NortheastDrunk

Been sober for several days after a decade long addiction to alcohol. Lately its been Vodka and Gin and lots of it. Funny, I seem to have lost my taste for beer, just not quick enough.

Anyway, I have been a guy that has become a daily drinker during the work week and a flat out blackout drinker during the weekends. Been like that for probably 5 years now. Lately my drinking has been alone.

I have a big book from AA attempts in the past. Never really read it, but now have begun really investing in it. One of the themes I have indentifed with are the stories about the anxiety feelings. Its funny, for several years my life has been a mess, all self inflicted damage, but never really stressed about it because alcohol took the anxiety away.

Last night, after not drinking for several days an almost panic set in while in bed. It's like where and the **** has my life gone? What happened to the past 10 years? Why am I alone and in and $20K debt? What happens if I lose my job in this horrible economy? Why have I worried my parents sick for over a decade?

It went on an on. I was awake from 11pm to about 4am and my mind eventually shut down and I got several hours of sleep in. When I awoke this morning I felt I over-reacted but know its 10:30pm and the anxiety is over-whelming again. It's like the demons are waiting.

I hope this passes soon...

Glad I found the board btw...

Clutch B

Glad you're here. I remember the anxiety too. It was so hard to sleep, then the sleep loss made me feel even more on edge and stressed out.

AA helped me alot with dealing with those feelings. I heard so many stories from people just like me. Some of them were worse than me. And I didn't feel so alone or "freaky" anymore.

We do alot of harmful things when we're drunk. But if we wallow in it, it's impossible to get sober. The people in AA helped me to find a healthy balance. Sometimes I needed help from someone else -- "Here, read this and let's talk about it" -- that helped me to find some perspective. Eventually I reached a point of peace where I finally felt ready to deal with my past.

But in the beginning, it's simply too painful. Try to think of positive things and focus on making progress. Guilt, shame, anger, and fear are your worst enemies.

I'm so glad you're here. Please keep coming back and keep posting.

Stubborn1

It does go away. The good thing is you will know where the next ten will be.
The "demons" are the alcoholism trying to get you back. It will give you anxiety until you drink again. When you get your mind programmed to KNOW it will NEVER have a drink again you will start to settle.
Talk to a dr and see if you can get on anti anxiety meds. Sometimes we need help.
You are not over reacting. It's an ah ha moment to realize you've drank a butt load of your life away. I'm glad you are here. I'm glad you are fighting. I'm glad you are reading the big book. If you can really try to get to meetings. They will help you to know you are not alone and it's REALLY helpful. You'll have a rested mind so you can get some sleep.

gravity

I can definitely identify with the sleepless nights and my mind racing - still happens occasionally but not nearly as bad (toss and turn for maybe an hour).

Some major benefits of AA - accepting my past and who I am today. Much less fear of the future, a believe that everything will be fine.

Takes time and working through the steps (for me, with a sponsor and attending meetings twice a week).

We do get better!

NortheastDrunk

Thanks for the advice. I just read another story in the BB. A lady who drank to the age of 37 and noticed her eyes got yellow, skin discolored and hair falling out. Turns out she drank herself to a liver transplant. So I'll add that to my list tonight in bed to think about as I am roughly her age :-)

Thanks - will check in tomorrow...

dirtyjerz08

I used to read the Big Book a lot during those sleepless nights. Didn't always allow me to fall asleep, but it always seemed to help calm the nerves, however brief.

coffeenut

NE, at least you are smart enough to get your act together after only a decade. It takes some of us three, and we can't ever get that time back. Stick around, this place is the best.

CarolD

Please check out this link about sleeping problems

Insomnia? 41 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures

I'm glad you are here with us....Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum..

SoberSoWhat

Everyday for ten years you flooded your brain with a chemical who's action is to suppress brain activity. Your brain fought back as hard as it could, and just as you fall forward when you're pushing against a jammed door that suddenly springs opens, your brain is rebounding from the withdrawal of a depressant with at times overwhelming excitement (not always a pleasant experience!).

Fortunately, your brain will find a balance and the anxiety and racing thoughts will lessen and disappear - although many people have other mental health issues simultaneous with drinking or sobriety, so if you need help in dealing with any mental health issues, see your doctor and a psychologist.

Tryingto

I know this feeling. It may seem pointless that I replied, because I still don't know how to handle anxiety. I wanted to reply though. I know it all to well, and I hate it so so badly.

gantz

I totally understand the pain you face in the beginning as many of use have. As phaleron said breathing and meditation really help. I did the same.

The process I would follow is taking really deep breaths in...hold them for a few seconds....then slowly let it out. I would also force my mind to think of nothing else than counting my breaths over and over until the anxiety left.

I know at times its worse that others, but you will get through this and life gets alot easier (so does sleep). Gratz on your sober journey and good luck!

Rimmy

I am starting over again today, and my anxiety is pretty bad... comes in waves like a hot flash. I work from home, but today I am going to take the day off and let myself feel. Do a lot of reading and try to relax. I once read an online book about meditation which essentially tought a method for slowing down the winding whirling thoughts in your head, which helps me to sleep at night and ease some of the nerves... I'll see if I can dig that up and share it, if you want it.

NortheastDrunk

Thanks all for the advice. Last night was bizarre. I went to bed at 11pm, and I lied away until 5am. I kept getting out of bed adjusting the heat. About 3am I tossed and turned so much, I pryed away all my covers and sheets and had to remake it.

Funny, I am not tired. I may catch a nap later, but I feel much better than sleeping all night on a half bottle of Vodka.

Man my mind was racing last night. I have to sleep in a hotel in a couple nights and I am not looking forward to that, but maybe the change of scenery will do me good.

NortheastDrunk

Greetings. Shortly after this post about a month ago, I made the conscious decision to drink again. I started to get depressed about my situation, especially the financial decisions that set me back so much over the last years, I simply started drinking again.

Started out with just a couple glasses of wine for a few days, then boom, I was buying bottle after bottle of both wine and Vodka. Even though I "never have any money", I still managed to spend $250 on alcohol in less than a month. Funny how I could afford that, but not pay the minimum payment on a credit card.

The period between Christmas and New Years was the worst. Drinking the really cheap stuff. The $10 bottle of Vodka mixed with diet sprite. I'd drink it, fall asleep and wake up depressed, in my car on the way to the store again.

I looked in the mirror this morning, realizing I am slowly destroying myself. My parents sense I am drinking again and I know it is torturing them.

Anyway, the anxiety is extreme. My mind is racing, and every possible negative thought is running through my head. I am dreading going to bed tonight because I know what to expect....a sleepless night, staring up at the ceiling.

This really sucks. Going to try AA tomorrow.

onecent

Hi Northeast - the first three or four nights of sleeping w/o alcohol are the worst. The guilt of yesterday and fear of tomorrow runs rampid in our minds. I don't know if you have a Higher Power, but if you do you may just want to pray for help. I remember being in almost a trance just saying "God help me" over and over again until the sun came up. It gets better each night. I go for a walk at night before I go to bed and pray for help to make it through the night. It gets easier. A sleepless night sober is so much better than waking up still drunk. I KNOW IT SUCKS!!

fluer

Glad you are back. Hey, I hate hearing your struggles, and remember the deep shame of that herendous cycle. You will beat this, you can do this.

I don't know a single one of us who has been able to do it alone. So I wish with everything in me that you get in touch with your higher power, get to some meetings, and find a therapist who can walk through this with you. You are worthy of love and a great life.

Withdrawls are a b----! Insomnia, no better! AGONY! ugh.. Hang on and hang in!

And the anxiety that comes and goes is crazy and intense. There are probably
reasons why you have chosen to drink yourself to near death for almost a decade. When I peeled away my numbing agents it was a physical/mental/spiritual hell. These reasons can also be a great source of anxiety, hence our clever pain management tool. When we remove that tool (the bottle),OUCH,it really hurts.I think you refrencing demons is pretty dead on..seriously.

Alcoholics are by far some of the best people I will ever know, but we are also some of the most hurt. Look into why you needed this in the first place,don't be afraid,it's where you will also find your true freedom. Whiteknuckling it can only get you so far,and usually not for long. Keep seeking and searching for as long as it takes, you have alot of life to still live! You will get there.

Much love-

desertdonna

I feel for you. The anxiety is horrendous at first. That's what "white knuckling it" really means. If you don't feel that you are losing your mind and require medical attention, do something and don't think. Take hot showers/baths, calm music, force yourself to breathe deeply and calmly and focus just on breathing.

Keep posting if you need to, just the writing will help. Someone will respond.

AA is good for support, get there by all means.

Drinking will only prolong the agony.

Big hug,

Donna

tiburon88

It's interesting that alcohol seemed to help my anxiety and make it worse at the same time. I could never stay drunk 24/7 though. I either ran out of money, in jail or just physical too sick to drink. I do find that exercise helps though. I like to swim a lot.


tib

ralph9898

The anxiety is normal and even expected. Your sympathetic brain neurotransmitters (the ones that excite you) will be hyperactive for a while after stopping drinking, and the parasympathetic ones (the ones that calm you) will be underactive. There are a bunch of articles you can google to understand the medical reason behind the anxiety.

For me the anxiety still hasn't passed completely, and I am sober for over 3 months. But the first month was the worst. I also had near panic attacks for the first month. It does get better over time. Try natural relaxation techniques before you resort to any drugs if possible to relieve anxiety. The goal is to allow your brain chemistry to readjust to normal levels naturally. Muscle tension/relaxation, deep breathing exercises, weight training and/or aerobic exercise, meditation, biofeedback, aromatherapy, massage, and yoga are examples of natural anti-anxiety/relaxation techniques that may help you through the next month or so. The key is to do them regularly. Don't expect these to work overnight, it takes time. Google those terms and you will find out how to do them properly.

Also look into changes to your diet/nutrition. You can google to find food/supplements that make you less anxious. I believe too much caffeine makes you more anxious, but if you are used to a certain amount, you probably want to reduce your caffeine intake slowly, so as not to go through a caffeine withdrawal on top of your alcohol withdrawal.

Hang in there! It will get better!

yeahgr8

Hi Northeast

I remember those nights, the first one especially after a period of drinking, i could only describe it as like being in a constant state of fear. Unable to get to sleep, unable to stay asleep and...worth getting to AA just for that...urggghh!!!

used to be beer for me only, then a couple of shots, then 4 beer rest of night on vodka, then at the end a beer to wet the whistle and whatever got me to where i thought i wanted to be the fastest.

have you been to counseller/docs for the anxiety? Just a thought? maybe you won't need to if you going to get down AA asap?!

Keep going it does and can get a lot better if you can get rid of the damn booze!