ago..

I am 27, and I drank heavily since i was 14

That quote that digderidoo said is so true.. Its what helped me..

That first drink, its the killer..

Also.. "If I dont drink I wont get drunk"

One thing that made me realise I was an alcoholic was the fact I didnt enjoy getting drunk anymore...

I really hope you come through..

All the best

Jake99

I strongly reccomend AA to anyone... But at the end of the (sober) day its up to you..

In my opinion a professional is someones who knows what they are talking about, had been there done that with many years experience.

My professional help is the people at AA, not Doctors.

They cant teach what we have gone through at Medical School..

But thats just my opinion

TheValencia

I heard plenty, first is never the last. I believe that, and I feel like I've found plenty of support here. Alot on chat but also in this topic. I did have a couple of drinks last night, but I'm sure I can quit for today.. Last night was a screwup, yet I was pretty proud of myself for not drinking during the day. I'm doing good today as well, haven't had a single drink and I'll try to keep that up. I do have a killed headache now and really feel like having a couple of drinks, but like I said, I'll try.

Thanks for the positive words all. As soon as I can I'll visit the doc and see what he says.

TheValencia

I feel bad again, because last friday I had a party and got drunk once again. Should I just stop having or going to parties so I won't get tempted to drink? What can or can't I do, maybe anyone has got a good tip on this. And where can I find some good help for alcoholics, like groups and AA? Because I really do need this to quit drinking...

And I was right about what I said before, if I don't drink for a day, I seem to double the doze the next day and try to catch up from what I missed.

TheValencia

Thanks Phal,

I was going to say: "You sure that's gonna work?", but why else would you tell me this if you didn't think it would work or worked with you.

When I go to a party at someone's place, I usually get back somewhere around 4 or AM, when I go out to a club I'm back round 7 in the morning. So that being said, going back home in about two hours after arriving, this is gonna be pretty hard either way. And yes, I'd like to expand my network of friends.

All in all, this is going to be tough, but I will try this out, and see what happens. Thanks again Phal.

CarolD

Mega Val....
you keep trying...we do know it's difficult.

On your side...look at what other problems you have over come
at such a young age! Your a survivor...

TheValencia

Thanks Carol Your inspiring words seem to help me at plenty of times, coming here every now and then seems to help when I'm having trouble. I did good today, tomorrow I'll try to do the same.

CarolD

I saw your post in our Daily Support thread....
thanks for checking in there too.

Yes Vaal....we can and do win over alcohol!