Hey All..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1
Hey All..
I am a 32 year old male from the north Texas area. I am an alcoholic. I have active in my addiction for 12 years? Maybe longer.
I have 4 children ranging in ages from 5 months to 13 years. I am totally functioning. I own my own successful business, I am very involved in my kids extra circular activities. I go 90 miles an hour every day, and I start drinking at the crack of dawn every morning.
I have known that I am an alcoholic for years. When I was 25 years old I quit for 4 months. I was a regular at AA meetings, had a sponsor, even went into an inpatient rehab facility. I just thought that I was better than the "system." That I didn't need it. I could be that guy who didn't go to meetings, work a program, and be sober.
Obviously, it didn't work, because here I am again. I need help. I need to be pointed in a direction. I have a 5 month old little girl. My wife is so exahusted with me, and rightfully so. I can't imagine having to live with me...I don't live with myself, I am drunk all the time. When I sober up long enough to feel bad at what a jerk I was the night/day before....I take another drink and all that guilt is gone.
Being sober scares me. The feelings that I have when I am sober make my skin crawl. The anxiety, the guilt. It's just so much to overcome without a program. I have actually stopped drinking more often than ever the last 2 or 3 months. I took 4 or 5 days of soberity with me on a few occassions. It was a white knuckled sober. Every second of the soberity seemed like an eternity. I need to be working a program.
I am not the type of person to just walk into a meeting without knowing anyone there. I guess I am stubborn. And I admit that, I am broken down. I don't want to give any more excuses. I just want to start the journey to a better place. My wife deserves it, my daughter and sons deserve it...and most importantly, I deserve it.
Can anyone guide me here?
I have 4 children ranging in ages from 5 months to 13 years. I am totally functioning. I own my own successful business, I am very involved in my kids extra circular activities. I go 90 miles an hour every day, and I start drinking at the crack of dawn every morning.
I have known that I am an alcoholic for years. When I was 25 years old I quit for 4 months. I was a regular at AA meetings, had a sponsor, even went into an inpatient rehab facility. I just thought that I was better than the "system." That I didn't need it. I could be that guy who didn't go to meetings, work a program, and be sober.
Obviously, it didn't work, because here I am again. I need help. I need to be pointed in a direction. I have a 5 month old little girl. My wife is so exahusted with me, and rightfully so. I can't imagine having to live with me...I don't live with myself, I am drunk all the time. When I sober up long enough to feel bad at what a jerk I was the night/day before....I take another drink and all that guilt is gone.
Being sober scares me. The feelings that I have when I am sober make my skin crawl. The anxiety, the guilt. It's just so much to overcome without a program. I have actually stopped drinking more often than ever the last 2 or 3 months. I took 4 or 5 days of soberity with me on a few occassions. It was a white knuckled sober. Every second of the soberity seemed like an eternity. I need to be working a program.
I am not the type of person to just walk into a meeting without knowing anyone there. I guess I am stubborn. And I admit that, I am broken down. I don't want to give any more excuses. I just want to start the journey to a better place. My wife deserves it, my daughter and sons deserve it...and most importantly, I deserve it.
Can anyone guide me here?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 108
Hi kadekobe
I never got a DUI, lost a job, lost my wife or many other assorted things we hear from those that have. Each and every one of those (I believe today) were right around the corner though.
I found that if I could have a good day at work, it helped me rationalize that things maybe weren't so bad. I'd quickly quit looking at me, then go back to my old game of looking at everything else. It wasn't only work, you can add any life situation here. Bottom line, where there appeared to be a glimmer of hope, then my drinking wasn't a problem.
When alone and with some level of clarity in my brain at the time, I knew deep inside of myself, what I was doing and what was happening. I was working the 1st step before I ever knew what a 1st step was.
For me, the day came when I didn't care what anybody thought. I surrendered trying to minimize what I was doing, the things I said, what my boss thought of me, what my wife was thinking & feeling, and even the little man from AA who had talked to me sometime before. None of it mattered any more ... I truly surrendered.
My last drunk, wasn't my worst or filled with some horrible tragic event. It was simply the one where I finally said, I can't do this any more. I surrendered to a low enough level (thank God) that I was willing to do anything anyone who knew anything about drinking, told me to do.
The only thing I had to change when I got sober, was everything. I didn't like it all and there were many days I too questioned all sorts of things. I guess I was fortunate though ... I never seemed to forget how good of a job I could do on my own or by doing things my way. Things didn't magically happen over night or in days or weeks. Heck ... it's still a work in progress. And to be completely honest, I'm glad it's that way. I honest to God am.
By your own admission, you've stated you're an alcoholic. You also stated you've been to AA before. For what ever reasons, you left. I've heard hundreds if not more, say they left because they couldn't accept or handle something said in AA or in the way the AA program works. Perhaps is all I can say, I honestly don't know. In my heart, I can't help but feel that it's because they weren't yet convinced that they were powerless over alcohol.
If you are an alcoholic who wants to quit drinking, there is a proven solution available. The true question is, have you suffered enough. That my friend, only you can answer. I'll say this then shut up ... I can hear the pain in your words.
It's ok to surrender ... it's ok to not be able to do this on your own. The same song that may be playing in your head, plays in every other alcoholics head ... part of what the AA program teaches us, is that we don't have to dance any more when we hear it. I hope you give AA another try and I hope this time, you're willing to do anything to stay.
I never got a DUI, lost a job, lost my wife or many other assorted things we hear from those that have. Each and every one of those (I believe today) were right around the corner though.
I found that if I could have a good day at work, it helped me rationalize that things maybe weren't so bad. I'd quickly quit looking at me, then go back to my old game of looking at everything else. It wasn't only work, you can add any life situation here. Bottom line, where there appeared to be a glimmer of hope, then my drinking wasn't a problem.
When alone and with some level of clarity in my brain at the time, I knew deep inside of myself, what I was doing and what was happening. I was working the 1st step before I ever knew what a 1st step was.
For me, the day came when I didn't care what anybody thought. I surrendered trying to minimize what I was doing, the things I said, what my boss thought of me, what my wife was thinking & feeling, and even the little man from AA who had talked to me sometime before. None of it mattered any more ... I truly surrendered.
My last drunk, wasn't my worst or filled with some horrible tragic event. It was simply the one where I finally said, I can't do this any more. I surrendered to a low enough level (thank God) that I was willing to do anything anyone who knew anything about drinking, told me to do.
The only thing I had to change when I got sober, was everything. I didn't like it all and there were many days I too questioned all sorts of things. I guess I was fortunate though ... I never seemed to forget how good of a job I could do on my own or by doing things my way. Things didn't magically happen over night or in days or weeks. Heck ... it's still a work in progress. And to be completely honest, I'm glad it's that way. I honest to God am.
By your own admission, you've stated you're an alcoholic. You also stated you've been to AA before. For what ever reasons, you left. I've heard hundreds if not more, say they left because they couldn't accept or handle something said in AA or in the way the AA program works. Perhaps is all I can say, I honestly don't know. In my heart, I can't help but feel that it's because they weren't yet convinced that they were powerless over alcohol.
If you are an alcoholic who wants to quit drinking, there is a proven solution available. The true question is, have you suffered enough. That my friend, only you can answer. I'll say this then shut up ... I can hear the pain in your words.
It's ok to surrender ... it's ok to not be able to do this on your own. The same song that may be playing in your head, plays in every other alcoholics head ... part of what the AA program teaches us, is that we don't have to dance any more when we hear it. I hope you give AA another try and I hope this time, you're willing to do anything to stay.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6
Hi, I am very new to the group. I am 26 & I feel as though I am on the path of destruction. I do not drink as much as some others in this group, but I feel like it's only a matter of time. I typically drink after 5pm, 7 days per week until I go to bed. I hate who I am & need to change for my son.
I have no solid advice for you, since I am seeking help for the first time. Nothing I have tried has worked. I have only admitted this addiction to my husband, an amazingly supportive person.
Sorry to use your thread as an introduction to myself.
I have no solid advice for you, since I am seeking help for the first time. Nothing I have tried has worked. I have only admitted this addiction to my husband, an amazingly supportive person.
Sorry to use your thread as an introduction to myself.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
kadekobe.......
westcoastgrl...
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
For me to finally quit drinking
I had to want to stop more than I wanted to drink
My alcoholism caused deep dismal situational depression.
I detested the woman I had become from drinking.
That's when I joined AA...and it's been working great to for.
Glad to see 2 new members...Yes! you can recover!
westcoastgrl...
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
For me to finally quit drinking
I had to want to stop more than I wanted to drink
My alcoholism caused deep dismal situational depression.
I detested the woman I had become from drinking.
That's when I joined AA...and it's been working great to for.
Glad to see 2 new members...Yes! you can recover!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
welcome kadekobe and westcoastgrl
Kadekobe,just go to a meeting.After 30 minutes you will know someone.So,it`s only a few minutes,and surely you can make it for a few minutes,right?
Kadekobe,just go to a meeting.After 30 minutes you will know someone.So,it`s only a few minutes,and surely you can make it for a few minutes,right?
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