missy123

I have a problem. Actually I have a few problems but I'll start with this one and let the others all roll out. Sorry if I have put this in the wrong situation. just want to see if anyone else has experienced something like this.

I'm not eating. It started a few weeks ago. I am not sure if it is from depression, alcohol or the fact that I'm crazy and like to punish myself.

I don't want to eat. Kind of like I don't want to drink. But I can control my eating more.

But I don't want to hurt my husband. I don't want to hurt him when when I drink. And I don't want him to be hurt because I am not eating. And if I keep going, he is going to see soon.

So I've stopped drinking. Big deal, it's been two days. And I've stopped eating. I feel like i have done a better job with the eating.

I eat my meal at night with him. But nothing during the day. He won't be home tonight and I have already planned not to eat.

It's like I am moving from one addiction to the next. But in some sort of stupid way I feel like I deserve this and am accomplishing something. What it is, I'm not quite sure.

Actually I think I'm going mental.

I am a complete idiot. If people knew what kind of life I have been blessed with they would think I am pathetic. And you know, I am.

Why I am sharing this with a bunch of strangers is actually beyond me. I have no idea what I am even doing here.

HopeTo180

Missy,
There are a billion ways to quit drinking (If that's your intent). During my quitting bouts I found it easier to fast (not eat or drink). For me, it was easier to go all out. I did a fast for 10 days (only drank bottled water). When I started eating again, I started drinking again. So, I can relate. I do agree that we are all a little self destructive. I think giving your digestive system a break is a good idea every now and then. Spend some time searching why you lost your desire to eat and remember your emotions are in your tummy. Prayers

CarolD

What I hope you are doing here is to express your feelings
and explore your options. Please try to relax.

The non eating....I have no experience to share on.
I can share on drinking and recovery.

Have you considered talking with a professional?
Counseling might be a wise move.

I'm glad you found us...

missy123

Thank you for your responses.

I am going to see a psychologist, yet again, a new one on Monday.

Another person I can cry to. another person who will tell me all the things I know deep down.

It's me. It's all me. I'm an intelligent person and I have ruined myself. The reality of it all is just too much.

I will stay sober. I can do this. But I have destroyed so much already.

I don't want to eat, I don't want to sleep. I just walk around in circles in panic.

I think I might be insane and I am so ashamed.

espresso

It sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain and maybe "punishing" yourself somehow? I can understand what you're saying but be mindful of HALT if you want to stay off the booze:
Hunger
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Good Luck seeing the Counsellor. Hope he/she helps you.

Ananda

Although no one could tell now...I have had times when I struggled with the not eating....

first...when I was first off the alchohol I had no appetite...eating actually made me ill....for me it was drinking ensure and I did have to have a doctor give me some pills and ivs to adjust my ?electolites? and other chemicals in my system.

second...when I couldn't seem to eat some one told me to eat ANYTHING that sounded like I could eat it...thus I ate 4 tins of smoked oysters.

I was also told, if I couldn't eat to be sure and meet my other needs and care for myself in other ways...sometimes getting wraped up in the I can't eat thing...just made it worse. and doing something nice for myself helped alot.

Glad you are going to a dr. in case there is something more than detox going on with the problem.

Glad you are here.

nolawench

It's tough, it sounds like the not eating is for other reasons than just not being able to ( ie; nausea, etc...)

For me, during and just post detox, I couldn't eat or sleep, but that was my body's reaction.

I'm glad you're seeing someone and hoping that will offer some relief, but please be sure to keep hydrated and get some form of nutrients in you, even if it's just gatorade.

And... please keep coming back to this site, it can be amazingly instrumental to your recover, on all levels.

Kellye C

Hi Missy and welcome to SR. I don't have any experience to share on this issue because for me the opposite was true. I couldn't eat when I was drinking because I kept myself so sick all the time. Once I got sober my appetite returned and I gained a bunch of weight which 4 years later I still need to get rid of.

I did want to let you know that if you haven't checked it out yet there is an Eating Disorders board further down the page here on SR. You might find some support from people that totally get what you are going through and may have some experience, strength and hope to share with you.

I wanted to say try not to beat yourself up too much. It sounds like you are being awful harsh on yourself. Try to take it easy. Try to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend if they came to you in need of help. Show yourself the same compassion you would someone else. You wouldn't punish them would you?

Anyway, I hope you will stick around and keep posting!

Hugs,
Kellye

least

While I was an active alcoholic I didn't eat right at all. I didn't even want to eat. Now that I'm sober I try to eat good food. I too have a problem with not wanting to eat. I get very depressed and feel I don't deserve to eat or breathe or take up space.

I wish you well with your new counselor. It sounds like you have some life issues going on besides alcohol. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you can find some peace and balance in your life!

:ghug3

Toomutch

I can relate to you missy. I have not had much of an appetite for over 9 months now. I have to force myself to eat - my family is on me about getting too thin. I have some stomachach disorders which I know contribute to this - however it started after becoming sober.

missy123

Thank you for your replies. Thank you for your advice.

I'm eating, not much, but I'm eating. I might go have a look at the eating disorder section.