EvaCan

When you quit drinking but then screw up, How do you explain that to the people you made promises to. I made those promises to myself as well & I have no answers for why I did what I did when I knew better.

For those people in my life that love me, supported me, were proud of me & now feel betrayed. What could I possibly ever say? I don't think they really understand addiction. I don't think they really understand that though they can just have a couple drinks......I Cannot! I never will be able to & I know that. How can I convince my support system to give me yet another chance?
:praying

Pinkcuda

Go to AA, get a Sponsor and have your Sponsor explain exactly what the disease of Alcoholism is.
A good Sponsor should be able to explain exactly what's going on and what's expected of them so they can be of the most possible help.

EvaCan

Thank You Pink

Clutch B

Pinkcuda made a great suggestion -- an AA sponsor can help your family understand addiction. (There's a big difference between addiction and excuses. People who aren't alcoholics/addicts don't understand that.)

I broke too many promises. It's unreasonable to ask someone to trust me when I've constantly broken their trust. My family had to stop trusting me -- they had to do that to protect themselves from the pain that I caused.

When I stayed sober for a week, I thought they would trust me again, but they didn't. They still didn't trust me after being sober for a month. Instead, they trusted me less. I guess they were bracing themselves for when I was going to screw up again.

It took a long time to regain their trust. I had to go to AA every day (sometimes 2 or 3 meetings a day) and stay sober for over a year before my family started to trust me again. And they trust me now.

Hang in there, do the right thing, stay sober, change your life, and don't expect them to trust you anytime soon. It takes a long time to earn it back.

EvaCan

Thanks Clutch I appreciate your advice. I really don't expect trust over night, I don't even trust myself yet. AA will definatly be something I look into. I also look forward to posting here & getting additional support. Thanks again

CarolD

....Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

Wen I finished my AA Steps 4 & 5..
.my remorse and guilt were removed.
Then I could firgive myself for my actions when drinking.

I sincerely hope you will also find that true.
Good to see you here with us

Texasblind

That's what I'm talking about. Alcoholism is a real disease and only people who have been through it can explain. It took my sponsor to explain to my family before they could understand. My ex never understood and that is why we broke up, her father took the time and that is why we are still friends.

I've invited family members to certain AA meetings, I have nothing to hide. It's worked very well for me. Not every day, but maybe once a month.

My experience is that our loved ones want so desperately to help, they just don't know how and we can't explain it to them. Open or Family meetings, that worked wonders for me.

It's not so much about trust as it is understanding.

foresam

A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless, you fail to make the turn. Relapse is a part of recovery talk to your sponser, the most important thing is that you dont give up. We are all behind you dont give up.

nandm

Foresam and Evacan, Welcome to SR and our alcoholism forum:ghug

CarolD

foresam....Hello and Welcome

Tazman53

I will relate my experience, I spent many years saying "I am sorry", "I am going to stop drinking", "I will cut back", "This time will be different" and they all turned into lies and dissappointments.

When I quit talking and started taking actions by going to AA and not drinking was when they said "I am glad you have quit drinking", "Thank you for staying sober", "Thank you for staying sober and being there". I have learned thatactions speak louder then words.

I have been sober over 2 years and my wife supports me, she sometimes goes to meetings with me, she hears other alcoholics talk of alcoholism and how alcohol owned them, I understand exactly what they are talking about because I have been there and done that, she still does not understand and openly says so. What she does understand is that I was unable to stay stopped drinking until I went to AA, so no matter what (Within reason LOL), she supports me going to AA.

Like I already said.... stay sober and you will have all the support in the world has been my experience.

EvaCan

Wow thank you all for all of the wonderful responses & words of encouragment! I've spent the last 3 days in tears with no one to talk to so the support is great. Up until a year ago I refused to even admitt that I had a "problem" that's what I called it when I finally did. Now I have no problem admitting that I am a alcoholic, to me that's somewhat bigger than just a problem. During the last year I've quit drinking 3 times, each time for 2-4 months but I've never went to a AA meeting.

Last night I decided that I may not be able to do this on my own. I'm serious about my sobriety & I need everyone in my life to see that. I looked up AA meetings in my area & found one right across the street from my home. I could walk there in 2 minutes. However it says that it's a meeting for young people. Does anyone know the cut off age for young peoples meetings? I'm 30

Thanks again everyone & I'm glad to be here

Tazman53

30............. OMG you are ancient!!! LOL J/K I can only speak for my area, but I think 30 would fit right in on the high side of the young peoples meeting. I am 54 (55 next month), I go to what we call a "Beginners meeting every week, we have folks with over 30 years of sobriety at that meeting and many folks with less then 6 months and of course the really newcomers with just days of sobriety and in some cases even a splattering of drunks.

Keep in mind that the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.

EvaCan

LOL Thanks Taz, I needed the laugh. Not that I think I'm old or anything, I'm just really nervous to go to my 1st AA meeting so I've been sitting here thinking, what if I walk into that meeting & they tell me I'm too old LOL talk about adding insult to injury! I'm sure it'll be fine for my 1st meeting & I'm sure I'll try some different ones as well.

Thanks again

Stubborn1

I'm the wife of an alcoholic. It took me all of eight years to learn about alcoholism from the ground up. I learned what I did because I had an extreme desire to want to learn it. I'm not the type of person for cookie cutter responses, I like the cold hard truth. I read physc books, meetings, talked to people, codie classes, counseling, books, the big book of AA, read what the bible had to say about alcoholism......you name it I found it and I STILL learn and STILL have questions.
I was also a great binge drinker before my kids and a short time into motherhood. I had two dear best friends die of alcoholism (horrifying stories) so I saw the end results. I unfortunatly saw the beginning, the long crazy middle and the pitiful end to alcoholism. I have unconditionally loved all three of my alcoholics and loved myself more to educate myself and quit my craziness.
It can be done. I've seen happy endings.
As with an alcoholic you can help your family and friends by giving them literature about the disease. Just make sure you do not make yourself look like the victim. Let them see you are actually working the steps. Your actions will speak loud for you. As they say here, don't just be quacking.
You need to give them space to step back from you if that's what they need to do to cope. You can not expect them to keep being there for you. That is something you have to earn back and the more you screw up the longer it takes to win them back. It can be done. It's soooooooo worth the fight for sobriety.
Hope this helped.

EvaCan

Thanks Stubborn, every word helps at this point. The thing is, I grew up with a alcoholic father, went to alateen, the whole nine yards so I should know all there is to know about the disease. I've lived on both sides yet I went down that destructive path anyway KNOWING what it looked like & how it affected loved ones. That makes me feel even worse, yet I can't explain to anyone why.

I was indenial for a long time about my alcoholism because my example of alcoholism (my father) I did not look like. I didn't drink daily or even weekly. sometimes I wouldn't drink for a month. BUT when I did drink I couldn't stop. I would go into a situation saying I'll just have a couple & 9 times out of 10 I'd close the bar down. or I'd drink at home & then make a dash to the gas station to get more before they stopped selling knowing that I didn't need more. It was a compulsion, something that pulled me to drink more even though my brain told me to stop.

I never had withdraws & cravings especially as of late have been non exsistent. This last time I had no intentions, no cravings & no desire to drink. I met my friend out who had a gift for me, totally expecting to sit & chat for a hour & then go home. I agreed to have one drink with her completely believing that because I had no desire I really could get up & walk away but I didn't.

I know I screwed up, never should have met a old drinking buddy out, never should have agreed to meet her at a bar & never should have believed that I could control myself. Now I'm back to square one just trying to pick up the pieces YET again. Thanks for reading

Texasblind

I'm 33 and my "30's" meetings are filled with all kinds of different people. We don't care who comes as long as they show up. Everyone of every age is welcome. It's just a way to differentiate the meetings.

Boleo

Words alone can never make up for actions. Only action can counter balance action. The best amends that you can make is to stay sober for them.

lizw

By the time I reached AA, I assumed my family (that being my parents as I was 19) had heard enough BS come out of my mouth and I assume that'd just stopped believing me.

When it come to my 8th step list (making amends) my sponsor told me not to visit and say "I'm sorry" as they had probably heard me use that word a billion times already. I had to act differently which included doing what I say I would, being reliable and being kind to them instead of behaving like a demanding child.

I did relapse after a year and never told them, as I had only recently gotten my child back from them.

My family is pretty crazy but I love them and today, at least I'm not adding to the craziness of it.

Tommyh

I made plenty of those promises too.I meant them at the time,but I could not keep them because I was a alcoholic without a program.They got tired of hearing my stuff.It took me to shut up and show them by my actions..Actions speak louder than words for us.
Hang in there