Argument with my Father
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 12
Argument with my Father
Hi again, Sobriety date 16.08.08.
I just had an argument with my father. Who because of his illness has become a very bitter and ignorant man. Simple inconsequential chatter is the spark for his immediate cataclysmic temper. Fortunately he is physically weak and thus no one is hurt. Anyway after this argument I realise for yet another time that I can no longer speak to my father beyond pleasanteries. As some of you know I am young. Being sober has allowed me to start planning to move away and maybe start a life. Yet it's just so hard when both your Mother and Father are not there for you. In anything other than physical terms. Nothing exceptionally bad happened in my childhood with either of them. So I feel without right to condemn them in my adulthood. Yet I can't escape the feeling that they passed on me along time ago. No doubt this is one of the reasons I drank heavily in the first place. But I know I cannot blame them for my problem. I have never done that as I do not want to become as bitter as my father. Desperate for arguement and physical threat in an attempt to reaffirm the masculinity he lost years ago.
Just looking for support as usual. Comfort in the knowledge someone read about how I am feeling. I know I can't experience being alone on my own anymore. I have to share that solitude with others who may have experienced it.
I just had an argument with my father. Who because of his illness has become a very bitter and ignorant man. Simple inconsequential chatter is the spark for his immediate cataclysmic temper. Fortunately he is physically weak and thus no one is hurt. Anyway after this argument I realise for yet another time that I can no longer speak to my father beyond pleasanteries. As some of you know I am young. Being sober has allowed me to start planning to move away and maybe start a life. Yet it's just so hard when both your Mother and Father are not there for you. In anything other than physical terms. Nothing exceptionally bad happened in my childhood with either of them. So I feel without right to condemn them in my adulthood. Yet I can't escape the feeling that they passed on me along time ago. No doubt this is one of the reasons I drank heavily in the first place. But I know I cannot blame them for my problem. I have never done that as I do not want to become as bitter as my father. Desperate for arguement and physical threat in an attempt to reaffirm the masculinity he lost years ago.
Just looking for support as usual. Comfort in the knowledge someone read about how I am feeling. I know I can't experience being alone on my own anymore. I have to share that solitude with others who may have experienced it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Hi Chip, you're not alone of course, I'm sure many of us can share about the effect our parents have had on our lives and our addictions.
My parents weren't abusive or bad people, they were just alcoholics and our family led a codependent lifestyle. As I grew they became my drinking buddies, it just seemed natural to party with my parents since we'd all been drinking together for years anyway, alcohol was always present in our home.
Ever since Mom died 9 years ago Dad has been a miserable, pessimistic, depressed S.O.B. I have to respect his feelings, it's his choice to live that way. Each weekend I invite him over to visit, I do whatever I can to keep the conversation light and polite for the hour that he's there. As far as he's concerned, sobriety is misery. He looks at me and shakes his head at what he believes is a sad life that I'm living.
But....
As you shared, we don't have to be that bitter. We have a choice to have a happier and healthier life, in recovery I've been given the tools to do that. I know the truth about the life I have in recovery, it's better than anything I've ever had in life.
He's my father, I love and support him, he's been an inspiration and I've learned much from him. But that doesn't mean I have to behave like him.
My parents weren't abusive or bad people, they were just alcoholics and our family led a codependent lifestyle. As I grew they became my drinking buddies, it just seemed natural to party with my parents since we'd all been drinking together for years anyway, alcohol was always present in our home.
Ever since Mom died 9 years ago Dad has been a miserable, pessimistic, depressed S.O.B. I have to respect his feelings, it's his choice to live that way. Each weekend I invite him over to visit, I do whatever I can to keep the conversation light and polite for the hour that he's there. As far as he's concerned, sobriety is misery. He looks at me and shakes his head at what he believes is a sad life that I'm living.
But....
As you shared, we don't have to be that bitter. We have a choice to have a happier and healthier life, in recovery I've been given the tools to do that. I know the truth about the life I have in recovery, it's better than anything I've ever had in life.
He's my father, I love and support him, he's been an inspiration and I've learned much from him. But that doesn't mean I have to behave like him.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Yeah, I relate. I moved towns/cities to get away from my crazy family after I got my daughter back. I couldn't take it, to be honest so I ran off.
These days I have a half decent relationship with my family (mum and dad) becasue we usually just exchanged polite conversation. Sometimes I get up enough nerve to tell them how I really feel about something, but it usually falls on deaf ears. Denial's not just a river in egypt eh?
Al Anon (for family and friends of Alcoholics) have a good tool called 'detachment'. It is basically the looking after of one self emotionally and allowing others to do the same.
Take it easy
Liz
:ghug3
These days I have a half decent relationship with my family (mum and dad) becasue we usually just exchanged polite conversation. Sometimes I get up enough nerve to tell them how I really feel about something, but it usually falls on deaf ears. Denial's not just a river in egypt eh?
Al Anon (for family and friends of Alcoholics) have a good tool called 'detachment'. It is basically the looking after of one self emotionally and allowing others to do the same.
Take it easy
Liz
:ghug3
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