Heading into 90 days at 90 miles per hour
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Heading into 90 days at 90 miles per hour
I found SR very close to my sober day, in fact I was basically making my decision to stay sober during my first few days with the forum. I've spent almost all my time at SR in the New to Addiction and Recover section and I've benefited from some great support and tried to give some in return. On the last day I drank (July 12th 2008) I had my first black out after decades of binge drinking and it really got my attention. Things had been getting worse and worse over the last couple years, and especially the last 10 months or so before July. I'm not an AA person and I don't intend to go to AA meetings but I do see the value in much of the program.
As I'm approaching 90 days without alcohol it feels like I'm in newly dangerous territory so I'm opening this thread here because I think it will reach an audience that includes a variety of lengths of experience with sobriety. I'll also let my friends in the Class of July 2008 know of this thread.
Here's what's going on any given day lately. These don't all happen at the same time, but some of them do. Some are in conflict with each other.
1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?
None of this is new ground to you or to me but it seems different/worse right now. I don't have strong urges to drink, and rarely even get medium urges, but....I don't know....it seems like I should be happier.
Is it common to hit this point in the road around 90 days? For those that hit this at 90 or at some other amount of time I'd appreciate knowing how you did it.
Thanks for reading this far down.
As I'm approaching 90 days without alcohol it feels like I'm in newly dangerous territory so I'm opening this thread here because I think it will reach an audience that includes a variety of lengths of experience with sobriety. I'll also let my friends in the Class of July 2008 know of this thread.
Here's what's going on any given day lately. These don't all happen at the same time, but some of them do. Some are in conflict with each other.
1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?
None of this is new ground to you or to me but it seems different/worse right now. I don't have strong urges to drink, and rarely even get medium urges, but....I don't know....it seems like I should be happier.
Is it common to hit this point in the road around 90 days? For those that hit this at 90 or at some other amount of time I'd appreciate knowing how you did it.
Thanks for reading this far down.
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
I have said in another thread, at around 90 days I felt this sort of "Now What?" feeling. I know you said you don't attend AA but the "One day at a time" thing really helps keep me from feeling overwhelmed.
Congratulations on 90 days!!!
Congratulations on 90 days!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
I was thinking about posting a similar thread actally so I am glad you wrote this. I'm not as close as you are to 90 days- 78 days tomorrow but I feel that I need to go over step one again: I am powerless over alcohol because my thoughts have been wandering in the drinking arena lately. Not strong urges but little thoughts that are red flagging me on a potential problem when I am faced with a decision where it may be easy to drink.
The posts I need to look over are the ones where people had lengths of sobriety, felt btter, went back out and then got right back where they were: daily blackout drinking. We pick up where we left off. I believe in my heart but my head is messing with me lately. A glass of wine with dinner? A little brandy before bed? Thanks for writing this....At the very least it helps to know I'm not alone in the Now What? feeling.
July Class Mate,
Kathleen
The posts I need to look over are the ones where people had lengths of sobriety, felt btter, went back out and then got right back where they were: daily blackout drinking. We pick up where we left off. I believe in my heart but my head is messing with me lately. A glass of wine with dinner? A little brandy before bed? Thanks for writing this....At the very least it helps to know I'm not alone in the Now What? feeling.
July Class Mate,
Kathleen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I have very little time to post all I really want to say to you 'joinedintime'-and it's late here.So I'll be brief and my usual *blunt* self (lucky you!)LOL
I am curious as to why you posted this here-in the alcoholism forum-when you have a ton of support and people who care about you and know you in the July forum in newcomers.Yet you haven't shared your struggle there.....
Is this avoidance?Maybe it's all too close to home?Or perhaps you were looking for other perspectives here-which is fine but I'm afraid I sense something else here.
I know when I'm hitting a wall in my sobriety-I tend to withdraw or avoid the people who know me the best because I also know they'll confront me on my stuff. *ahem*
If I'm wrong here-that's fine.But I won't sit by and watch you debate why you think you might not stay sober without commenting-regardless of what forum you're in.(I'm like Darth Vader-everywhere you don't want me to be-only my breathing is much better thanks to my exercise program.....but I digress....)
Your alkie mind is lying to you-just like mine does.Please tell it to shut up.And soon.It hates you and wants you back.Kill it.Now-before it kills you.
Jules-cheerleader extraordinare *cough*
I am curious as to why you posted this here-in the alcoholism forum-when you have a ton of support and people who care about you and know you in the July forum in newcomers.Yet you haven't shared your struggle there.....
Is this avoidance?Maybe it's all too close to home?Or perhaps you were looking for other perspectives here-which is fine but I'm afraid I sense something else here.
I know when I'm hitting a wall in my sobriety-I tend to withdraw or avoid the people who know me the best because I also know they'll confront me on my stuff. *ahem*
If I'm wrong here-that's fine.But I won't sit by and watch you debate why you think you might not stay sober without commenting-regardless of what forum you're in.(I'm like Darth Vader-everywhere you don't want me to be-only my breathing is much better thanks to my exercise program.....but I digress....)
Your alkie mind is lying to you-just like mine does.Please tell it to shut up.And soon.It hates you and wants you back.Kill it.Now-before it kills you.
Jules-cheerleader extraordinare *cough*
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Congrats on your time sober joinedintime, I started to get really squirrely starting at about 2 months sober, I was feeling much better physically and mentally then I had in many years, I am in AA and was attending at least a meeting a day every day. I knew AA worked if I worked it because of all of the old timers I knew, but I really had it in my head that "Meeting makers make it" and since I was going to a ton of meetings I was really confused.
For that entire second month I really struggled, I was going to meetings and had a sponsor, yet the idea of a drink was sounding like a good idea, yet I knew that if I started drinking again that I may never be able to make myself go back to detox.
At the end of the 2 month I was really getting pretty messed up in the head, luckily I listened to what I heard old timers say, they said that in order for them to achieve long term happy sobriety they had to work the steps with a sponsor. Well I was once again desperate enough to listen, I got a sponsor and I got to work on taking the steps with him.
Working the steps with a sponsor was the key for me, the insanity of thinking a drink was a good idea quickly left my head and things started to get better, they continue to get better today.
As I worked the steps I changed, I slowly became a different person, my thought patterns slowly became less about me and more about others, the old me who was a self centered egotistical person who only cared about what you could do for me, that was filled with deeply hidden fears, hate, shame, guilt, and resentments changed into a better person. The really neat thing is the more I changed, the less I desired a drink, eventually the obsession was lifted entirely.
Going to meetings, especially newcomer meetings helps me remember where I was at 2 years ago, it keeps the reality of how bad I was fresh in my head and allows me to give a helping hand to the newcomer.
Hearing people with 20 plus years of sobriety state flat out that they have stayed sober one day at a time the whole time they have been sober helps me keep that in my head.
Fully accepting my own alcoholism I have a neutral feeling about alcohol advertising and drinking on TV and in movies, I am no longer envious of those that drink, nor do I have ill feelings towards those who sell booze. I remember that feeling in early sobriety well, it dissappeared with time and acceptance that the problem is mine, not alcohol itself.
The meanings of many of them have changed for me, some I find amusing, some sad, and some very true. I relate better to them today and actually enjoy them more now then when I was drinking. I see in some of those songs where I was at and in others the insanity of my drinking.
I have found that simply not drinking as a means of staying sober long term for me in my past always resulted in me returning to drinking. I had changed nothing about me as a person except I simply did not drink. I became more and more irratable and anxious the longer I went without a drink because I had changed nothing about me, I was a drinker even when I was not drinking.
Now I know that for me to stay sober long term and be happy doing it I had to change who I was, I know I was a drinker, well I have changed and as a result of that change I am happier not drinking then I would be drinking.
For that entire second month I really struggled, I was going to meetings and had a sponsor, yet the idea of a drink was sounding like a good idea, yet I knew that if I started drinking again that I may never be able to make myself go back to detox.
At the end of the 2 month I was really getting pretty messed up in the head, luckily I listened to what I heard old timers say, they said that in order for them to achieve long term happy sobriety they had to work the steps with a sponsor. Well I was once again desperate enough to listen, I got a sponsor and I got to work on taking the steps with him.
Working the steps with a sponsor was the key for me, the insanity of thinking a drink was a good idea quickly left my head and things started to get better, they continue to get better today.
As I worked the steps I changed, I slowly became a different person, my thought patterns slowly became less about me and more about others, the old me who was a self centered egotistical person who only cared about what you could do for me, that was filled with deeply hidden fears, hate, shame, guilt, and resentments changed into a better person. The really neat thing is the more I changed, the less I desired a drink, eventually the obsession was lifted entirely.
1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?
I have found that simply not drinking as a means of staying sober long term for me in my past always resulted in me returning to drinking. I had changed nothing about me as a person except I simply did not drink. I became more and more irratable and anxious the longer I went without a drink because I had changed nothing about me, I was a drinker even when I was not drinking.
Now I know that for me to stay sober long term and be happy doing it I had to change who I was, I know I was a drinker, well I have changed and as a result of that change I am happier not drinking then I would be drinking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 108
I'm not an AA person and I don't intend to go to AA meetings but I do see the value in much of the program.
As I'm approaching 90 days without alcohol it feels like I'm in newly dangerous territory so I'm opening this thread here because I think it will reach an audience that includes a variety of lengths of experience with sobriety.
1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?
As I'm approaching 90 days without alcohol it feels like I'm in newly dangerous territory so I'm opening this thread here because I think it will reach an audience that includes a variety of lengths of experience with sobriety.
1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?
Old ideas, emotions & attitudes had to be cast to the side. Until I began doing that, I was an alcoholic who didn't drink and who had untreated alcoholism.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum....
You may not be aware of PAWS....
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
I bounced in and out of sobriety for 4 years.....
even tho I knew I was an alcoholic...
until I read "Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham.
I took that information...re connected to God and AA
have not had a drink since 4-25-89.
Actually...I don't remember what 90 days was like
but I can tell you when I first felt solid in sobriety....
It was when I began working and living the 12 Steps
of AA. That effort was the key for my change
into the woman I desperately desired to be...
Most alcoholics die without finding lasting sobriety
I won't be one....will you?
You may not be aware of PAWS....
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
I bounced in and out of sobriety for 4 years.....
even tho I knew I was an alcoholic...
until I read "Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham.
I took that information...re connected to God and AA
have not had a drink since 4-25-89.
Actually...I don't remember what 90 days was like
but I can tell you when I first felt solid in sobriety....
It was when I began working and living the 12 Steps
of AA. That effort was the key for my change
into the woman I desperately desired to be...
Most alcoholics die without finding lasting sobriety
I won't be one....will you?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Everyone....
I want to clarify something.....all SR members are welcome
to share in whatever Forum they choose.
You may also use several Forums....as you grow
in recovery....your journey will change
This Alcoholism Forum is not only for
AA members but you will see many of
us do follow the AA program.
That does not mean you are required to.
I want to clarify something.....all SR members are welcome
to share in whatever Forum they choose.
You may also use several Forums....as you grow
in recovery....your journey will change
This Alcoholism Forum is not only for
AA members but you will see many of
us do follow the AA program.
That does not mean you are required to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Romania
Posts: 34
It's a miracle...
Not all songs are about drinking and partying... that's what I'm listening to right now. Excuse the length but I needed to share this:
Roger Waters - It's a Miracle (Amused to Death)
Miraculous you call it babe
You ain't seen nothing yet
They got Pepsi in the Andes
They got McDonalds in Tibet
Yosemite's been turned into a golf course for the Japs
And the Dead Sea is alive with rap
Between the Tigris and Euphrates
There's a leisure centre now
They got all kinds of sports
They got Bermuda shorts
They had sex in Pennsylvania
A Brazilian grew a tree
And a doctor in Manhattan
Saved a dying man for free
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
Another miracle
By the grace of God Almighty
And the pressures of the marketplace
The human race has civilized itself
It's a miracle
We got warehouses of butter
We got oceans of wine
We got famine when we need it
We got designer crime
We got Mercedes
We got Porsche, Ferrari and Rolls Royce
Yeah, we got a choice
She said meet me
In the Garden of Gethsemene my dear
The Lord said, Peter I can see your house from here
An honest man
Finally reaped what he had sown
And a farmer in Ohio has just repaid a loan
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
Another miracle
By the grace of God Almighty
And the pressures of the marketplace
The human race has civilized itself
It's a miracle
We cower in our shelters
With our hands over our ears
Lloyd-Webber's awful stuff
Runs for years and years and years
An earthquake hits the theatre
But the operetta lingers
Then the piano lid comes down
And breaks his ******* fingers
It's a miracle
90 days sober is a miracle too... It happened to me last year and overwhelmed by my achievement I picked up... pathetic imbecile
.
Enjoy the lyrics though...
Roger Waters - It's a Miracle (Amused to Death)
Miraculous you call it babe
You ain't seen nothing yet
They got Pepsi in the Andes
They got McDonalds in Tibet
Yosemite's been turned into a golf course for the Japs
And the Dead Sea is alive with rap
Between the Tigris and Euphrates
There's a leisure centre now
They got all kinds of sports
They got Bermuda shorts
They had sex in Pennsylvania
A Brazilian grew a tree
And a doctor in Manhattan
Saved a dying man for free
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
Another miracle
By the grace of God Almighty
And the pressures of the marketplace
The human race has civilized itself
It's a miracle
We got warehouses of butter
We got oceans of wine
We got famine when we need it
We got designer crime
We got Mercedes
We got Porsche, Ferrari and Rolls Royce
Yeah, we got a choice
She said meet me
In the Garden of Gethsemene my dear
The Lord said, Peter I can see your house from here
An honest man
Finally reaped what he had sown
And a farmer in Ohio has just repaid a loan
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
It's a miracle
Another miracle
By the grace of God Almighty
And the pressures of the marketplace
The human race has civilized itself
It's a miracle
We cower in our shelters
With our hands over our ears
Lloyd-Webber's awful stuff
Runs for years and years and years
An earthquake hits the theatre
But the operetta lingers
Then the piano lid comes down
And breaks his ******* fingers
It's a miracle
90 days sober is a miracle too... It happened to me last year and overwhelmed by my achievement I picked up... pathetic imbecile
.Enjoy the lyrics though...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Countless times in my life, I knew drinking was causing many problems so I decided to quit. Most times, it lasted only a couple days - but I did more than one stretch without drinking that was near 2 years. What happened?
Earlier in my drinking - I began to feel better.
As it progressed:
I began to think "I made too big a deal of the whole thing"
Next time - I tested myself, honestly - "Can I drink a little once in awhile and just stop?" (This was the 'Let me find out if I really have alcoholism like everyone says' phase)
The last few times I drank after a period of sobriety - usually trivial things in life just built up (hate my boss, relationship problems, feeling 'stuck', not happy - So I just said "f it")
The last time I took a drink - I honestly don't know what happened, things seemed really good, I was in a good mood. Literally the next thing I knew I was drunk and I couldn't stop drinking..ended up in the ER. I can't tell you what I was thinking, because I don't know. The recollection of going to the liqour store seems like a hazy dream, the outcome was all too real though.
30, 60, 90, 365, 700+ days - The time away from the last drink is no indicator of progress (in my book). I had to stop trying and alcohol brought me to a place where I was willing to do whatever it took...
Earlier in my drinking - I began to feel better.
As it progressed:
I began to think "I made too big a deal of the whole thing"
Next time - I tested myself, honestly - "Can I drink a little once in awhile and just stop?" (This was the 'Let me find out if I really have alcoholism like everyone says' phase)
The last few times I drank after a period of sobriety - usually trivial things in life just built up (hate my boss, relationship problems, feeling 'stuck', not happy - So I just said "f it")
The last time I took a drink - I honestly don't know what happened, things seemed really good, I was in a good mood. Literally the next thing I knew I was drunk and I couldn't stop drinking..ended up in the ER. I can't tell you what I was thinking, because I don't know. The recollection of going to the liqour store seems like a hazy dream, the outcome was all too real though.
30, 60, 90, 365, 700+ days - The time away from the last drink is no indicator of progress (in my book). I had to stop trying and alcohol brought me to a place where I was willing to do whatever it took...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
I'm working now so I can't take much more time beyond what I just spent reading these posts. I do want to comment on much of what I read, but for now let me say thank you for the amazing input.
Jules, I like blunt. Don't change a thing Darth. BTW, I said in my opening post that I would tell my Class of July friends about this and I will. It was too late for me to do that last night. Glad you found me first.
Jules, I like blunt. Don't change a thing Darth. BTW, I said in my opening post that I would tell my Class of July friends about this and I will. It was too late for me to do that last night. Glad you found me first.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
My apologies for not reading that part properly.That'll teach me to post late at night eh?LOL
Still-I do stand by what I said about your alkie mind.I'd hate to see you fall because of it-you're doing so well and it's great to see you coming along so far.I do care-despite my sometimes prickly attitude
Still-I do stand by what I said about your alkie mind.I'd hate to see you fall because of it-you're doing so well and it's great to see you coming along so far.I do care-despite my sometimes prickly attitude
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
I will be 90 days sober this Saturday. I feel much less inclined to drink ever again, mostly because I like my sober self better than my drinking self, and don't want to find myself back in That Bad Place. It was so hard to get out of that Bad Place and if I were to fall back into it, I may never get out next time. So, because I know I'm just one drink away from disaster, I will not let myself have that One Drink.
I am just the opposite of those who racked up some sobriety and then felt they "weren't so bad". I know FOR A FACT that I AM "that bad" and don't need to prove it by returning to A Very Bad Habit.
I'm not just sober these days, I'm changing my attitude for the better. I'm learning better ways to cope with stress. I'm too afraid to "go back there", as I know damn well there is NOTHING back there for me, nothing I'd want, anyway.
I'm tickled to death to be adding to my sober time and living my sober life. I want nothing more than to add to my sober life, one day at a time for the rest of my life. I am allergic to alcohol and it will kill me if I drink it - amount doesn't matter. It will KILL me... and I don't want to die by my own hand. For me, drinking is just committing suicide in little doses. I don't want to leave that legacy for my kids and grandkids.
I am just the opposite of those who racked up some sobriety and then felt they "weren't so bad". I know FOR A FACT that I AM "that bad" and don't need to prove it by returning to A Very Bad Habit.
I'm not just sober these days, I'm changing my attitude for the better. I'm learning better ways to cope with stress. I'm too afraid to "go back there", as I know damn well there is NOTHING back there for me, nothing I'd want, anyway.
I'm tickled to death to be adding to my sober time and living my sober life. I want nothing more than to add to my sober life, one day at a time for the rest of my life. I am allergic to alcohol and it will kill me if I drink it - amount doesn't matter. It will KILL me... and I don't want to die by my own hand. For me, drinking is just committing suicide in little doses. I don't want to leave that legacy for my kids and grandkids.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
I've tried to quit so many times I've lost count. I'm scared sh!tless I don't have any more recovery left in me. So I'm also scaring myself sober. And hey, whatever works!
Read my old posts. I quit and relapsed too many times. I think some thought I might be doomed. I thought I'd be doomed if I couldn't get it right, and soon. I was a Raving Alcoholic and hated myself. Now I'm learning to like myself and not torture myself with guilt or wine. It feels a lot better this way. I am adamant that I WON'T DRINK TODAY. And it's working, one day at a time.
And mega thanks to everyone here for helping me on the way!
:ghug
Read my old posts. I quit and relapsed too many times. I think some thought I might be doomed. I thought I'd be doomed if I couldn't get it right, and soon. I was a Raving Alcoholic and hated myself. Now I'm learning to like myself and not torture myself with guilt or wine. It feels a lot better this way. I am adamant that I WON'T DRINK TODAY. And it's working, one day at a time.
And mega thanks to everyone here for helping me on the way!
:ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Originally Posted by PaulN 
Self knowledge did nothing for me. I was doomed to drink if all I did was share my feelings with others who were doing the same.
Old ideas, emotions & attitudes had to be cast to the side. Until I began doing that, I was an alcoholic who didn't drink and who had untreated alcoholism.
Old ideas, emotions & attitudes had to be cast to the side. Until I began doing that, I was an alcoholic who didn't drink and who had untreated alcoholism.
How did you cast the emotions & attitudes aside?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by joinedintime
"an alcoholic who didn't drink" That hits home.
How did you cast the emotions & attitudes aside?
How did you cast the emotions & attitudes aside?
Then - I began to take some action based on the experiences of people whom I had come in contact with that used to be like me (they knew all about active alcoholism, and even more about the feelings of the alcoholic who doesn't drink). I got some results and the emotions didn't seem to matter much anymore, attitudes were changed through experience.
It was more of what I WAS willing to do, rather than what I WON'T do - if that makes any sense.
Does the proposition that alcohol was treating your alcoholism make any sense? Take away the medicine and the sickness gets worse (or when the medicine just plain stops working).
Open mindedness, willingess, action -> these are the foundation of that which will remove your problem, which ever course you may take.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Please be careful. I know the "Now What" feeling well. It's what led me straight back to hell last holiday season. "This is ridiculous" I said - "all it takes is willpower, nothing can MAKE me drink too many if I'm really determined." Shortly after that thought crossed my mind I was drinking 24/7 again. I was NOT able to control it, but I wanted with all my heart to be able to. That binge lasted 3 wks. and I did not think I'd make it out alive. I'm not saying we're all alike - and sure, there are some exceptions - I'm just worried for you is all. Sending love.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Lots of good experience in this thread. Thank you for starting it.
I"m looking at 3 1/2 months sober. And I'm relishing every moment of it.
'Now what' for me, means I have my life back. I don't have hangovers. I sleep well. I didn't humiliate myself the night before.
I will never pick up a drink again. If I have to cut my arms off to make that happen, I will.
I"m looking at 3 1/2 months sober. And I'm relishing every moment of it.
'Now what' for me, means I have my life back. I don't have hangovers. I sleep well. I didn't humiliate myself the night before.
I will never pick up a drink again. If I have to cut my arms off to make that happen, I will.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Originally Posted by sugErspun
Does the proposition that alcohol was treating your alcoholism make any sense? Take away the medicine and the sickness gets worse (or when the medicine just plain stops working).
Open mindedness, willingess, action -> these are the foundation of that which will remove your problem, which ever course you may take.
Originally Posted by Jules62
Your alkie mind is lying to you-just like mine does.Please tell it to shut up.And soon.It hates you and wants you back.Kill it.Now-before it kills you.
Jules-cheerleader extraordinare *cough*
Jules-cheerleader extraordinare *cough*
Originally Posted by Tazman53
As I worked the steps I changed, I slowly became a different person, my thought patterns slowly became less about me and more about others, the old me who was a self centered egotistical person who only cared about what you could do for me, that was filled with deeply hidden fears, hate, shame, guilt, and resentments changed into a better person. The really neat thing is the more I changed, the less I desired a drink, eventually the obsession was lifted entirely.
Fully accepting my own alcoholism I have a neutral feeling about alcohol advertising and drinking on TV and in movies, I am no longer envious of those that drink, nor do I have ill feelings towards those who sell booze. I remember that feeling in early sobriety well, it dissappeared with time and acceptance that the problem is mine, not alcohol itself.
I have found that simply not drinking as a means of staying sober long term for me in my past always resulted in me returning to drinking. I had changed nothing about me as a person except I simply did not drink. I became more and more irratable and anxious the longer I went without a drink because I had changed nothing about me, I was a drinker even when I was not drinking.
Fully accepting my own alcoholism I have a neutral feeling about alcohol advertising and drinking on TV and in movies, I am no longer envious of those that drink, nor do I have ill feelings towards those who sell booze. I remember that feeling in early sobriety well, it dissappeared with time and acceptance that the problem is mine, not alcohol itself.
I have found that simply not drinking as a means of staying sober long term for me in my past always resulted in me returning to drinking. I had changed nothing about me as a person except I simply did not drink. I became more and more irratable and anxious the longer I went without a drink because I had changed nothing about me, I was a drinker even when I was not drinking.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
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It's officially day 90 for me now.
Thanks to each of you that posted here and all of you that viewed. I'm doing better mentally now. Physically....have a cold. Normally would have used a sore throat as an excuse to gargle with vodka or something strong even though I'm a beer drinker....err, was.
For this cold it's hot tea and ricola for the throat.
Thanks to each of you that posted here and all of you that viewed. I'm doing better mentally now. Physically....have a cold. Normally would have used a sore throat as an excuse to gargle with vodka or something strong even though I'm a beer drinker....err, was.
For this cold it's hot tea and ricola for the throat.
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