Bangoob

Hi all!
I got really messed up yesterday: 2 liters of wine, 4 cans of beer, and to end up 'in style' 300ml of blueberry brandy, a local specialty. I didn't have a drop today - the usual routine, Valium, shakes, heart pounding and so on - and tomorrow is my father's birthday: he turns sixty 8. He has been a socially functional alcoholic for as long as I can remember; this June, after some medical screening, at my suggestion, he went cold turkey in hospital and stayed so until now. The doctors informed him that he's inches away from liver cirrhosis on account of the mixture between an untreated hepatitis B and 1 liter of Russian vodka a day for way too many years. His heart is not doing well too. Though abstinent, he didn't give up smoking and drinks alcohol-free beer almost daily (probably he still craves the real stuff)... What worries me is that he is in jeopardy of a relapse: several weeks ago, he expressed his desire to have one festive glass of red wine on his birthday party. Instead, we bought a bottle of children's champagne (some stuff with a silly name, Robby Bubble, but non-alcoholic) which we intend to offer him instead of wine. I'm afraid that his craving for wine along with my messed-up looks, when I show up tomorrow at his place (on Day 2), will upset him enough as to drink wine after well. I'm really worried about this, not to mention the feelings of shame and guilt to screw up yet again... Will he stick to the Robby Bubble? I pray he does. Thanks for your attention.

traid77

Bangoob, good luck at the party. I hope both you and your father will be happy with the Robby. Use your dismay for yourself at drinking again as ammunition to strengthen your resolve. Pay attention to the shakes, heart pounding, etc. Remember how $hitty it feels to be hung over. Good luck, and stay strong. You can do it.

Traid.

CarolD

Best wishes to your Dad
and I hope you both remain sober

Please let us know how the party works out.

gravity

I know that you are worried about your father but try to focus on your own sobriety. Showing up at his party with 2 days sober is way better than the alternative. I noticed in your profile that last year you had some good periods of sobriety so you know that it can be done.

I grew up with an alcoholic mother and I now accept that nothing I ever did forced her to drink. Same goes for you & your father. It’s the nature of alcoholism. It sounds like you are trying to keep two alcoholics (you & your Dad) from drinking which is impossible. You can only take care of yourself but you can offer your father support.

I hope the birthday celebration goes well.


By the way, my mother quit drinking when she was about 60 and now has almost 20 years sober. There is always hope.

Bangoob

We are midway through the party listening to some French violinist on a DVD and waiting for the barbecue. Didn't get to the Robby thing yet, I'm sweating like hell and Dad only had a sip of Merlot... just one. On arrival, though I'm in no position to lecture, I had a small talk with Mom but she told me 'He's not like you. He can stop if necessary.' This looks to me like denial. I told her that near-death alcoholics took prescription drugs with booze completely devoid of self-awareness. She motivated that his liver and heart medication will keep him off the bottle... Oh God! I'll get to you later and thanks for the wonderful place that SR is! 7

jurneyman

Bangoob, I don't know how your Mother relates to your Alcoholism. Ask her if she would like to understand what you are going through, then ask her if she would like to read a few things from AA. If she agrees give her some Alanon lit. and maybe, if you pray for God's will concerning this situation, your Mother just might see and understand, her denial about your Father. Even If it doesn't work to change her, concerning your Father, It still might
help your Mother relate to you anyway. God Bless all of you

Boleo

I normally don't like to tell people to work a "selfish program" but if that is what it takes to get a solid first step then that is exactly what you need to do for now.

First make some progress with your own sobriety then (and only then) you can be of some service to your father. At this point it like the blind leading the blind.

Bangoob

Hi all!

The party ended at 4 pm or so. The non-alcoholic champagne popped up, the candles were lit on the birthday cake, we sang to him, took nice pictures. He remained with a sip of Merlot and a gulp of Riesling, my godmother's favourite, who was also present. Probably also with the sight of his own son drinking still water and Robby Bubble. This may have made him even prouder than he was when I completed my PhD... That's all, he said, it can't possibly interfere with his medication, let alone his determination to stay sober.
Jurney, my mom is devastated by my alcoholism, acknowledges mine but has always tried to minimize or deny my father's. Unfortunately, she doesn't speak English, as it is not our mother's tongue. But there are several good forums and sites in Romanian, and plenty of literature published especially by the chief religious denomination here, the Eastern Orthodox Church. People who are misfortunate enough to have alkies in their families resort to Orthodox priests more than they do to psychologists and specialists in addictions. Unfortunately, the latter kind are still poorly represented, let alone the AA national network. So, lots of mind control and prayers. As for the rest, thank you all...

12platoon

I often wonder how i'm managing to get through each, after so many relapses, i no this is my last chance of life, being so ill day after day, and being told i was so near the end, and that i was certainly killing myself. I,m not so sure how life is going to turn out, but then again does any one.

very sad 12platoon

gravity

Bangoob: Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate this thread. It really goes to show that things usually work out when we take it one day at a time. I'm glad that you & your father are well.

12platoon: Most of us were where you are at. Don't give up. Maybe look at some recovery programs & options. For me, the starting point was reaching out for help.